A Decision in the Life of the Mac-Attack

"Well, Michael, aren't you gonna open it?"

My mother was referring to the envelope that was in my hands. An envelope addressed to me from the University of Florida, my dream school. The school that had everything I wanted: a great party scene, a good Jewish population, many different majors to choose from, and an athletic team that I had been rooting for my entire life.

I sat on the couch with the envelope in my hands, sitting next to my mom and my girlfriend Melinda. Before this moment, I hadn't told Melinda about my pending application to the Gator Nation, mostly because I had applied before we had gotten together and I hadn't thought about much of anything besides her since the two of us became official at my sister's wedding.

"Open it, Michael."

Her tone was encouraging, but I could see in her facial expression that she was trying to process what was happening. Melinda has never been the type to ask a ton of questions when a new concept is presented to her; she always tried to digest the information as it unfolded in front of her. Right now, she was learning something new about me: she was learning that one of my dreams was to be a Florida Gator. In the 17 years that her and I had known each other, this was probably the one thing that she didn't know about me. Most of our lives, we always talked about living in today and not worrying about tomorrow. Needless to say, the future was never a topic of discussion for the two of us.

"You sure I should open it now?"
"Well, now is as good a time as any."
"Aren't you, like, making dinner?"
"Melinda told me that you guys were having a date night, so we're all going out so you two can have your privacy."

You may want to take note of this moment: this is the first time my mother ever trusted me to be alone with a girl in our home.

"Okay, well, I guess I'll open it now."

As I lifted my hand to tear open the envelope, my father stepped into the house.

"Hello, family."
"Al, Michael got a letter from Gainesville."
"The University of Florida? My alma mater?"
"Yes."
"Wow. I didn't even know you applied, son."
"I guess it's the top news story of the day."
"Well, what did the letter say?"
"I haven't opened it yet."
"Haven't opened it yet? Well, what are you waiting for?"

I was mostly waiting to wake up from this stressful nightmare.

"Just open it already. The suspense is killing us, Michael."

Believe me, it was killing me too.

"Okay, here it goes."

Quickly, I tore open the envelope and took a look at the letter that was in there. I was too stunned to speak when I looked at the letter from the Director of Admissions.

"Well, what does it say?"

I mentally prepared myself for a moment, and then I began to read out loud:

"

Dear Michael,

Congratulations! On behalf of our faculty, staff, and students, I am pleased to offer you admission to the University of Florida for the Fall 2010 semester.

At the University of Florida, you can experience a challenging academic program, directed by world-class professors who really care about your learning experience. You can engage in numerous extracurricular activities while meeting students from down the street and around the world. As a student, you can expect a great experience!

Welcome to the University of Florida. I look forward to your enrollment!

Sincerely,

Isaac Hayes

Director of Undergraduate Admissions

"

Everyone in the room looked at me. I couldn't help smiling when I said: "I got in."

My parents acted as if they were more proud of me than they had ever been in my entire 17 years of existence.

"My alma mater. I'm so proud of you Michael!"

"I just knew you could do it, Michael."

Melinda, on the other hand, didn't say much of anything. It wasn't until my parents left that she spoke.

"So, Florida."

"Yeah."

"Congratulations."

Her smile faded away. It was then that she changed the subject.

"So, do we wanna order pizza?"

"Yeah. Extra cheese?"

"Always."

It went to the phone to order the pizza. When I was done ordering, it was quiet. I was the first to speak.

"Do you wanna talk about this?"

"Talk about what?"

"Florida."

"Oh, that."

I could tell that she had a mouthful to say, but I could also tell that she didn't want to say it.

"Melinda, I applied before you and I got together."

"Oh. Well, that would explain why you didn't tell me."

"It never came up in conversation, Melinda."

"You knew about ASU."

"Melinda, the whole world knows that you're gonna go to ASU. You've been talking about ASU since Kindergarden."

"How long have you wanted to go to Florida?"

"Since the first time I was able to say 'gator'."

"How come you never talked about it?"

"Because I have never talked about the future, Melinda. Thinking past tomorrow makes my stomach hurt."

"Which is why it's always been easy for you to just hook up with anything on two legs. You never thought of the consequences."

Okay. Now that was out-of-line.

"That's not fair, Melinda."

"Why not? That's who you are."

"Not anymore, it's not. I'm with you. You're the only one that I'm interested in. I haven't so much as looked at another girl since I've been with you."

"Will you still feel the same when you're 2000 miles away in Gainseville?"

"Melinda, when I applied, I didn't dream that you and I would have what we have."

"And now?"

"Now, I am thinking that this is a stupid reason to fight."

"What a surprise. When things get tough, you wanna avoid it. Just like when Dara broke up with you and you ran off to California."

"If memory serves, Melinda, I ran off to California because of you. I was never heartbroken over Dara. I was heartbroken over you. When we were fooling around a couple months back, it was you that didn't want anything more. And right now, it is you that is arguing about this."

"You wanted to talk about it."

"Well, I was obviously wrong for wanting that."

Our argument was broken up by the doorbell ringing. It was the pizza guy.

"That'll be thirty two dollars."

I gave him $40 and said: "Keep the change."

When I shut the door, I looked at Melinda.

"I don't want this to ruin our date night."

"Well, neither do I."

"So can we please not talk about it?"

"Okay, fine."

We kissed.

"I love you. I really don't wanna lose you."

We kissed again.

"I'm not going anywhere at the moment. I'm with you right now, and that's all that matters."

The kisses made for a good band-aid to resolve the situation for the moment. We ended up having a nice evening that consisted of us not talking about my offer of admissions to my dream school.

I met up with Ben for lunch at By the Slice the next day. I needed some serious advice on the situation.

"Congratulations on getting in, man."

"Thanks, Ben."

"How are you feeling?"

"Nauseous."

"That's a strange emotion."

"Melinda flipped out about it last night, Ben. We got in a huge argument."

"Then what happened?"

"The pizza arrived."

"Saved by the bell."

"Basically."

"So what are you gonna do? Are you gonna accept your admission?"

"You know I want to, Ben. But it's complicated now."

"Well, you love her."

"I do."

"But how much do you love her?"

"To be honest, I think I love her more than any man could love any other woman. I love her so much. You have no idea."

Ben assessed my statement before he proceeded.

"Is your love worth choosing a different school?"

I thought about the question for the next couple days. I had plenty of time before I needed to formally accept my offer of admission, but I felt that it was a decision that needed to be made immediately. Unfortunately, I couldn't seem to make up my mind. Did I want to stay in Arizona with my girlfriend, or did I want to go to the school I've always dreamed about and pursue the opportunities that would present themselves 2000 miles away.

