A Camping Trip in the Life of the Mac-Attack

Phoenix, Arizona has got to be the hottest place on Earth between June and September. However, there's a place a little north of Phoenix called Prescott. Around this time of year, Prescott is in the 80s during the day and the 60s during the night. Perfect camping weather, if you ask me.

That's why I proposed we'd do a USY camping trip on the last weekend of September, right before Yom Kippur naturally. It was definitely the best programming idea I've had since I assumed the role of President for TBZ USY. In fact, the idea was so good that the USY Chapter from Tempe, Congregation Am Yisrael, decided they would collaborate with us. Word then spread to a chapter in Vegas, Kehilat B'Nai Yisrael, and a chapter in Tuscon, Temple Ahavat Olam.

Soon, everyone in the West Coast USY Region was talking about the brilliant mind of your's truly, the Mac-Attack. Apparently, the whole USY Camping thing had never been done before.

Our final board meeting before the trip was on Wednesday, and everyone seemed really stoked about it.

"This Campin' Trip is a STUPID idea, Mac!"
"Thank you for that sentiment, Tony."

Our Italian-Heritaged Communications Officer, Tony Abromi, always seems to have something to say.

"Tony, aren't you going on the trip?"
"As a matter of facto, I am, A-man-da. Perhaps we can go star-gazin', Toots."
"In your dreams."
"Damn straight, in my dreams."

It was always interesting when Tony would attempt to hit on our Membership Officer Amanda Braun.

"Um, Mac?"
"Yes, Josh?"

Josh Mauer is our somewhat-overly feminine Religion/Education Officer.

"Like, I won't be going on the Camping Trip. Legally Blonde: The Musical is in town this weekend at the Gammage and I am like totally going to see it. It is going to be a delicious treat!"

Ben, my best friend and Vice President of TBZ USY, gave me a "WTF" type of look as Josh was speaking.

"Before I continue, is there anyone else who won't be on the trip besides Josh?"
"Yes, I won't be there."

Sharon Stone is our Israel Affairs officer.

"Where will you be, Sharon?"
"Well, uh--"
"She's seeing Legally Blonde with me!"

Ben whispered to me: "Shoulda known they were gal-pals."

I chuckled for a second before formally beginning the meeting.

"Okay, so we have three other USY Chapters going on this trip. Am Yisrael basically knows how we work since we do so many joint activities with them, but KBY and Ahavat Olam have no idea. I say, let's show them what TBZ is all about!"

I've always been good at being inspirational.

"Is that seriously your pep-talk? I'd rather have my grandmother give me a pep-talk over a bowl of spagetti!"
"We get it, Tony. You're Italian."
"An Italian, New Yorker Jew!"
"You were born in Peoria. You're dad moved to Arizona was he was 10."

The whole rest of the board let out a laugh. Tony didn't think it was very funny.

A couple days later, we loaded two busses with 50 TBZ USYers on each bus. It was a two hour bus ride. When we got to the campsite in Prescott, our friends from Am Yisrael were already there.

"We beat you guys on the number scale and we get to the campsite before you guys. Is there anything that TBZ does that Am Yisrael can't do better?"

I laughed at my friend Brian Berg's comment and gave him a hug.

"It's good to see you, B."
"Same to you, Mr. President Mac-Attack."

Ben and Melinda got off the bus. Ben greeted B, but Melinda walked right past us. She's a friend of B's, but at that time she wasn't very happy with me.

"Uh, Mac--are you and Melinda at odds again?"
"Afraid so, Ben."
"Jesus, you guys are worse than my parents in the weeks following their affairs."

Ben and I looked at B strangely.

"What? Don't your parents sleep with other people sometimes?"

We continued to look at B.

"Okay, so I don't have the general family dynamic. But who does these days, am I right?"
"Um, sure. Happens all the time, B."

The next person to get off the bus was Sam Bernstein, a goddess who was new to our lovely USY Chapter.

"Hey, Mac."
"Hey, Sam. Have you met my friends here?"
"No. I don't believe I have."
"Brian Arthur Berg, at your service."

Ben and I looked at B.

"Uh, but you can call me B."

I had never seen B get nervous around a woman before.

"I'm Ben Sheiner, Vice President of Temple Beth Zion USY and resident Best Friend to the Mac-Attack."
"Nice title."
"Thank you."
"I've heard about both of you from Steve."
"Steve?"
"Steve Schuckman. He goes to KBY in Vegas."
"You're going out with Schuckman?"
"Yup. Going on three years."

