"Michael!"
I arrived at school to hear the voice of Melinda calling my name. She usually doesn't run up to me, but she did on this particular day.
"I have something really important to ask you."
"What's up?" I asked my best female friend.
"You just have to tell me that it isn't true." She sounded worried now.
"Tell you what isn't true?"
I suddenly realized that something terrible was going on. The worst possible thing had happened...a RUMOR!
I had to sit down.
"Okay, Melinda, who said what about me?"
"John Underwood told me that he heard from Gina Rogers who talked to Charlie Harris who found out from Dan Thomas that someone told Jerry Shea that you...hooked up with Lizzie Wales."
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Not Lizzie Wales, anybody but Lizzie Wales. Please, not Lizzie Wales.
"What's this about you and Lizzie Wales, Mac?" Ben said as he suddenly appeared.
"Mac slept with her."
"I DID NOT!"
Lizzie Wales was in our class and was easily the biggest nerd in school. Drum Major of the Marching Band, President of the Anime-Nuts, and founder of the Inner-Beauty Society. She was also notorious for never shaving her legs and constantly sweating. She had frizzy red hair and braces...that she had been wearing since the 2nd grade!
In other words, Lizzie Wales was the WORST possible person to have a hook-up rumor about. I wouldn't mind if the rumor had been about head cheerleader Alexandra Mills or even our Chemistry teacher Ms. Kilroy. ANYBODY but Lizzie Wales. I thought I would throw up.
"This is terrible."
"So you're saying you didn't do it."
"Mac could've slept with Carrie Wilcox. Do you think for one second he would've rather slept with Frizzy Lizzie?"
"I'm glad you guys are behind me on this."
"It would seem that nobody else is behind you on this, though."
"Who all is talking about it?"
Ben and Melinda looked at each other and at the same time said: "Everybody."
"This is just terriffic."
"No it's not, Mac!" Ben said, obviously not realizing my sarcastic tone. "What are you gonna do about your reputation? This could put your social life in the toilet for months!"
"You mean dating right."
"Come on, guys, it won't be THAT bad...will it?"
I then saw three fine girls walk by. Usually when I see three fine girls, I approach them, but they approached me first.
"Hey, Mac." the one in the middle said.
"Hi, uh..."
"Lily."
"Lily, like the flower. Are your friends named Daisy and Rose?"
On a normal day, that line would've gotten me a pizza date or a picnic on the park. But this was no normal day.
"Wow, that's a great line. Did you use it on Frizzy Lizzie?"
Before I could say that I never hooked up with the red-headed nightmare, the three of them walked away laughing. I will never know what the names of Lily's friends were...I'll never get to hook up with Lily!
"This is worse than I thought."
"Come on, Michael, there's more to life than hooking up with pretty girls."
I paused, and then looked at Melinda with sympathetic eyes...then: "NO THERE ISN'T!"
This really sucked. Lily wasn't the first girl to walk up to me and mock me for the rumor. In fact...EVERYBODY was mocking me for the rumor.
"Hey, Mac, fun night with Lizzie?"
"Mac-Attack...more like Mac the Quack!"
"Lizzie and the Mac-Attack Sittin in a Tree!"
"What were you thinking, Mac?"
"What was SHE thinking, Mac?"
"Is it true that her legs feel like a furry animal?"
"How were her lips?"
"Did you lose a bet?"
"Did SHE lose a bet?"
"Mac-Attack?"
"Mac-Attack?"
"Mac-Attack?"
So you can see why I couldn't take it anymore. My reputation was officially ruined...because of a RUMOR.
I had to go to work that day. My job is at TBZ where I answer the phone in my dad's office. It's not very exciting, but my dad pays well.
I was a little late because it was damn-near impossible to get out of the school parking lot with everyone jumping in front of my car asking how I could possibly hook up with Lizzie Wales...EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T!!!
I came into the front office using the back door through the social hall. I clocked in and then sat in my dad's office. On the door of his office, it said: "Rabbi Albert C. Maccabbi: Spiritual Leader". I always felt some sort of comfort level in my father's office, especially in looking at all the pictures of him with me and the rest of my family. It was really a very large room with three or four bookshelves that are ceiling high, mostly books that he'll never read. I even got a big kick out of his picture with his old golf buddies and the sign that they made him that read: "Big Al". It felt like home, and I felt better about my day as I sat in there. Big Al himself walked into the office as I was looking around and waiting for his phone to ring.
"I'm glad you could work today," he said as he closed the door to his office. "You know how crazy it gets this time of year. Passover is just around the corner and I'm expecting a ton of e-mails regarding the congregation seder and what not. It's always nice to have someone else manning the phones."
"Hey, Dad?" I said, almost immediately after he finished talking.
"Yes?"
"I'm thinking about leaving school forever." (I know it sounds really dramatic, but I was really upset).
"Michael, that's really dramatic. Are you upset about something at school?"
"Yeah. There's um...a rumor going around about me right now."
"A rumor? You mean L'Shon H'orah????"
Big Al always cringed at the sight or sound of L'Shon H'Orah.
"I don't know what to do."
"What does this rumor regard?"
"A girl."
"What girl?"
"This really ugly one that I can't remember ever speaking to."
"That's not nice."
"Well, I can certainly get better-looking girls than Lizzie Wales."
"You certainly can," he said, and then after looking around a little bit: "But they've all been whores! One of these days, Michael, I swear you're gonna get an STD and..."
"Dad! The rumor. What should I do?"
"Well, Michael, I was always taught that when you hear L'Shon H'Orah, you should simply just walk away."
"But it's about ME. My reputation at school is ruined."
"You mean all that Mac-Attack mumbo jumbo?"