I decided to talk about it with my dad when I went to work in his office that week. He was just finishing up a meeting with the synagogue president, Mr. Jerry Steinberg, when I arrived.

"Rabbi, we just feel that with your health, you need an associate to take on some of your added stresses."

"Jerry, the heart attack happened in August. That's four months."

"This is just how the congregation feels, Rabbi. We'll be voting on it after the First of the Year."

"Then talk to me after January 1st."

"I'm just looking out for you, Rabbi. We all are."

"And I appreciate your concern. Goodbye now, Jerry."

As the president exited, I entered.

"Hey."

"Hi, Michael. Can you please hold all of my calls today?"

"Yeah. What was that all about?"

"The board wants to hire an assistant rabbi. Some young hot shot from Atlanta."

"Why?"

"Apparently they've been talking about it since my heart attack. The money is in the budget now, with the next fiscal year starting on New Years' Day. I don't really wanna talk about it right now."

"Okay. Well, I have to talk about something else."

"What's up?"

"Well, you know I got into UF and all."

"And I'm so proud of you for that, Michael."

"I know you are. But, you see, I'm having some second thoughts."

"Second thoughts? You've always wanted to go to Florida."

"And I still do. But there's other things. Like, Melinda for instance."

My dad seemed to understand. He looked at me and put his arm around me.

"You know that when I was in high school, I had a very special girlfriend. Her name was Jane and I was crazy about her. We got together in 7th grade."

"Jesus, you were with a girl for five years???"

"I've been with your mother for thirty five years."

"That's different. You were with one girl for all of middle and high school."

"Yes, I know it's a hard concept for you to grasp."

"Seriously. Too much commitment."

"Anyway, I was originally going to go to Michigan State, because that's where Grandpa Sam went. However, Jane decided to go to UF for their psychology department. I followed her there and went to the business school. Two weeks into the first semester, Jane dumped me for another psych major."

I had never heard this story. Before he told me the story, I had never even heard of Jane.

"At the moment, I felt that I loved Jane more than any man could love any other woman. She was my first everything."

I listened to my father speak, and the message was becoming very clear to me.

"The point that I'm making is that you need to do something because it's what you want to do. I ended up loving the Gator Nation, but I still wonder how life would be different if I had been a Spartan. I don't regret it, but I understand that it was a stupid reason to go to a school."

He looked at me.

"You do whatever you want, and I promise I will support your decision. I won't be mad if you decide not to go to UF. But don't do it for Melinda. Do it for yourself."

It was the single greatest piece of advice I had ever been given. When Melinda and I went out that night, I knew exactly what I needed to say.

"I've been thinking a lot about this Florida thing, Melinda."

"I know. So have I."

"Then I need to tell you something."

"No. Me first."

"Okay."

"If going to Florida is going to make you happy, then you need to go there."

"That's what I was going to say. I accepted my admission to UF. I'm going there next year, and I'll be spending the next four years there."

"I'm happy for you."

I looked at her and took her hand.

"Listen, I don't know what the future holds for the two of us. All I know is that I wanna be with you right now. Right now is all I care about. Yes, I'm going away to school, but we can cross that bridge when we get to it."

"Absolutely."

We kissed.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

We kissed again, and I felt okay. In fact, I felt great about my decision to go to UF. I knew in my heart that I made the right choice. However, I also knew that the next few months would probably be the end of me and Melinda, but, like I told her: we would cross that bridge when we got there.

Sincerely,

Mac-Attack

Thinking About the Future in the Life of the Mac-Attack

It was the last board meeting of 2009, and it seemed that no one wanted to get anything done.

"Come on, Mac," said Tony Abromi, the Communications Officer/Resident idiot of the Temple Beth Zion USY Board. "It's Winter Break. Can't we just have a party?"

"Can't you just shut your yap?" asked Amanda Braun, our Membership Officer who had actually hooked up with Tony on the USY Camping Trip a couple months back.

"I ain't talkin' to you, Hot Lips."
"Don't call me 'Hot Lips', pizza-breath!"

It seemed that Amanda had regretted the hook-up ever since it happened.

"Can we please have some order here, folks? It's the last meeting of the semester."
"What do we even need the meeting for, Machiavelli?"
"Yes," intervened Sharon Stone, our Israel Affairs Officer. "Programming this past semester was great."
"The campin' trip was the best."

Tony winked at Amanda.

"Ew."
"Listen to Mac," said Ben. "Programming last semester was great, but what about this semester. There's a lot that has to get done."
"Thank you, Ben. Come on, people, we need ideas."
"I've got an idea."

For some reason, we could always count on Josh Mauer, the Religion/Education Officer, to come up with good ideas.

"Okay, Josh. The floor is your's."
"Thank you, Mac.

Just then, he took a piece of paper out of his pocket and began reading from it.

"Friends and Fellow Board Members, I feel that it would be quite beneficial to propose a new form of USY Programming."
"And that form would be--"
"SHHHH!"
"Sorry. Continue, Josh."
"I have two passions in my life: Judaism and the Theatre! I feel that I should be using both my passions together. So, my proposition would be to start a USY Theatre Program, with your director Your's Truly."
"The theatre? Are ya serious right now? In New York, we don't even know what that word means!"
"New York City is the Broadway Capital of the World, you idiot."
"Uh, I was talkin' about Brooklyn."
"Sure you were."
"SHHH!!!"
"Keep talking, Josh. We're intrigued."
"Well, here's the goal: to perform plays for Temple Beth Zion's community."
"What does the theatre have to do with Judaism, Josh?"
"If you'll stop interrupting me, you'll know!"
"Sorry."
"There are plenty of short plays that have to do with the Jewish holidays, as well as the torah portions. I was thinking that we could perform every two months so that we always have a month to prepare."
"And a month is all you would need?"
"Totally."
"Well, Josh, if you feel you can pull it off, go for it. All in favor?"

Everybody but Tony said "Aye".

"Then with a near unianimous vote, I hereby grant you permission to run the First TBZ Theatre. Your first play is in February, so please be prepared."
"Thank you, Mac."
"Well, it looks like we're out of time. Before we adjourn, is there anything else that you guys would like to discuss?"
"No."
"With that sentiment, meeting is adjourned. Have a great Winter Break."

Everyone except for Ben and I ran out of the room as soon as I said the word "break".