Sam always has a smile on her face whenever she mentioned Schukman. If only she knew the bastard as well as we all do. Next to me, Schuckman is the biggest player in all of West Coast USY.

"Is Schuckman gonna be here?"
"Yes, but he doesn't know I'm here. I'm gonna surprise him."
"He'll certainly be surprised."

Just then, the bus from Ahavat Olam in Tuscon arrived. I knew a few people from their chapter.

"Mohawk is here!"
"Really? I haven't seen him since Freshman year!"
"Who is Mohawk?"
"Look for yourself."

Walking off the bus was Ari "Mohawk" Barnes, complete with army pants, a spiked vest and combat boots. From what I always remembered, Mohawk was soft-spoken and had a good heart...that is, until he went to Juvie for beating up his own step-father.

"Mac-Attack Maccabbi!"
"Mohawk. How are you?"

When Mohawk hugged me, I could feel the spikes from his vest go through my chest.

"I'm fine, Mohawk. I haven't seen you in a long time. What have you been up to?"
"You know, just...stuff."

He then noticed Ben and B.

"Is that Ben Sheiner and Brian Berg?"

I'm guessing it was a rhetorical question cus neither Ben nor B answered.

"It really has been way too long, hasn't it?"
"Yes, very long."
"Not long enough," B said under his breath.

The greetings continued for another half hour or so before the Vegas bus got there.

Kehilat B'Nai Yisrael is known for one thing: beautiful women. I would know, I've hooked up with a ton of them. The first to get off the bus was Brittany Ziegler, a gorgeous free-spirit whom with I've never had the pleasure.

"Hey, Mac-Attack."
"Brittany."
"I heard about your heartaches from B. I'm so sorry."
"That's okay. It means I'm back on the market."
"Good for you. Well, I'm sure you'll find someone."

She walked away and Ben laughed.

"Swing and a miss! Strikeout!"
"Shut up, Ben."

It would've been very hard to mistake the next person who got off the bus, mostly because he ad two girls hanging on him.

"Steve?"
"Sam?"

Steve Schuckman had arrived.

"Baby, why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

He motioned for the two girls he was with to go away. I couldn't tell if he was happy to see her or if he was pissed that she ruined a potential three-some for him.

"I wanted to surprise you...Surprise!"

The jackass kissed his woman.

"I'm definitely surprised. That's definitely the best word to describe me right now."

The two wandered off and it was back to being just myself, Ben and B.

"So, Mac, you and Melinda aren't talking. What are you gonna do about it?"
"I don't know."
"What happened? When you guys came to my house earlier this week, you were getting along fine."

Melinda and I had been sleeping together for several weeks. I was in love with her, and she told me that she felt the same. However, she made it clear to me that she really didn't when she said all it was to her was increbible sex. Needless to say, I was hurt by this and didn't want to deal with her.

"Things just don't turn out the way you hope they will, I guess. Sometimes things aren't what you think they might be."
"Do you still love her?"
"Of course I still love her."
"But she doesn't love you?"
"I don't know. She said she did."
"This is really confusing."
"I'm sure it is, but either way, it's almost time for Shabbat."

Shabbat up in Prescott was beautiful. The stars were out and that made the services a thousand times better. Our activity that night was a tribal dance around a campfire. It was a lot of fun.

The next morning, I woke up early and took a deep breath of the morning air. It smelled great up there. I always loved the great outdoors.

"Up a little early?"
"I'd say the same to you. Good morning, Brittany."
"Good morning. So, I hear this whole camping trip was your idea."
"Initially, but my board got a good say about it."
"Well, this is definitely one of the most original programming ideas I've ever heard."
"I figured we could use original programming."

It suddenly became quiet, and all the two of us could hear was the chirping of the birds. Brittany and I seemed to have been having a moment when, all of a sudden, everyone else woke up.

"Well, I suppose it's breakfast time."
"Yeah. Um, sounds great."

We awkwardly walked away from each other and joined our respective groups of friends.

"Nice, you and Brittany."
"Come on, Ben, it's damn near impossible to get Brittany Ziegler. She's one of those free-spirit type, therefore, she sees right through all my crap."

We were then joined by Mohawk and B.

"Good morning!"
"Hi, Mohawk."
"Isn't it a beautiful day?"
"Yes. Yes it is."