My dad is a great guy, and is great at giving guidance to his congregants...but as a father giving advice, he's not so great.
The next day wasn't much better, until lunch came around. Ben and Melinda approached me as I ate my tater tots (the lunch lady almost didn't serve me because she didn't want Lizzie's sweat to get in the food!)
"We know who started the rumor, Michael."
"I don't know why it wasn't more obvious before."
"I mean, nobody would ever want to ruin your reputation as bad as this situation did."
"Except for one person."
"Someone that really wanted to ruin you."
They rambled on like this for literally five minutes when I finally jumped in and said:
"Would you CARE to tell me who the hell this person is???"
"Oh, yes, of course."
"Michael, you should probably sit down for this."
"Just tell me who it is!"
"Okay," they said at the same time. "The person is...Carrie Wilcox."
Did that surprise you? That surprised me a lot.
"How did she...why did she...what?"
"Apparently Carrie paid Lizzie 30 bucks to tell everyone that she hooked up with you at a party last weekend."
"But I wasn't AT a party last weekend."
"Exactly. Nobody saw you there, but they DID see Lizzie. They also saw Lizzie walk up to the bedroom and close the door."
"Who told you about this?"
"Lizzie found us after school yesterday and told us all about it. She felt bad...but apparently got a real thrill out of saying she hooked up with you."
I didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.
"Has she confessed to anyone else?"
"No."
"Then I know what I have to do."
After school, everybody was in the front of Deer Valley High heading to the parking lot. I waited over by Carrie Wicox's car, where many other very fine girls always park.
Carrie walked over, very surprised to see me.
"Uh... hi, Mac."
"Carrie."
"Did you park near here today?"
"Not so much, Carrie."
"Then what are you doing here?"
There were people watching now. Everybody at Deer Valley High knew about my history with Carrie. I suddenly saw that Lily girl standing near a red convertable. Wow, she looked hot.
I was starting to lose focus, but then I remembered what I was there for. I reached into my pocket and grabbed my wallet. I pulled out a 20 and a 10.
"Here's 30 reasons why your little plot didn't work. In cash."
"What?"
"Don't act stupid. You gave Lizzie 30 bucks to ruin my reputation. Pretty low of you if you ask me."
She was stunned, so stunned that she didn't even take the money. She just drove away.
I was greeted by applause and a huge mob of people apologizing and telling me how awesome that was.
Then, suddenly: "Mac, hey."
"Lily, what's up?"
"That was really cool...and really hot."
"Really. You don't say."
Now THIS is what the Mac-Attack is all about.
"How do you feel about Cashman Park?"
"I like it at night. I love the stars."
"So do I. They make me think of really naughty things."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, for instance..."
As I stood there listening to Lily whisper really sexy things into my ear, I thought about what Big Al had said to me.
"They've all been whores!"
No, not that!
"When you hear L'Shon H'Orah, you should simply just walk away."
You know, it's a funny thing about walking away. I could've walked away from the rumor situation and let it blow over like it always does at high schools...but if I had walked away, I probably wouldn't have hooked up with Lily later that night under the stars of Cashman Park!!!
Sincerly,
Mac-Attack
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
An Really Bad Date in the Life of the Mac-Attack
I love Saturday nights; it's my favorite part of the week. Mostly because there's nothing better than going to my favorite pizza place, By the Slice, and just kinda chilling. I did this on most Saturday nights, usually with Ben and Melinda. However, this particular Saturday night was gonna be different because I had a date with this real fine girl named Julie Leiner.
Ben and Melinda were kinda bummed when I told them about it on Thursday at school.
"But we go to By the Slice every week. Why can't you go out on Friday night?" Melinda said, obviously forgetting that my father the rabbi would never allow me to go out on a Friday night.
"Do you honestly think that Rabbi Maccabbi would let his son go out on a Friday night? Geez, Melinda."
"Guys," I said, "I haven't really hung out with any girls since I hooked up with Rivka last month. Her and I agreed not to do the long-distance thing, so I might as well be putting myself out there."
"You've hung out with girls. You hang out with ME all the time."
"He means that he hasn't hung out with any girls and DONE anything with them."
"And what are you planning on DOING with Julie?"
"I don't know yet."
"Rumor has it that she hooked up with Drew Garret in December."
"Wow, I'm kinda jealous now."
"Really, I always figured you were more of a Joe Brickard type of girl."
"Well, Joe is really cute too. Didn't Julie hook up with him in October?"
"I think it was over Thanksgiving actually."
"Not that I don't enjoy hearing you guys talk about the hookups of my date on Saturday night, but..."
"Oh, god. I'm sorry, Michael. I'm sure she's great."
"Let's ask Tommy Harrison, they dated for a month Freshman year!"
"Ben!"
"Sorry, Mac. She's just got kind of a reputation."
"So what? I have a reputation, but you guys don't hear people talking about me hooking up with Carrie Wilcox."
"Of course we do. You have a reputation for hooking up with girls...but Carrie has a reputation of being ONE of those girls."
"I rest my case. I'll see you guys later."
The bell rang and I got on with the rest of the day. Friday went by quickly, and then Saturday came. I must say, I suddenly became very nervous. I know I have a reputation, but I began to wonder what Julie had heard about me. I tried not to worry about it as I drove to her house and picked her up.
I pulled up to her driveway and rang her doorbell. She answered the door and she looked hot, wearing a hot pink tank-top, jeans, and flip-flops. Perfect attire for pizza.
"Hi, Julie," I said. "You look great."
"Thanks, Mac," she responded. "So do you."
We got in the car and headed toward By the Slice. There wasn't much dialogue, so I broke the silence by saying:
"So I'm glad we could finally do this."