"I don't know if I've ever seen such an eager group of people."
"You know, Ben, it just hit me--we're about to enter our last semester of high school."
"I know. It's so weird."
"Have you heard from U of A yet?"
"Nah, I just sent my application three weeks ago. What about you?"
"Well, I've only sent out one application."
"ASU?"
"Nope."
"NAU?"
"No way. Who'd wanna go to NAU?"
"Well, I know you don't have any interest in U of A, so where did you apply?"
"The University of Florida."

Ben was quiet.

"Did you say Florida?"
"I certainly did."
"The Sunshine State?"
"Yup."
"In the Southeastern Region of the United States?"
"Yes, Ben."
"But, it's so...far."
"That's the point, Ben. There's nothing for me in Arizona."
"But you've lived here your whole life."
"If you'd lived in Arizona your whole life, you'd understand why I wanna get out. And plus, UF is my dad's alma mater. I've wanted to go there my whole life."
"So that's why you always rooted for the Gators."
"Exactly."
"So I just have one more question."
"Okay. Hit me."
"Does Melinda know that you're looking to go to school 2000 miles away?"

As a matter of fact, I hadn't told Melinda about my college aspirations. It really wasn't a subject that we talked about. In fact, we hardly talked about the future at all.

"No, Ben. I haven't told her."
"Well, how are you two gonna be able to stay together if she's going to ASU next year?"
"I guess it's not something I've really thought about, Ben."
"When did you apply?"
"Right before my sister's wedding."
"So you and Melinda weren't really together when you applied."
"No, but I hardly see what that has to do with it."
"Well, I was thinking that maybe when you two got together, it gave you a reason to stay here."
"Ben, I love her. You know I love her. But this is my future we're talking about."
"And your future doesn't involve Melinda?"

There was a pause.

"I guess I don't know."

After I got home that night, I began to think more and more about where I would see myself in the next 10 years. In truth, I had no idea what I would be majoring in or even what I wanted to do with my life. I knew that Florida had a very good business school (which is where my dad got his first degree), but I didn't know if that was the field that I wanted to go into. The main thing I thought of was Melinda, and whether or not we would be together in this future.

That night, I had a dream of one possiblilty, and it went a little something like this.

"Honey, I'm home!"
"Hello, Darling. How was your day?"

Melinda was there, and obviously she was my wife in this dream. I was wearing a business suit, so perhaps it meant that I had become a businessman.

"It was great. A lot of exciting stuff is happening."
"Tell me about it."
"Brett Favre wants to sign with us--and with me as his agent!"

Mac-Attack Maccabbi: Sports Agent. It has a nice ring to it.

"Wow! How long has he been playing now?"
"He's about to start his 30th season, and he's doin' it in style!"
"Where is he gonna play?"
"Good Ol' Arizona, where he'll be the Starting Quarterback for the Cardinals!"
"Well, then, how about a toast?"

Out of nowhere, a big bottle of champagne and two glasses appeared.

"To my husband the sports agent."

We raised our glasses and kissed. Just then, five small children came running down the stairs. There were 3 boys and 2 girls, and they all looked exactly like Melinda and I.

"Kids?"
"Yes. We have five of them."
"Five kids?"

I was beginning to panic.

"Well, when we got married, you said you wanted a big family."
"I did?"
"Yes. And it is a big family. Isn't it wonderful?"

As five screaming children were jumping all over me, calling me "Daddy" and what not, I finally woke up from the dream. I was shaking and sweating in my bed.

The next morning, I came downstairs and saw that Melinda was at my house, sitting and talking with my mother over some biscuits and gravy.

"Oh, good. You're up. Your plate is over on the counter."

I was confused as to why my girlfriend was there.

"Uh, thanks."
"Good morning, baby."

She came over to me and gave me a kiss.

"Hi. Uh, what are you doing here?"
"Your mom invited me over for breakfast. She actually invited me to spend the whole day with her, Tara, and JT."
"You're spending the day with my mom, my sister, and my gay brother?"
"Yes. We're gonna buy some baby-stuff for Tara."
"Baby-stuff?"
"And then I figured you and I could stay in tonight, maybe watch a movie."
"Stay in?"
"Yeah, I just wanna relax. Finals took a LOT out of me."
"Melinda, are you ready to go?"
"Yes, Mrs. Maccabbi."
"Oh, enough of the 'Mrs. Maccabbi' talk. I think we've known each other long enough that you can call me Mom!"

I began shaking again. The color in my face flushed.

"I'll see you later, baby."

She kissed me and left with my mom and my brother JT, who seemed very excited to be having a girls' day out.

When they left, I sat down in a chair and tried to get my thoughts together. Just then, my twin brother Darrin came downstairs and looked at me in amusement.

"You look like shit."
"Thanks, asshole. So do you."
"Hey hey hey, what's your mood?"
"I just have a lot on my mind."
"Like what?"
"Well, for starters: I wanna go to UF really badly, but now I realize that going away means that my future may not involve Melinda. Then I had a dream last night that Melinda was involved in my future. And we had kids--FIVE KIDS!"
"They must have really shitty birth control in Florida, then."
"And now, Melinda is going shopping with my family and calling my mother 'Mom'. And I don't know what I wanna do with my life or if I even want Melinda to be the woman whom I share my life with. And I'm scared, shaking, and confused. AND I DON'T WANT FIVE KIDS!!!"

Darrin was silent for a second.

"So, you don't want five kids?"
"I don't know if I want three kids."
"Or two?"
"Well, I at least want two. I don't want to have an only child."
"So you do want kids."
"Well, God did say 'Be Fruitful and Multiply'."
"But you don't know if you want to have kids with Melinda?"
"I don't know, man. I love her."
"Maybe you're overreacting."
"Perhaps."
"Don't stress. It's not like you've gotten into UF yet. Worry about it then."
"That's a good idea. Thanks, bro."
"It's what I'm here for. You wanna go down to the driving range?"
"Yeah, why not?"

A few hours of hitting golf balls went by. When we got home, Melinda was sitting in the living room with my mom, my sister, and my younger brother.

"Hey, baby."
"Hey. How was today?"
"It was fantabulous!!!"
"I had fun."

I kissed my girlfriend and sat down. Just then, my mom handed me an envelope.

"Michael, this came for you from the University of Florida today."

The envelope was adressed:
Michael Maccabbi
20246 East Avenida Street
Phoenix, AZ 85054

It was from:
The University of Florida
Office of Undergraduate Admissions
PO Box 114000
Gainesville, FL 32611

I was completely still. Everything that was on my mind (the future, Melinda, my five children, etc) suddenly came back to me. My future was inside an envelope, and I knew that as soon as I opened that envelope, my future would be sealed.