The awkward breakfast with Mohawk lasted another hour. We then had more Shabbat services up in the mountains. Afterwards, we went on a hike. Brittany came on the hike, so I decided I'd hang out with her some more.

"Okay, so describe for me your current predicament. When has the Mac-Attack ever had drama in his life?"
"You and I obviously haven't spent enough time together, Brittany. There's lots of drama in my life."
"Spill it. B told me a little bit, but he didn't know much."

I would've questioned why she cared so much, but I figured I might as well just tell her.

"You know Melinda Moskowitz."
"The Youth Director's daughter, right?"
"Yeah. Anyways, I finally figured out that I was in love with her. After a few speedbumps, we finally started something up...sex."
"Oh my."
"Well, it turns out that it didn't mean much to her. It hurt, so her and I are no longer speaking."
"Wait, let me get this straight--you were hurt? The Almighty Mac-Attack was vulnerable?"
"Okay, I deserved that."
"I'm sorry, Mac. But, you know, I've heard so many stories about you. Mostly good things because USY girls don't take hook-ups too seriously, but you've been known to break a couple hearts too."
"Well, a girl named Dara Karpen changed that last year. Now I'm the one who ends up with a broken heart."
"I'm not a fan of the broken heart."
"It's not exactly my idea of a perfect situation either."

We continued walking and talking. Brittany was very easy to talk to.

That night, there was another campfire. We had smores and sang songs. It was really amazing.

I decided to take a walk and try to gather all my thoughts. One thought that was on my mind was Brittany. I had been talking to her a lot and concluded that I must've liked her because I'm usually bored with girls after 15 minutes to an hour.

As I walked, I saw that Tony Abromi did convince Amanda Braun to go star-gazing with him. I also noticed that instead of gazing at the stars, their lips were attached to each others'.

"Go Tony," I said under my breath.

Brittany caught up with me.

"Beautiful night, isn't it? I wish I could paint a picture of this."
"Nights like these are what I'm all about. I love the stars."
"Mac-Attack Maccabbi, do we have something in common?"
"I think we may be more alike than you think."

I don't remember for certain, but I think I was about to kiss her when we were interrupted once again. This time, by a crying Sam.

"Sam, what's wrong?"
"It's Steve! He's...he's...he's..."
"Not very bright?"
"A BASTARD! That's what he is!"
"I know, honey. Come on, let's walk."

And just like that, Brittany was gone and I was alone again.

I wasn't alone for long, though. Mohawk appeared.

"Hey, Mac."
"Mohawk."
"Listen, Mac, I don't think I told you where I've been for the last couple years."
"Juvie, right? You punched out your step-dad."
"What?"
"You weren't in Juvie?"
"No. I was deported back to Canada. It took a couple years for my dad to get that taken care of, but I'm back now and I'm an American citizen."

I didn't know what else to say except: "You're Canadien?"

The two of us laughed about that.

The next day, it was time to leave. That night would be Kol Nidre, so most people would be leaving relatively early. The Tuscon people were the first to leave.

"Mohawk," I said as I caught my old friend. "Will you be at more events this year?"

Mohawk smiled.

"I missed two years of this shit. You think I'm gonna miss another?"

We hugged and he got on his bus.

About ten minutes later, the Vegas people were getting ready to leave. Brittany came up to me before getting on her bus.

"Hey."
"Hey. Is Sam doing better?"
"Yes, much. Schuckman is a douche and doesn't deserve her."
"Well, it was nice of you to help her out."

It was quiet for a second.

"Hey, Brittany?"
"Yes?"
"If things were a little different, like if I had been a much nicer guy over the years, do you think we'd have a shot?"

Brittany looked at me and smiled.

"Who knows? You may be a much nicer guy than I thought."

She kissed me on the cheek.

"Goodbye, Mac-Attack."

I got my bus shortly after and sat down next to Ben.

"So, Brittany Ziegler."
"Yup. Maybe something might be in the cards."
"Didn't you say yesterday that she can see through all your crap?"

I smiled.

"Yes. Maybe that's just what I need."

And on that sentiment, the bus began to move.

The next day was Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. I approached Melinda at services.

"Melinda, I'm sorry for everything that happened between us this year. If things were different, maybe things could go back to normal. But we can't pretend that nothing happened between us, and we can never move on if we keep pretending."

Melinda looked at me.

"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry things aren't different."

On that note, we walked away from each other. Perhaps I had finally gotten closure on that whole situation.

But knowing me, there's always more drama to be had, isn't there?

Sincerely,
Mac-Attack