"Me too. I knew it was only a matter of time before you asked me out."
"You're quite confidant. I like that in a girl."
"Well, I just know how you are with girls."
At that point, I turned left to get into the parking lot of By the Slice. I parked the car and we went into the restaurant. I ordered the usual, a 16 inch pizza with extra cheese. I payed of course, because I'm a gentleman and all.
"Wow, you payed. You're such a gentleman."
"I don't like to let the girl pay for the meal. I hope you don't mind."
"Not at all. I actually heard that you always pay for the meal."
This was the second time she had said something like that. I decided to just blow it off and say:
"Well, 8 bucks an hour at TBZ is a pretty good way to make some money."
"Is that the synagogue you go to?"
"Yeah, my dad is the rabbi there."
"What do you do there?"
"I mostly answer the phone in his office. It's extremely easy, all I have to do is say: "Rabbi Maccabbi's office, this is Michael."
She giggled a little bit.
"You ever get any strange calls?"
"Well, Mrs. Goldstone sometimes calls to thank us for doing such a wonderful job at her son's bar-mitzvah...that happened 30 years ago."
"Sounds like she's senile."
"She is, but she's a nice lady. Most of the old people are pretty cool. They sort of grow on you when you spend so much time at the synagogue."
"Like Mr. and Mrs. Adelberg?"
"You know the Adelbergs?"
Harry and Ruth Adelberg were the nicest elderly couple. In fact, they introduced me to their hot granddaughter Jill.
"I went to summer camp with their granddaughter Jill."
"I met Jill a couple summers ago. She was really cool."
"Yeah, she told me about you."
"Really? What did Jill tell you about me?"
"The same thing that most girls have told me about you."
"And what's that?"
"Nothing really, just that your sort of a...womanizer."
I can't say that I was offended, because she was telling the truth about me. She wasn't even done yet.
"Jill told me that you took her out and threw all sorts of lines at her. Talking about perfect moments and all that as if you were a true romantic."
She laughed a little, because she obviously thought it was funny. I, however, was a little insulted by this.
"I'll have you know that I really liked Jill and we had a ton of fun."
"Oh, don't get me wrong. She told me that it was one of the best dates she ever went on. She even believed most of what you told her about life and love and all that nonsense."
"Nonsense? What nonsense?"
"Well, did you not do the same thing when you hooked up with Rachel Braddock or Emma Varney?"
Now she was letting me have it. But then:
"Don't even get me started on the whole Carrie Wilcox fiasco."
"Okay, Julie. I see what this is. You went out with me tonight so you could remind me of my foolishness in the world of love."
"Foolishness in the world of love? So typical of you."
"What?"
"To take something like your womanizing and making it sound like you really care."
I was a little iritated now.
"I think I'm going to take you home now, Julie. I've had enough pizza for one Saturday night."
I drove her back to her house, and we pulled into the driveway. Before she got out, I needed to say something:
"Listen, Julie. I know you've heard some things, but I'm not a bad guy. I'm actually a really nice guy, and that's probably why I have been able to spend time with the girls that I have. I wish that you could've looked past all that because I think we could've had a lot of fun tonight."
It was silent for a second, and then she kissed me.
"What was that for?"
"That was the best line I've ever heard, and it made me want to kiss you."
"It wasn't a...oh, what the hell."
So we made out, probably for 15 minutes before she got out of the car. Sure, she thought I was a jackass who only cared about hooking up with as many girls as I could. She was wrong about me, and Julie Leiner and I never went out after that night. In fact, I can't remember ever actually talking to her after that night!
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
Ben and Melinda were kinda bummed when I told them about it on Thursday at school.
"But we go to By the Slice every week. Why can't you go out on Friday night?" Melinda said, obviously forgetting that my father the rabbi would never allow me to go out on a Friday night.
"Do you honestly think that Rabbi Maccabbi would let his son go out on a Friday night? Geez, Melinda."
"Guys," I said, "I haven't really hung out with any girls since I hooked up with Rivka last month. Her and I agreed not to do the long-distance thing, so I might as well be putting myself out there."
"You've hung out with girls. You hang out with ME all the time."
"He means that he hasn't hung out with any girls and DONE anything with them."
"And what are you planning on DOING with Julie?"
"I don't know yet."
"Rumor has it that she hooked up with Drew Garret in December."
"Wow, I'm kinda jealous now."
"Really, I always figured you were more of a Joe Brickard type of girl."
"Well, Joe is really cute too. Didn't Julie hook up with him in October?"
"I think it was over Thanksgiving actually."
"Not that I don't enjoy hearing you guys talk about the hookups of my date on Saturday night, but..."
"Oh, god. I'm sorry, Michael. I'm sure she's great."
"Let's ask Tommy Harrison, they dated for a month Freshman year!"
"Ben!"
"Sorry, Mac. She's just got kind of a reputation."
"So what? I have a reputation, but you guys don't hear people talking about me hooking up with Carrie Wilcox."
"Of course we do. You have a reputation for hooking up with girls...but Carrie has a reputation of being ONE of those girls."
"I rest my case. I'll see you guys later."
The bell rang and I got on with the rest of the day. Friday went by quickly, and then Saturday came. I must say, I suddenly became very nervous. I know I have a reputation, but I began to wonder what Julie had heard about me. I tried not to worry about it as I drove to her house and picked her up.
I pulled up to her driveway and rang her doorbell. She answered the door and she looked hot, wearing a hot pink tank-top, jeans, and flip-flops. Perfect attire for pizza.
"Hi, Julie," I said. "You look great."
"Thanks, Mac," she responded. "So do you."