Sincerely,
Mac-Attack

Beating a Rival in the Life of the Mac-Attack

"Okay, bring it in!"

Our latest basketball practice was about to end, and things were going well for the team. Ben and I were doing the coaching, of course. We'd been practicing at the JCC in Scottsdale, and it was a perfect facility for what we needed it for. It had full courts, locker rooms, and even a gym so we could do some weight-lifting with the team.

"Take a knee--did I STUTTER?"

Ben was a bit of a hard-ass when he got into his coaching mode, but it was okay, because he knew that it was a good way to motivate the players.

"Great job today, everyone."
"Yes, you guys are showing some great hustle out there...but it's not enough yet."

The athletes looked disappointed in themselves.

"Um, what Ben means is that--"
"YOU GUYS CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!"

Now the athletes just looked at Ben as if he was a bumbling idiot.

"The USY Hanukkah Bowl is this weekend. We play Vegas on Friday afternoon!"
"From what we hear, they're pretty good."
"They are the best. Now, I don't wanna point out anyone specific--Bobby--but you guys cannot be missing those easy shots. We all learned how to do a lay-up in KINDERGARDEN!"

"I only missed one lay-up!" argued Bobby Goldstein, our shooting guard.

"You can't miss any if you want a shot at those assholes!"

"Ahem," chimed in Sam Bernstein, the only girl on the team and the only one who was actually from Vegas. "They aren't all assholes."

"He knows that," I whsipered. "He's just saying it for dramatic effect."
"Mac-Attack, when I ask you for your opinion, that is when you give your opinion."
"I wasn't giving my opinion, Ben."

The team was starting to zone out.

"Okay, guys, run your laps and hit the showers." I blew my whistle and they were off.

I looked at Ben, who seemed quite frustrated.

"Dude, you might wanna lay off of the team a little bit."
"Mac, it's our first game."
"I know, Ben."
"We're coaching, Mac. And I wanna beat that douchebag Schuckman."
"That's what this is about?"
"Yeah."

Steve Schuckman was Sam's ex-boyfriend who cheated on her the whole time they were together. Recently, though he probably wouldn't admit it, Ben had taken a big liking to our only female athlete. Therefore, he would do anything to win her heart, including (but not limited to) beating her ex-boyfriend in a schoolyard game of basketball.

"You're into Sam, Ben."
"No I'm not."

I told you he wouldn't admit it.

"Ben, you never cared a thing about Schuckman until you found out he was Sam's cheating boyfriend."
"No, I, uh, hate him because he's always hooking up with girls that you wanna hook up with."
"Ben, I have a girlfriend."
"Well, before you were with Melinda, he would--"
"Ben!"

Sam was about to finish her final lap as she called Ben's name.

"Go to her, Benjamin," I said in a very sophisticated accent. "Run to her!"
"Yeah, fuck you," he said, laughing. As he approached the fair maiden, I headed up to the locker room.

"I really need to improve."
"Nah, you were doin' great out there."
"Ben, I want this game just as much as you do. Maybe more."
"Okay, you've got my attention. What can I do for you?"
"Maybe some one-on-one practice."
"I can meet you at TBZ tomorrow night."
"Okay, great."

Ben told me about his exchange with Sam the next day at school.

"You gonna take her to dinner first?"
"What?"
"You know, on your date."
"Shut up, Mac. It's not a date."
"Sure, Ben."
"Ben's got a date?"
"Where did you come from?"

Melinda basically came out of nowhere.

"Hey, baby."

I kissed her.

"So who is Ben going on a date with?"
"Sam."
"It's not a date!"

Ben walked away, muttering something to himself.

"Well, he's sure defensive."
"Yeah, well, you know how people get when they're in love."
"So I've heard."

We kissed again.

That night, Ben met Sam over at TBZ for a private one-on-one coaching session (aka a date).

"Hey, Coach."
"Hey, yourself. You ready to play some b-ball?"
"Always."

The two began to play a game. Ben was going easy on her (so he said). When Ben told me about it the next day, he told me he only lost by a couple points.

"Wow, how did you just lose by 10 points?"
"Uh, I was going easy on you."
"Right. Well, looks like you may need a coaching session of your own."
"Do you mean to say that the student should be the teacher?"
"Unless you wanna prove me wrong. Maybe you can turn up the heat this time."
"You're on."

They played another game, and this time, Ben told me that he buried her.

"Good game, Ben. Except for the fact that I went easy on you, but you still only won by two points.
"Okay, Sam. Let's play one more game, make it a 'best two out of three' type of thing. We both play to our full potential."
"You're on, but loser has to buy the pizza."
"Deal."

This game was even more intense than the first two. They played to 40, and the game was neck-and-neck for over an hour. The minute after Ben made a shot, Sam would make a shot. It came down to the final point. Sam took the ball to the three-point line, took a shot, and sunk it in. Sam had won the impromptu basketball series. She began to run around, cheering as if she won the Gold Medal at the Olympics.

"Looks like you owe me a pizza!"

Ben got close to her.

"I would've bought the pizza either way."

She looked at him and kissed him. The two proceeded to go on their first official date at By the Slice.

A couple days later, it was Friday. As soon as school ended, Ben and I headed to the JCC, where the game would be taking place. We all got dressed in the locker room, solemnly and with a purpose. Everyone had one word on their minds: WIN.

As we walked out of the locker room and headed down to the court for warm-up, we saw our opponents from Vegas walking in, led by the biggest goon of West Coast USY.

"Well, if it isn't the Mac-Attack himself."
"Schuckman."
"I heard you're the coach of this group of misfits."
"Assistant Coach, actually."
"Who's the head coach?"

As if on cue, Ben entered the conversation.

"That would be me, Schuckman."
"Sheiner? You're the head coach?"
"That's right."
"This is gonna be fun."
"Yeah, it will be."

As if on cue, Ben's new girlfriend entered the conversation as well. As she approached us, she put her arms on Ben. Schuckman automatically understood what was going on.

"Wait a minute--you're going out with him?"
"That's right, Steve. He's 100 times the guy that you are."
"Enjoy the game, Steve."

On that note, the three of us headed down to the court to warm up. Soon, a huge crowd of West Coast USYers filled the JCC Basketball arena. It began to get loud as Ben and I delivered our pep talk.

"Okay, guys; this is it. Listen to the crowd. They are cheering for every single one of us."