We got in the car and headed toward By the Slice. There wasn't much dialogue, so I broke the silence by saying:
"So I'm glad we could finally do this."
"Me too. I knew it was only a matter of time before you asked me out."
"You're quite confidant. I like that in a girl."
"Well, I just know how you are with girls."
At that point, I turned left to get into the parking lot of By the Slice. I parked the car and we went into the restaurant. I ordered the usual, a 16 inch pizza with extra cheese. I payed of course, because I'm a gentleman and all.
"Wow, you payed. You're such a gentleman."
"I don't like to let the girl pay for the meal. I hope you don't mind."
"Not at all. I actually heard that you always pay for the meal."
This was the second time she had said something like that. I decided to just blow it off and say:
"Well, 8 bucks an hour at TBZ is a pretty good way to make some money."
"Is that the synagogue you go to?"
"Yeah, my dad is the rabbi there."
"What do you do there?"
"I mostly answer the phone in his office. It's extremely easy, all I have to do is say: "Rabbi Maccabbi's office, this is Michael."
She giggled a little bit.
"You ever get any strange calls?"
"Well, Mrs. Goldstone sometimes calls to thank us for doing such a wonderful job at her son's bar-mitzvah...that happened 30 years ago."
"Sounds like she's senile."
"She is, but she's a nice lady. Most of the old people are pretty cool. They sort of grow on you when you spend so much time at the synagogue."
"Like Mr. and Mrs. Adelberg?"
"You know the Adelbergs?"
Harry and Ruth Adelberg were the nicest elderly couple. In fact, they introduced me to their hot granddaughter Jill.
"I went to summer camp with their granddaughter Jill."
"I met Jill a couple summers ago. She was really cool."
"Yeah, she told me about you."
"Really? What did Jill tell you about me?"
"The same thing that most girls have told me about you."
"And what's that?"
"Nothing really, just that your sort of a...womanizer."
I can't say that I was offended, because she was telling the truth about me. She wasn't even done yet.
"Jill told me that you took her out and threw all sorts of lines at her. Talking about perfect moments and all that as if you were a true romantic."
She laughed a little, because she obviously thought it was funny. I, however, was a little insulted by this.
"I'll have you know that I really liked Jill and we had a ton of fun."
"Oh, don't get me wrong. She told me that it was one of the best dates she ever went on. She even believed most of what you told her about life and love and all that nonsense."
"Nonsense? What nonsense?"
"Well, did you not do the same thing when you hooked up with Rachel Braddock or Emma Varney?"
Now she was letting me have it. But then:
"Don't even get me started on the whole Carrie Wilcox fiasco."
"Okay, Julie. I see what this is. You went out with me tonight so you could remind me of my foolishness in the world of love."
"Foolishness in the world of love? So typical of you."
"What?"
"To take something like your womanizing and making it sound like you really care."
I was a little iritated now.
"I think I'm going to take you home now, Julie. I've had enough pizza for one Saturday night."
I drove her back to her house, and we pulled into the driveway. Before she got out, I needed to say something:
"Listen, Julie. I know you've heard some things, but I'm not a bad guy. I'm actually a really nice guy, and that's probably why I have been able to spend time with the girls that I have. I wish that you could've looked past all that because I think we could've had a lot of fun tonight."
It was silent for a second, and then she kissed me.
"What was that for?"
"That was the best line I've ever heard, and it made me want to kiss you."
"It wasn't a...oh, what the hell."
So we made out, probably for 15 minutes before she got out of the car. Sure, she thought I was a jackass who only cared about hooking up with as many girls as I could. She was wrong about me, and Julie Leiner and I never went out after that night. In fact, I can't remember ever actually talking to her after that night!
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
Sunday, April 12, 2009
A Valentines' Day Flashback in the Life of the Mac-Attack
Hearts, candy, flowers galore
These are the things that all girls adore
On a day filled with romance and stuff
Finding a girl will be very tough
So goes my amazing idea for a Valentines' Day card. Cheesy, I know, but in my siuation the poem is completely accurate. February 14 marks one of the most beloved days on most peoples' calenders...on mine, however, it is one of the most infamous.
I was walking to fourth hour when I ran into Ben, yet again being rejected by this girl from our Chemistry class. I can never think of her name...great kisser, though.
"Hey, man. What's goin on?"
"Brianna rejected me again," he told me. (Brianna, that's her name! Good times in the performing arts building).
"You should really set your sights on someone else for once. I mean, there are much better girls at our school."
"But there's just something about her. Maybe her lips."
"Well, her lips are tasty."
"What?"
"What?"
"You need to help me out with this, Mac. I can't be alone on Valentines' Day."
"Ben, Valentines' Day really isn't all it's cracked up to be. Flowers, candy, poetry. Being with someone on this day isn't really that important and--"
Then, as i was talking, my best friend spoke the words: "You've never actually had a Valentines' Day date, have you???"
It was true...actually, it was only technically true. I never physically took a girl out to dinner on Valentines' Day, but I have been with someone special on this day. I promise you all that I was.
It was Freshman year, the year was 2007. Imagine my height being about two inches shorter and my hair being much longer than it is now.
My story starts long before Valentines' Day. It starts around December of 2006, actually. The girl was Carrie Wilcox. You may remember her from a few months back, when I stupidly declined her proposal of a night of passion because, for some reason, I have morals. Well, she and I had been good friends since 8th grade. Back then she had a short, boy-haircut and round glasses. By Freshman year she had let her hair grow out and had lost the glasses to become quite a beauty. I started spending more and more time with her, and some feelings soon developed. BUT, her heart belonged to someone else, a guy who only seemed to reach her height because his hair was huge. Not only was he short, he was a real douchebag too.
Carrie was sneaky. She used to txt me while on dates with this loser to tell me how much she didn't want to be there. I never thought much of it, until I called her one night in February when I was feeling down. She revealed to me that she was on a date with her boyfriend, and I finally spoke the words: Leave him, Carrie. You deserve better.
Speechless, she hung up. We had very normal conversations over the next week or so, and then February 13 happened.
It was after 7th hour, the final class of the day. Her and I always hung out in the hall between 6th and 7th hours, so I knew where her class was. I walked over there and we hugged.
"Carrie, I have to talk to you."
"Mac, I wish we could talk right now but Mark is waiting for me. I have to meet up with him".
She started walking away, when I shouted down the hall:
"Don't."
"What do you mean Don't"
"I mean don't meet up with Mark."
"What?" The whole thing must have blind-sighted her.
"Stay with me for a while, Carrie," I said as I walked toward her. "Come here and kiss me, then tell me you don't feel something too."
"Mac, I..."
"Just one kiss."
It was silent for a second, then Carrie looked to see if anyone was around. Then she walked up to me and kissed me. I thought it would be just a peck, but it soon became intense and passionate, different than any time I had ever kissed someone. We were really making out, and it was so wrong of us to be doing it...but it felt so right.
Then, suddenly: "I really have to go meet Mark. I' m sorry, Mac. I have to go."
And just like that, she was gone.
However, I got a txt from her later that night. The txt read: "I can't deny it, the kiss was really amazing and we need to do it again. Meet me in the F Building during lunch tomorrow."
Did I mention that the next day was Valentines' Day???
So, instead of lifting weights with Ben during lunch (like I usually do on Wednesdays), I was in the F Building getting a different type of workout, the type that invloved my tongue muscles.
This time was more intense because it lasted longer. As an added bonus, I also got a handjob while we were making out...so that was fun. I always say that they don't call it the "F" Building for nothing.
Well, this continued to go on for the next couple days, until I finally said something on that Friday.
"What are we doing, Carrie? Why don't you just leave him?"
Then Carrie spoke the words that made me really feel like an ass.
"I love Mark, and Mark loves me...but you are a REALLY good kisser."
I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I said: "Well, at least I have that."
It was awkward for a minute or two, when I finally said:
"I think you should go downstairs and be with Mark. He's your boyfriend, not me."
Carrie looked at me and we kissed once more. A long, passionate kiss that would stay in my mind for a long time.
"You really are the Mac Attack".
Hearing Carrie say that was even enough to get me through the next few weeks, until her and Mark broke up and I got together with Carrie again.
But that's a story for another time.
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
These are the things that all girls adore
On a day filled with romance and stuff
Finding a girl will be very tough
So goes my amazing idea for a Valentines' Day card. Cheesy, I know, but in my siuation the poem is completely accurate. February 14 marks one of the most beloved days on most peoples' calenders...on mine, however, it is one of the most infamous.
I was walking to fourth hour when I ran into Ben, yet again being rejected by this girl from our Chemistry class. I can never think of her name...great kisser, though.
"Hey, man. What's goin on?"
"Brianna rejected me again," he told me. (Brianna, that's her name! Good times in the performing arts building).
"You should really set your sights on someone else for once. I mean, there are much better girls at our school."
"But there's just something about her. Maybe her lips."
"Well, her lips are tasty."
"What?"
"What?"
"You need to help me out with this, Mac. I can't be alone on Valentines' Day."
"Ben, Valentines' Day really isn't all it's cracked up to be. Flowers, candy, poetry. Being with someone on this day isn't really that important and--"
Then, as i was talking, my best friend spoke the words: "You've never actually had a Valentines' Day date, have you???"
It was true...actually, it was only technically true. I never physically took a girl out to dinner on Valentines' Day, but I have been with someone special on this day. I promise you all that I was.
It was Freshman year, the year was 2007. Imagine my height being about two inches shorter and my hair being much longer than it is now.
My story starts long before Valentines' Day. It starts around December of 2006, actually. The girl was Carrie Wilcox. You may remember her from a few months back, when I stupidly declined her proposal of a night of passion because, for some reason, I have morals. Well, she and I had been good friends since 8th grade. Back then she had a short, boy-haircut and round glasses. By Freshman year she had let her hair grow out and had lost the glasses to become quite a beauty. I started spending more and more time with her, and some feelings soon developed. BUT, her heart belonged to someone else, a guy who only seemed to reach her height because his hair was huge. Not only was he short, he was a real douchebag too.
Carrie was sneaky. She used to txt me while on dates with this loser to tell me how much she didn't want to be there. I never thought much of it, until I called her one night in February when I was feeling down. She revealed to me that she was on a date with her boyfriend, and I finally spoke the words: Leave him, Carrie. You deserve better.
Speechless, she hung up. We had very normal conversations over the next week or so, and then February 13 happened.
It was after 7th hour, the final class of the day. Her and I always hung out in the hall between 6th and 7th hours, so I knew where her class was. I walked over there and we hugged.
"Carrie, I have to talk to you."
"Mac, I wish we could talk right now but Mark is waiting for me. I have to meet up with him".
She started walking away, when I shouted down the hall:
"Don't."
"What do you mean Don't"
"I mean don't meet up with Mark."
"What?" The whole thing must have blind-sighted her.
"Stay with me for a while, Carrie," I said as I walked toward her. "Come here and kiss me, then tell me you don't feel something too."
"Mac, I..."
"Just one kiss."
It was silent for a second, then Carrie looked to see if anyone was around. Then she walked up to me and kissed me. I thought it would be just a peck, but it soon became intense and passionate, different than any time I had ever kissed someone. We were really making out, and it was so wrong of us to be doing it...but it felt so right.