As Ben said this, we could hear the entire crowd shouting: "Mac-Attack! Mac-Attack!"

"Okay, they're cheering for one of us."

The team chuckled at the comment.

"We can do this tonight, team. We've worked hard these past few weeks."

As the noise-level increased, so did Ben's confidence in the team.

"ARE YOU READY FOR THIS???"
"YEAH!!!" shouted the team in excitement.
"HANDS IN! PHOENIX, ON THREE!"

We all counted together: "ONE, TWO, THREE, PHOENIX!!!"

At that moment, Brian Berg, known by most as B, sat down at the sideline table and took the microphone. He would be the announcer throughout the game.

"Welcome, West Coast USYers, to the First Annual WCUSY Basketball League Hanukkah Bowl, featuring Team Vegas, led by Steve Schuckman..."

There were a few cheers from the huge crowd.

"...and Team Phoenix led by Ben Sheiner and MAC-ATTACK MACCABBI!!!"

At the sound of my name, the noise level hit the roof.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, as it is the first night of Hanukkah tonight, please welcome Tara Hudson, our Regional President, to the court to light the menorah!"

The noise level remained high as Tara Hudson entered the court. She lit the candles as the entire crowd sang the blessings.

"Welcome, everyone."

The crowd continued to cheer.

"At this time, can the coaches please meet me at Center Court?"

Ben and I walked to Center Court to see that the coach of Team Vegas was none other than Steve Schuckman.

"How fitting," Ben commented as we approached Center Court.

"Good luck," Schuckman said fakely.

"We got something better than luck," he said as he gripped Schuckman's hand tightly. "We got skill."

After the intense hand-shake, we went back to our bench and began the game.

It was obvious that the Vegas team was great. During most of the first half, we were able to keep it relatively close, but Team Vegas was ahead 60-50 at halftime. The team's morale was low, and we needed to come up with a game plan, and quickly.

"You got any ideas, Coach?"
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking."

Ben started looking through his notebook, but just got more frustrated as he realized we'd run every play with every rotation. We had absolutely no strategy, and the team knew it.

Ben began pacing around the locker room, trying to think of a plan. Suddenly, it hit him.

"I need more time."
"In case you haven't realized it, Ben, the third quarter starts in 2 minutes. Time isn't a luxury."
"Yes, Mac. Yes it is."

I was confused.

"I'm confused."
"Everyone, gather round."

The team immediately did so.

"Okay, so here's what we're gonna do: I'm going to sit out the entire 3rd quarter and observe what's going on. In the meantime, I want Sam, Joe, Bobby, Chad and Larry to start it off."

"Got it, Coach," said Chad.
"Got it, Coach," said Larry.
"I'm in, Coach," said Bobby.
"I'm ready, Coach," said Joe.

Sam was the only one with any objection.

"What about Mac?"
"What about him?"
"Ben, besides Sam, he's our best player."
"I know, but he's a coach as much as I am."

Everyone on the team immediately looked at me.

"I'm with Ben on this one, guys."

Suddenly, they all looked even more discouraged.

"Okay, guys. I know it doesn't seem like it, but these guys are getting tired! They only have so much energy left, and you know what else? They are scared of what you guys are capable of. They certainly aren't expecting to see Ben and I on the bench when we return. It'll throw them off. Now, CAN WE WIN THIS GAME???"
"YEAH!!!"
"Then no complaints, no surrender, and NO MERCY!!!"
"YEAH!!!"
"LET'S DO IT!!!"

The team was suddenly pumped up and ready to go into action. Team Vegas was starting with the ball, but it wasn't long before we got into a groove. Sam started us off with a steal from Rob Jacobovich, Team Vegas's star power forward. She followed that by a pass to Joe who dribbled it down and made an easy 3-pointer. 53-60.

"Let's go, keep it up!"

Vegas got the ball back, but not for long. Bobby blocked a pass from Jacobovich to Schuckman, and as soon as he got the ball, he passed it immediately to Sam who dribbled it down-court. She couldn't find a shot, so she passed it to Joe who scored two points. 55-60.

"Okay, we're down by only 5 now. Let's keep it up."
"Change up!"

The players rotated and some fresh legs got into the game. Billy Horowitz scored two on a fast-break lay-up. He was also fouled and made both of his free throws. 59-60, thus ending the 3rd quarter.

"Okay, bring it in!"

Ben looked at the faces of all our teammates.

"Here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna sit the rest of the game out."

There was some talking amongst the team.

"Hey, listen up. Mac will be coming in to start the 4th quarter out. I want Sam, Bobby, Joe and Billy to join him out there."
"Alright, I'm ready."
"You better be ready. Now, our objective for this quarter: we are down by just one point. Once we score that point, which we will, I wanna bury these guys. Are we understanding each other?"

We all nodded our heads.

"Okay, let's show these assholes what we're made of!!!"

We got on the court and started the quarter. This time, we started with the ball and were able to get things moving right away. I passed the ball to Billy to start things off, he passed it to Sam, but Schuckman came out of nowhere and intercepted her pass to Bobby. Schuckman went down the court and scored a basket. 59-62.

"It's okay," I assured her. "We'll get it back."

Almost instantly, we were able to get the ball down-court. Joe passed to me and I got an easy lay-up. 61-62, and we were down by just one point, yet again.

Time was suddenly moving incredibly fast, and no matter how good our defense was playing, we were finding ourselves unable to make a shot ourselves. The score remained at 61-62, until there was literally five seconds left, and we suddenly got the break we needed. It was a shooting foul, and our team would get two shots (one to tie the game and one to win). But, guess who was gonna be trying for the free throws.

"You can do this, Mac."

I looked at the crowd, all of whom were cheering for me. I looked at my teammates, who were relying on me.

"Mac Maccabbi will be attempting two free throws, and a chance to win the game for Team Phoenix," announced B.

"Okay," I thought to myself. "I can do this."

I looked at the ball, and then at the basket, then I watched the ball swoosh through the net. 62-62.

"One more."

If I had been sweating any more, I could've sworn I was in a swimming pool. I looked at the crowd again. I closed my eyes and then opened them. In a quick, swift motion, I took the shot and immediately closed my eyes afterwards. Had it not been for the noise level hitting the roof of the JCC, I would've never known I had made the shot.

"YES!"

My teammates, as well as the crowd of USYers ran onto the court and mobbed me. In all the mess, I saw the one person who I wanted to see the most.

"I must say, Michael, I was actually entertained by sports for once."

I looked at Melinda, smiled, and we kissed passionately on the basketball court.