Then, suddenly: "I really have to go meet Mark. I' m sorry, Mac. I have to go."
And just like that, she was gone.
However, I got a txt from her later that night. The txt read: "I can't deny it, the kiss was really amazing and we need to do it again. Meet me in the F Building during lunch tomorrow."
Did I mention that the next day was Valentines' Day???
So, instead of lifting weights with Ben during lunch (like I usually do on Wednesdays), I was in the F Building getting a different type of workout, the type that invloved my tongue muscles.
This time was more intense because it lasted longer. As an added bonus, I also got a handjob while we were making out...so that was fun. I always say that they don't call it the "F" Building for nothing.
Well, this continued to go on for the next couple days, until I finally said something on that Friday.
"What are we doing, Carrie? Why don't you just leave him?"
Then Carrie spoke the words that made me really feel like an ass.
"I love Mark, and Mark loves me...but you are a REALLY good kisser."
I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I said: "Well, at least I have that."
It was awkward for a minute or two, when I finally said:
"I think you should go downstairs and be with Mark. He's your boyfriend, not me."
Carrie looked at me and we kissed once more. A long, passionate kiss that would stay in my mind for a long time.
"You really are the Mac Attack".
Hearing Carrie say that was even enough to get me through the next few weeks, until her and Mark broke up and I got together with Carrie again.
But that's a story for another time.
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
Monday, April 6, 2009
An Old Flame is Rekindled in the Life of the Mac-Attack
The first couple weeks after New Years were very calm. School started up again and everybody went back to their normal routines, including me and Ben.
The good news was that MLK Weekend was coming up, and that meant one thing:
A REGIONAL USY WEEKEND!!!
I was so excited. This particular weekend-long event would take place in the awesome city of Beverly Hills. It's such a cool place; the lights, the people, the girls...yes, the girls.
But there was only one girl on my mind right now. This girl was Dara Karpen, a member of TBZ's USY Chapter. Dara was amazing in almost every possible way, except for her douchebag boyfriend Roy. Yes, my dreamgirl was taken.
But it was okay, because there would be tons of fine girls in BEVERLY HILLS.
Now, one thing about USY weekends is that you always meet new people, even if you think you know everyone there is to know. There's always faces you haven't seen...and girls you haven't hooked up with yet.
Today's story starts on Friday morning. The scene: The airport!
My mom, Shayna, accompanied me and my brother Darren to the airport in Downtown Phoenix, more commonly known as Sky Harbor International Airport. At the airport, we met up with Ben, Aaron Youngston (who had moved to Arizona last year from Boston), Melinda, and her mom Marryl, aka our Youth Director. Dara wasn't there, sadly. It would've been nice to see her beautiful smile.
Shayna and Marryl kvetched for a while, but then it was time to go. My mother said "Goodbye." to Darren, but then told me to stay for a second.
I thought that maybe it would be more of a heart-felt goodbye, but instead, my mother looked at me and said:
"Don't get any STDs, Michael."
Thanks for the advice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The flight went by quickly. I sat by Ben of course, and we talked about many things. Mainly we discussed our procedures in the event that I meet a girl and need a moment alone with her. I always made a point to let Ben know that the same thing would go if he meets a girl...but Ben never really meets girls.
We arrived at LAX at around 3:00 PM. Beverly Hills here we come.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The synagogue in Beverly Hills was amazing. It was called Beth Shalom (we always jokingly called it BS). It was a huge synagogue, with a huge chapter too. I had some friends that went to that synagogue. The first one I saw was Gahl Sinai, who greeted me and Ben with huge hugs. He immediately told me about some girls that were anxious to meet me, and he lead me and Ben down the hall to the Beth Shalom Youth Lounge.
Wow, was he right. I can always trust Gahl's opinions on women!
I was greeted by several: OMG! It's him! It's the Mac-Attack!!!
Suddenly, behind all the screaming girls, I heard a familiar, heart-breaking voice:
"Hi, Mac."
Everybody moved away from her and froze silent, including Gahl and Ben. They all moved out of the way, for they needed to reveal that the voice was none other than Rivka Pasternak. The one that got away.
I suddenly felt uneasy. She looked great.
"Hi, Rivka. How are you?"
"I've been missing you, Mac. You never call."
Did I mention that the room was still silent????
"I, uh, guess I've been busy. I've thought about you a lot."
"I've thought about you too."
Gahl finally broke the silence.
"So, everybody here knows Mac...and I guess you all know Rivka too."
Some of the hotties seemed disappointed, but all of a sudden I didn't care. You know what else...I suddenly started asking myself: "Dara Who?"
"I don't believe everybody knows me, though! I'm Ben."
Nobody seemed too enthusiastic. The tension was still there, but suddenly a good friend of mine walked in, and his presence can break ANY tension.
"SHALOM!!!" and under his breath "I'm starving, where's the food???"
"B! My good friend, B. Oh, it's so good to see my good friend B!" I said, obvious to everyone that I was in a very uncomfortable situation. I suddenly hugged him very tightly.
"It's good to see you too, Mac-Attack and...oh, uh, Rivka." Now B knew why I was uncomfortable. You see, it was at one of B's parties that I first laid eyes on the beautiful Rivka Pasternak. She saved me that evening from my crazy ex, Carrie Wilcox.
Then, suddenly: "I'm Ben!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Before we knew it, the sun had set and it was Shabbat. I love USY Shabbat; it's magical. However, there was something awkward about spending my Shabbat with a girl who had broken my heart without any effort months before. I was definitely surprised when she insisted on sitting next to me, Ben and Gahl during services.
Then, suddenly, the rabbi began to speak. For some reason, he got to the subject of the devotion between a man and his wife. Love and stuff. I felt a hand grip mine. I looked down and it was Rivka's hand. You know what...I gripped back.
There was a weird sensation, being around Rivka again. I suddenly felt like...like maybe I had another shot with her.
But the weekend was just getting started. Friday ended quickly, and it was time to go to our host-homes. Ben and I were with Gahl of course.
The three of us stayed up all night talking about many different things. Sports, movies, but the subject of Rivka came up.
"Don't think we didn't see that huge smile on your face when Rivka held your hand tonight, Mac."
"Yeah, Mac. I haven't seen you that happy in a while, now that I think about it."
"Guys, it's nothing," I assured them. "So she held my hand, I won't get my hopes up. You were both there at Disneyland. You know she's kind of a tease."
"And you're not??"
Which reminded me of this USY Weekend last year when I told this girl from Vegas all about how I felt her and I could really be happy together...then I didn't get her number.
"Okay, guys. Whatever you say."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday came, and the same type of things were happening. The three of us got to synagogue...and Rivka was waiting for me so the could wrap her arms around me and hug me for a long time. It was just a hug; no big deal.
Except as we walked to the sanctuary, we did it hand in hand. It wasn't a big deal; just two people who happen to have somewhat of a history holding hands.
Then, during lunch, I found myself feeding her...it wasn't a big deal. Everyone needs to eat sometimes.
So what if she would casually say to me: "God, Mac, how could I have forgotten how cute you are?"
So what if I would drop in the line: "I missed those eyes."
It wasn't a big deal...was it?
But it was, and it all became clear to me during Havdallah that evening.
As we sang the words of Eliahu Hanavi, she came in real close and whispered in my ear: "I was so wrong over Labor Day Weekend. I shoulda spent the day with you, but I think we need to make up for some lost time tonight."
"That sounds good to me." I whispered back.
Havdallah ended, and Rivka and I were holding each other. I didn't want to let go...even as I saw all these girls walking by us and suddenly frowning. I actually even saw one start crying on Ben's shoulder...btw, he hooked up with her that night.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, the best part of USY Weekends are the dances that they hold on Saturday nights. The music is always really upbeat and awesome. All the girls are usually willing to dance with ANYONE, but tonight I was taken by a beauty from San Diego.
We danced all night, and then we got tired of dancing. We started walking around, hand in hand.
"Rivka," I suddenly said. "This weekend, us being together on this weekend, what do you make of it?"
She stopped and looked at me for a second. She put her arms around me and said: "We have a certain chemistry, Mac. I can't describe it, but you make me feel so...you make me feel so..."
"Beautiful?"
"You make me feel like I'm someone worth loving, and no guy has ever looked at me the way that you do."
"Really? You know, it's funny Rivka."
"What is?"
"You make me feel the same way."
"Then what are you waiting for?"
She was obviously referring to the fact that I hadn't kissed her yet.
"Oh, right. Well, maybe I like a girl to take control." I said smiling.
"Then let me do the honors."
At that point, she moved even closer to me and kissed me. We kissed for a long time, and it was one of the best kisses I'd ever had...actually, it WAS the best kiss I'd ever had.
You know, I don't know what time we started kissing, or even what time we stopped. I can even honestly tell you that I don't recall ever kissing her again after that USY weekend.
It's funny how some things happen when you have a great moment. During this weekend, Rivka and I had many moments and took advantage of every moment. I didn't care that she wasn't going to stick around for a while, the thing I'd been putting so much emphasis on for the last few months.
Nothing else mattered, because during that weekend, the one who got away decided to come back for a little while.
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
The good news was that MLK Weekend was coming up, and that meant one thing:
A REGIONAL USY WEEKEND!!!
I was so excited. This particular weekend-long event would take place in the awesome city of Beverly Hills. It's such a cool place; the lights, the people, the girls...yes, the girls.
But there was only one girl on my mind right now. This girl was Dara Karpen, a member of TBZ's USY Chapter. Dara was amazing in almost every possible way, except for her douchebag boyfriend Roy. Yes, my dreamgirl was taken.
But it was okay, because there would be tons of fine girls in BEVERLY HILLS.
Now, one thing about USY weekends is that you always meet new people, even if you think you know everyone there is to know. There's always faces you haven't seen...and girls you haven't hooked up with yet.
Today's story starts on Friday morning. The scene: The airport!
My mom, Shayna, accompanied me and my brother Darren to the airport in Downtown Phoenix, more commonly known as Sky Harbor International Airport. At the airport, we met up with Ben, Aaron Youngston (who had moved to Arizona last year from Boston), Melinda, and her mom Marryl, aka our Youth Director. Dara wasn't there, sadly. It would've been nice to see her beautiful smile.
Shayna and Marryl kvetched for a while, but then it was time to go. My mother said "Goodbye." to Darren, but then told me to stay for a second.
I thought that maybe it would be more of a heart-felt goodbye, but instead, my mother looked at me and said:
"Don't get any STDs, Michael."
Thanks for the advice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The flight went by quickly. I sat by Ben of course, and we talked about many things. Mainly we discussed our procedures in the event that I meet a girl and need a moment alone with her. I always made a point to let Ben know that the same thing would go if he meets a girl...but Ben never really meets girls.
We arrived at LAX at around 3:00 PM. Beverly Hills here we come.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The synagogue in Beverly Hills was amazing. It was called Beth Shalom (we always jokingly called it BS). It was a huge synagogue, with a huge chapter too. I had some friends that went to that synagogue. The first one I saw was Gahl Sinai, who greeted me and Ben with huge hugs. He immediately told me about some girls that were anxious to meet me, and he lead me and Ben down the hall to the Beth Shalom Youth Lounge.