"I love you; you played great."
"I love you too."

We continued kissing, and we weren't the only ones.

"Great game, Coach."
"Thanks. I couldn't have done it without you."

As they were about to kiss, the losing coach approached them.

"Hey, Ben."

Ben and Sam turned around and faced Steve Schuckman.

"It was a great game."

Schuckman reached his hand out, and Ben shook it. The coaches acknowledged each other.

"Where were we?" Ben asked once Schuckman had left.
"Right about here," said Sam right before kissing him.

It was a perfect example of an "all's well that ends well" ending. We won the game, Ben won the girl, I made the final shot, and either way, I had a beautiful girlfriend who loved me. It was a true moment of perfection.

Sincerely,
Mac-Attack

New Traditions in the Life of the Mac-Attack

"We're having Thanksgiving at Tara's house?"

Saying I was surprised was a bit of an understatement. Every year, we'd always spent Thanksgiving in Malibu with my grandma. However, since my sister Tara and her new husband Mark had just moved into their new house, the family made the decision to bring my favorite holiday...yes, MY favorite holday...to a new location.

"Michael, you're overreacting."

My mom's remarks were hurtful to say the least.

"That may be so, but you're being unreasonable! Whatever happened to tradition?"
"Sometimes, you need to be open to new traditions. Didn't you watch Fiddler on the Roof with us when it was on cable last year?"

What was I doing on that night?

Oh yeah, that was the night I hooked up with that one girl.

What was her name?

I believe it was Lily. Yes. Lily.

"I was probably hanging out with Ben that night, Mom."
"We really should own that movie. It's a Jewish classic!"
"Channukah's coming. I'll see what I can do."

We went off on this tangent for a while until I remembered what it was that I was trying to talk to her about before.

"Mom, how does Grandma feel about us suddenly deciding that her place wasn't good enough for Thanksgiving."
"She suggested that we let Tara and Mark host it."
"That bitch."
"Watch your mouth."
"Sorry."
"The decision has been made. Grandma has already bought her plane ticket."
"I'll refund her!"
"Michael--"
"Oh, there's just no use talking to you. Goodnight, Mother."

And on that note, I stormed upstairs to rant about the situation to Darrin, my twin brother.

"And the fact that she made the decision without us. Doesn't that make you mad?"
"I was there when she made the decision. We took a vote."
"Who is 'we'?"
"Mom, Dad, JT and myself."
"And where was I when you guys made this decision."
"It was a Saturday night. You were probably at Melinda's."
"So you guys just made the decision without me?"
"You're at Melinda's every Saturday night."
"You coulda called to get my vote!"
"Yeah, that would've been fun. Not like it would be awkward for Mom and Dad to hear Melinda saying 'GIVE IT TO ME, MAC-ATTACK' in the background."

I gave my brother a strange look.

"I do get home from school at the same time that you do."
"Right."

There was an awkward silence, and then:

"What were we talking about?"
"No idea. How about a Coke?"
"I'd love a Coke."

I told Ben about the situation during lunch the next day.

"It's not fair, Mac."
"I know! Finally, someone who agrees that traditions shouldn't be broken!"
"Traditions? I was talking about the prices for cafeteria food."
"What?"
"$3 for a slice of burnt pizza and a carton of milk just isn't right. They're ripping us off!"
"Ben, how did we get from Thanksgiving to school lunch?"
"When were we talking about Thanksgiving?"

Just then, my beautiful girlfriend Melinda appeared in my vision.

"What are you so worked up about?"
"How'd you know I was worked up about something?"
"Your shoulders are tense, your back is stiff, and plus, I'm a woman and I know everything."

With that sentiment, she kissed me softly.

"Hi."
"Hi."
"So talk to me, tell me what's wrong."
"It's the school lunch prices, Melinda. They are way too high!"
"Not you, you idiot. Me."
"What are you worked up about, Mac-Attack?"
"I just got done--oh, it's useless. I'll tell you again: instead of going to California like we ALWAYS DO, we're having Thanksgiving with Tara and Mark this year."
"Traditions were meant to be broken, Mac. Didn't you ever see Fiddler on the Roof?"
"No, but apparently everyone else has!"
"It's a Jewish classic."
"I get it! I should be open to change and Fiddler on the Roof is a Jewish Classic! Anything else?"
"Well, you forgot to mention the school lunch prices and--"
"That too!"

Knowing I couldn't get my best friend and my girlfriend to understand what I was saying, I walked off. I can only speculate what the conversation between the two was after I left:

"Not gonna lie. It's kinda a turn-on to see him so worked up."
"I think he's overreacting. Did I mention how unreasonable these prices are???"

A couple days later, it was the day before Thanksgiving. My dad decided it would be nice to have everyone over for pizza so that my Grandma could get settled in.

"Hello, grandchildren!"

We all rushed downstairs to greet her. She had three huge bags with just enough clothes to last her the weekend.

"I have a bag for each of you to bring to my room...and a 20 for the first one to be done putting my things away!"

Darrin and JT rushed to get her bags up.

"I don't need the 20. I have a job."
"You most certainly do. How are you, my love? I haven't gotten a call from you in weeks!"
"I've been better."

Grandma's face suddenly changed from giddy to concerned.

"Did you get a girl pregnant, Michael?"
"What? No, Grandma! I'm just a little sad that we're not having Thanksgiving at your place this year."
"That's what you're mad about?"
"Yes. We've been going to your place since I can remember. It's a tradition."
"But traditions change all the time. Haven't you ever seen Fiddler on the Roof? It's a--"
"Please don't say 'Jewish Classic', Grandma."
"But it is, Michael. It truly is."

I felt that the only justification for the change in tradition was the fact that Fiddler on the Roof was a Jewish Classic.

"If you don't wanna go to Tara's, you could always come to my house and spend Thanksgiving with me and my family."

I know she means well, but when I called her that night, she didn't seem to understand why it was that this was bothering me.

"It's not that, baby."
"Then what is it?"
"You always have Thanksgiving at your house, right?"
"Every year."
"So you'd feel weird if you had it some other place, right?"
"Maybe a little."
"For my entire 17 years of existence, we've had Thanksgiving at my Grandma's house. It was always so perfect, being right there on the beach. The only way I know how to have Thanksgiving is to have it at my Grandma's house."
"So it's what you're comfortable with."
"Exactly."
"Haven't you ever stepped out of your comfort zone before, honey? Haven't you ever tried something new?"

Her questions interested me.

"Well, I suppose I have."
"I know that you have. I remember back in Kindergarden. You were so shy and insecure and only hung out with me. But as the years went on, you came out of your shell and met more people. I even remember the first time you noticed girls."
"2nd Grade. Miranda Gonzalez. Wow, she was exotic."
"She was from Peoria."

I laughed a little.

"Michael, change is good. Remember a year ago when we were just friends? Now we're together, and that was a huge change. But, do you wanna know a secret?"
"I'd love to."
"I have never been happier than I am right now."
"Sitting in your room. talking to me about my insecurities via cell phone?"
"You know what I mean, silly."

We ended up talking on the phone for another hour. Just talking about life, school, memories, etc. One of the things that was so great about being with Melinda is that we were best friends for our entire lives before we got together. With her, I felt more content and alive than I ever had before. Most importantly, we knew everything about each other, and we probably knew each other better than we knew ourselves. The one thing that she's always been able to do is get inside my head and allow me to see things a little more clearly. That's kinda what she did when we were talking on the phone that night.

The next day, we arrived at my sister's house close to 2:00.

"HELLO, FAMILY!!!"

Tara was insanely giddy, as she had been since her and Mark got together this past summer.

"Welcome, everyone."

There was about 20 minutes of hugs and kisses (what I like to call the "Jewish hello").

"I love the house, Mark."
"Thanks, Rabbi. We got a great deal on it too. It just needed a little work, so I've been fixing it up since we got back from the Honeymoon."
"I'm telling you, Daddy, he's great with his hands."
"I'll bet he is."

My dad hit me in the back of the head for saying such a thing. I, for one, thought my comment was hilarious.

"Let's watch some football, Michael. I'm sure the ladies don't want us in their hair while they finish up dinner."
"Yeah, man. Sounds good."

We turned on the game. The Cowboys were really destroying the Raiders.

"Goodness, these scores are high. What inning is it?"
"There's no innings in football, Grandma. It's divided into four quarters. It's the 2nd quarter right now."
"If it's only the 2nd quarter, than how are the scores so high?"
"Each time a team scores a touchdown, they get 7 points. If they get a field goal; then they only get 3."
"And if the offense is tackled in their own endzone, the defense gets 2 points. It's called a Safety."
"This game is way too complicated. I think I'll go help in the kitchen."

Dinner was amazing. Turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, you name it. The pumpkin pie was rich in taste. And the truth is, I didn't think much about the fact that we weren't at my Grandma's house. I was thinking about the fact that I was with my family and that we were having fun. Eating, talking, etc. It was truly a great Thanksgiving.

I had driven myself there because I decided I wouldn't go straight home after Thanksgiving dinner. I decided to make a little detour to Melinda's house.

"Hey, honey. I wasn't expecting you."

We kissed.

"I had a crazy idea."
"Oh yeah? What's that?"
"I've been hearing a lot of talk about this Fiddler on the Roof movie. I couldn't understand the hype, so I picked up a copy in hopes that maybe you'd want to watch it with me."
"I'd love nothing more. Come on in."

We spent the next 181 minutes cuddling on her couch and listening to a man named Tevya sing about being a rich man and what not. As we sat and watched the movie, I could suddenly feel yet another tradition starting.

"We should definitely do this every year."
"It's not exactly a Thanksgiving movie."
"True...but it is a Jewish classic!"

And on that sentiment, we agreed to watch Fiddler on the Roof every Thanksgiving from that day forward, for as long as we both shall live.

Sincerely,
Mac-Attack

PS: If you haven't seen Fiddler on the Roof, please do. It's a Jewish Classic.

Making the Cut in the Life of the Mac-Attack

**In my last blog entry, I mentioned that Melinda had made me a surprise before I got on the airplane. However, I forgot to reveal what the surprise was. It was a batch of fresh-baked cookies. I repeat: a bag of fresh-baked cookies.

And now, onto the latest episode of "A Day in the Life of the Mac-Attack"

"Mac!"

Ben was knocking on my front door at 6 in the morning on a SUNDAY!

"Ben, it's 6 in the morning, and on a Sunday."
"It's try-outs day."

He was referring to the basketball try-outs for the West Coast USY Basketball League. Ben and I were appointed to play/coach Team Arizona. I named Ben the Head Coach and myself as the Assistant Coach. Of course, it didn't constitute being woken up at 6 AM on a Sunday, especially when try-outs weren't until FOUR!!!

"Try-Outs aren't until four, Ben."
"Yes, but as coaches, we have to start setting up early."
"THIS EARLY????"

Ben looked embarassed.

"Sorry that I yelled. I know you're really excited about this. Come in and have a cup of coffee."
"I've had three already!"
"Well, come in while I have a cup of coffee. God knows I need it."

Ben and I came into a nearly empty house.

"Parents aren't up yet?"
"Darrin had Regional Choir in Flagstaff this weekend, so the 'rents and JT went up with him."
"So you've had the house to yourself?"
"Almost to myself."

Just then, Melinda came down the stairs in nothing but her robe.

"What's with all the noise? It's 6 AM!"
"It's just Ben, baby."
"Oh, hello, Ben. So nice of you to join us so early in the morning!"

I get a kick out of my girlfriend's blatant sarcasm.

"As I explained to Mac, it's try-out day. I figured we'd get an early start."

Melinda gave Ben a weird look.

"I also woke up at 5, and was creeped out because I was alone. My parents are in Cabo for their anniversary."
"I didn't think your parents' wedding anniversary was until January?"
"Different anniversary."

Melinda got the hint and decided to not ask any more questions.

"Well, since we're all up, I'll make some pancakes while my two favorite coaches talk business."

She kissed me and then went into the kitchen.

"Do your parents know you've been having sex all weekend?"
"Nope."
"Cool. Anyway, I've recieved profiles from 25 athletes who would like to try out."
"Good, we'll only have to cut 10 people."

Ben didn't respond.

"You do understand that we only need 15 players, right?"
"Yes, but what if we had 25? We could have 5 different rotations."
"Yes, but half the guys wouldn't be getting any playing time. Three rotations is all we need."

I could tell that Ben didn't like the idea of cuts, and it was obvious why. Freshman year, he tried out for the basketball team at Deer Valley High, and while he was easily the best player there, he wasn't what they were looking for. He lost his spot to a kid who had donated $5000 to the athletic department. The kid wasn't even that good...in fact, he was very bad. The point is, Ben didn't even touch a basketball until we played at the USY Presidents' Retreat last weekend.