Wow, was he right. I can always trust Gahl's opinions on women!
I was greeted by several: OMG! It's him! It's the Mac-Attack!!!
Suddenly, behind all the screaming girls, I heard a familiar, heart-breaking voice:
"Hi, Mac."
Everybody moved away from her and froze silent, including Gahl and Ben. They all moved out of the way, for they needed to reveal that the voice was none other than Rivka Pasternak. The one that got away.
I suddenly felt uneasy. She looked great.
"Hi, Rivka. How are you?"
"I've been missing you, Mac. You never call."
Did I mention that the room was still silent????
"I, uh, guess I've been busy. I've thought about you a lot."
"I've thought about you too."
Gahl finally broke the silence.
"So, everybody here knows Mac...and I guess you all know Rivka too."
Some of the hotties seemed disappointed, but all of a sudden I didn't care. You know what else...I suddenly started asking myself: "Dara Who?"
"I don't believe everybody knows me, though! I'm Ben."
Nobody seemed too enthusiastic. The tension was still there, but suddenly a good friend of mine walked in, and his presence can break ANY tension.
"SHALOM!!!" and under his breath "I'm starving, where's the food???"
"B! My good friend, B. Oh, it's so good to see my good friend B!" I said, obvious to everyone that I was in a very uncomfortable situation. I suddenly hugged him very tightly.
"It's good to see you too, Mac-Attack and...oh, uh, Rivka." Now B knew why I was uncomfortable. You see, it was at one of B's parties that I first laid eyes on the beautiful Rivka Pasternak. She saved me that evening from my crazy ex, Carrie Wilcox.
Then, suddenly: "I'm Ben!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Before we knew it, the sun had set and it was Shabbat. I love USY Shabbat; it's magical. However, there was something awkward about spending my Shabbat with a girl who had broken my heart without any effort months before. I was definitely surprised when she insisted on sitting next to me, Ben and Gahl during services.
Then, suddenly, the rabbi began to speak. For some reason, he got to the subject of the devotion between a man and his wife. Love and stuff. I felt a hand grip mine. I looked down and it was Rivka's hand. You know what...I gripped back.
There was a weird sensation, being around Rivka again. I suddenly felt like...like maybe I had another shot with her.
But the weekend was just getting started. Friday ended quickly, and it was time to go to our host-homes. Ben and I were with Gahl of course.
The three of us stayed up all night talking about many different things. Sports, movies, but the subject of Rivka came up.
"Don't think we didn't see that huge smile on your face when Rivka held your hand tonight, Mac."
"Yeah, Mac. I haven't seen you that happy in a while, now that I think about it."
"Guys, it's nothing," I assured them. "So she held my hand, I won't get my hopes up. You were both there at Disneyland. You know she's kind of a tease."
"And you're not??"
Which reminded me of this USY Weekend last year when I told this girl from Vegas all about how I felt her and I could really be happy together...then I didn't get her number.
"Okay, guys. Whatever you say."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday came, and the same type of things were happening. The three of us got to synagogue...and Rivka was waiting for me so the could wrap her arms around me and hug me for a long time. It was just a hug; no big deal.
Except as we walked to the sanctuary, we did it hand in hand. It wasn't a big deal; just two people who happen to have somewhat of a history holding hands.
Then, during lunch, I found myself feeding her...it wasn't a big deal. Everyone needs to eat sometimes.
So what if she would casually say to me: "God, Mac, how could I have forgotten how cute you are?"
So what if I would drop in the line: "I missed those eyes."
It wasn't a big deal...was it?
But it was, and it all became clear to me during Havdallah that evening.
As we sang the words of Eliahu Hanavi, she came in real close and whispered in my ear: "I was so wrong over Labor Day Weekend. I shoulda spent the day with you, but I think we need to make up for some lost time tonight."
"That sounds good to me." I whispered back.
Havdallah ended, and Rivka and I were holding each other. I didn't want to let go...even as I saw all these girls walking by us and suddenly frowning. I actually even saw one start crying on Ben's shoulder...btw, he hooked up with her that night.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, the best part of USY Weekends are the dances that they hold on Saturday nights. The music is always really upbeat and awesome. All the girls are usually willing to dance with ANYONE, but tonight I was taken by a beauty from San Diego.
We danced all night, and then we got tired of dancing. We started walking around, hand in hand.
"Rivka," I suddenly said. "This weekend, us being together on this weekend, what do you make of it?"
She stopped and looked at me for a second. She put her arms around me and said: "We have a certain chemistry, Mac. I can't describe it, but you make me feel so...you make me feel so..."
"Beautiful?"
"You make me feel like I'm someone worth loving, and no guy has ever looked at me the way that you do."
"Really? You know, it's funny Rivka."
"What is?"
"You make me feel the same way."
"Then what are you waiting for?"
She was obviously referring to the fact that I hadn't kissed her yet.
"Oh, right. Well, maybe I like a girl to take control." I said smiling.
"Then let me do the honors."
At that point, she moved even closer to me and kissed me. We kissed for a long time, and it was one of the best kisses I'd ever had...actually, it WAS the best kiss I'd ever had.
You know, I don't know what time we started kissing, or even what time we stopped. I can even honestly tell you that I don't recall ever kissing her again after that USY weekend.
It's funny how some things happen when you have a great moment. During this weekend, Rivka and I had many moments and took advantage of every moment. I didn't care that she wasn't going to stick around for a while, the thing I'd been putting so much emphasis on for the last few months.
Nothing else mattered, because during that weekend, the one who got away decided to come back for a little while.
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
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