"Do I necessarily have to be the one that makes the cuts, Mac?"
"Well, you are the head coach. I can take notes, but it's ultimately your call."
"Are you sure?"
"Ben, I'm positive."
"Then...can you be the head coach?"
"Ben, there's a reason that I named you head coach. You know more about basketball than anyone I know...plus, the most organized form of basketball that I ever played was in Coach Nasty's P.E. Class."
"But I don't know if I have the heart to tell someone they aren't good enough. It could ruin their lives!"
"Ben...it's a USY Basketball League. Nobody is going to be heartbroken if they don't make it."
"I just don't know if I can do it, Mac. I never thought about the possibility that I'd be cutting someone; I don't even know how to go about it."
"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. In the meantime, let's look at these profiles and see if there's anything impressive."

For the next ten minutes, we looked through several of the athlete profiles. To be quite honest, I wasn't impressed by any of them. Here's a little sample:

Benji Gold of Congregation Am Yisroel: Played from the time he was 5 to the time he was 9. Then they raised the hoop the following season, so he quit.

Elijah Stein of Congregation Am Yisroel: Never played basketball a day in his life, even in P.E. He was, however, a very big Phoenix Suns fan, so he figured he could copy whatever it was that they did.

Thomas Rabinowitz of Temple Beth Zion: Played a huge role for the basketball team at North Scottsdale High...as their waterboy.

There were 22 other profiles that were not unlike these profiles. I was praying that their try-outs would speak for themselves, but I wasn't sure it would work out that way.

Ben and I arrived at the newly designed basketball court at Temple Beth Zion around 3:30. We set up cones and stuff, got our clipboards ready, and prepared for what could be a very painful process.

As the athletes began piling in, we instructed them to take some shots until everyone arrived. So far, the athletes were short, scrawny, and couldn't dribble.

"Hey, Coach, what are the chances that we'll have to cut all these kids?"
"God, I wish there were more black Jews. At least we could have a shot."

When all 25 athletes were there, Ben blew his whistle and everyone took a knee.

"Welcome, USYers!"

Most of the athletes were breathing heavily from the tough work-out of shooting lay-ups for 10 minutes.

"Okay then. I'm Ben Sheiner, Player/Head Coach. To my right is the legendary Mac-Attack Maccabbi; he will be the Assistant Coach."

Generally, I would've gotten a huge applause because I'm the Mac-Attack and all, but all I heard was the sound of asthmatics using their inhalers.

"Just so you guys know, Mac and I will be playing, so we really only have 15 spots on this team. 10 of you will be cut, but don't be sad if you are. I was--I was cut once."

Ben seemed to be struggling with his words. The tears began to come.

"Excuse me for one minute."

He walked away and sat on the bench.

"So, um, we're gonna run you guys in some basic drills. In an hour, we'll scrimmage. Ben and I looked through your profiles, and they were--um--interesting. So, first we wanna see your shooting, so we'll start off with a nice game of bump-out."

When Ben was done crying, we observed the very slow game of bump-out. Don't get me wrong, there were a couple high points, but it wasn't going too well.

"Hey, Mac! This isn't fair. Thomas used his ball to bump mine all the way over there!"
"Benji, I'm gonna explain something to you...it's called BUMP-OUT!"
"Oh, is that where the name comes from?"
"My goodness gracious."

Once the game of bump-out was over, we put the athletes in groups of five to see how they would handle themselves on the court. Each group was unique, so to speak.

"Hey, Thomas, pass the ball!"
"We're not even in the same group!"

Just then, I got a call from Tara Hudson, the President of West Coast USY/the person who recruited Ben and I to head up Team Arizona.

"How's the try-out going?"
"Do you want my honesty or do you want bullshit?"
"Honesty."
"There's 25 athletes, we plan to cut 10, but I'd love to cut ALL OF THEM!!!"
"Why couldn't you have given me bullshit???"
"Tara, there are NO good athletes here. You know some USYers in Arizona; couldn't you just make some calls and have people show up?"
"Not a bad idea...but I just got a better one."
"Care to share?"
"Good rhyming, and I won't share. You'll figure it out for yourself."

At that moment, Tara hung up the phone and I was unsure of what to do next.

"Benji, get your finger out of your nose! Elijah, get your ass up and stop sitting in the middle of the court! And, Thomas, don't even get me STARTED on your laziness. SHOW SOME HUSTLE!"

Before we knew it, it was 5:15 and time for the scrimmage. We decided to give the Bad News Bears a little break first.

"Unless Lebron James converts to Judaism and becomes a member of USY, we're gonna be the laughing stock of the league!"
"Well, at least you and I are on the team. They could always just pass to us."
"We can't be in the game the entire time, Ben. We do have to coach."
"This is a disaster. You'd think that as big as the two USY Chapters are, there would be some athleticism. Please, God, send us an angel."
"At your service, Coach Sheiner."

Ben looked up and saw that an angel was sent in the form of our overweight friend Brian Berg.

"B, what are you doing here?"
"I got a call from El Presidente. She said you needed some reinforcements."
"Since when do you play basketball?"
"I don't...but they do."

At that moment, B pointed out a group of exactly 15 USYers who looked like they were worth something. I had met most of them before, but there was one familiar face that really stuck out.

"Hey, Coaches."
"Sam?"

Sam Bernstein was beautiful and recently single, but more importantly, she had long legs and looked like the type to have a killer jump-shot.

"Alright. Show us what you got."

Sam went up to the three point line and made an easy shot.

"I made Varsity my freshman year at Desert Strip High in Vegas."

Ben's jaw dropped.

"Hey, Coach, are you gonna stare or are we gonna play some basketball?"

Ben, still shocked, blew his whistle and sat down Nerds Incorporated.

"So, um, you guys put a great effort forward today, but I think I'm gonna take the team in another direction. Thank you for your time, and I hope you all will root for us at our first game against Team Vegas."

The Arizona Misfits struggled to get up and leave.

As soon as they were gone:

"Okay, so we won't be making any cuts today, but we will be evaluating all of you on your skills. There are only five people on the court at a given time, so we need to have a couple different rotations going. I'm Ben Sheiner, the head coach. This is Mac-Attack Maccabbi, the Assistant Coach."

I got the applause that I didn't get the first time around.

"Okay, Team Arizona. Let's scrimmage. Show us what you've got."

For the rest of the day, nobody missed a lay-up, nobody had an asthma attack, and everybody understood what "shooting from the perimeter" meant. After the scrimmage, Ben and I treated the team to pizzas over at By the Slice. I knew that this was just the beginning of many victory parties for Team Arizona.

Sincerely,
Mac-Attack