"You made out with her and you didn't get her name?" was the only comment Ben made about my latest hook-up with a random girl at my killer New Years' Eve party that I had just thrown the night before.
It was definitely a fair question to ask. He was right; I did make out with a girl at midnight, and I didn't get her name.
"I told you, Ben, it was completely random. She sat down next to me, told me she was friends with B's girl, and..."
But before I could finish, Ben said: "Mac, that's it!"
"What's it?"
"If this girl is a friend of B's girl, then I guarantee that B must know who it was!"
Ben always had a way of being logical about that type of stuff, for instance:
"Do what I always do."
"What's that?"
"Sit at home, jack off and ponder why I'm still single!"
Ok, never mind. He wasn't consistently logical, but he was consistent enough.
"Ben, it's really not that big of a deal."
"Mac, this stuff NEVER happens to you."
Actually, these type of things ALWAYS happen to me, but for the sake of agreement, I just nodded my head at the statement.
"So we go to B's house and we ask him about the mystery girl who is friend's with his girl?"
"Does that sound complicated to you?"
"Aside from the fact that there were tons of girls at my party that we didn't know?"
"Mac, there were lots of girls. But I guarantee B would know who it was that you hooked up with...the guy knows about pretty much EVERY girl you hook up with!"
Ben was right. One thing about B is that, for years, he has been pretty much obsessed with the whole idea of the Mac-Attack and everything about it. He always tried to keep me up to date on who wanted to hook up with me and who I hadn't hooked up with yet. When a new girl came to WCUSY, B was always the first to tell me. However, the strange thing was that he got just as many girls as I did, and he was obesely overweight!
After we had cleaned up the mess in my parents' living room, Ben and I drove down to Tempe, where B lived. It's a cool town; a college town, you know. The synagogue that B goes to, Congregation Am Yisrael, is right near ASU.
Now, B lived in a huge house. I'd been there several times when he would throw parties and stuff, particularly during the summer. We arrived at his huge house around 1:00, just in time to catch him having lunch.
He answered the door and looked surprised.
"Mac, Ben, what are you guys doing here?"
"B, we have a problem."
Ben looked at me strangely.
"Okay. I have a problem."
"Okay, come on in."
His house was very nice on the inside. For the most part, I had only ever spent time in his backyard, where his parties were. He led us to a huge dining room where we saw three plates of fries at B's chair.
To be honest, I wasn't sure why there were two extra plates of fries, but then I remembered that B is a big guy!
"You may wonder why I have two extra plates of fries. Remember, I'm a big guy."
I rest my case.
"So, gentlemen," he said as he scarfed down what seemed like three handfulls in one, "What can I help you with?"
"Well," I said, "At Midnight last night, I found myself making out with a mysterious girl who said she came with you and Jenny. I didn't get the girl's name."
"She was hot." Ben blurted out...but that shouldn't be a surprise for him. All the girls I make out with are hot.
"Do you know who it might have been?"
"Well, Mac, if you recall, Jenny and I were otherwise occupied throughout most of the party."
I remembered; as soon as they got to the party, Jenny was ready to go down on him.
"You know what, let me give Jenny a call and she can give you the details on your midnight girl...JENNY!!!"
I guess he was being literal when he said "call".
Jenny came down the stairs, looking hot as can be wearing a pink top and white booty shorts. It never ceased to amaze me and Ben when it came to the hot girls that B went out with.
"Good morning, sexy." Jenny said as she gave B a kiss.
"Good morning to you too!" Ben said, apparently not realizing who she was referring to as "sexy". I didn't blame him; I can't imagine why ANY girl finds B to be "sexy".
"Oh, hi guys."
At the same time, me and Ben kinda blurted: "Nisehtahsawewgen", roughly translated to mean "Nice to see you again, Jenny."
"Jenny, my boy Mac here needs your help."
About ten seconds later, when I could think straight, I said: "Yes, I need your help."
"I understand completely, Mac. You need my help for the next time you throw a party; B didn't tell me he told you that I do some party-planning."
"IT WAS AN AWESOME PARTY!" I blurted out, causing everyone to look at me strangely.
It reminded me of what my Midnight girl had said to me when we first met:
"How's it going?"
"I'm okay. A little bored, this party is kinda lame."
I thought it was a fun party. Sue me if I didn't have a NACHO CHEESE FOUNTAIN!!!
"Jenny, I need to know about this girl I met last night. She said she came to the party with you and B, and..."
"Oh, you're thinking of Valerie!"
I paused.
"Valerie?"
"Yes, she's one of my best friends. She didn't say anything about meeting you, though."
"Really?"
"Yeah, she just said that she made out with some random guy."
"That's all?"
"She said that whoever threw the party needed a proper party-planner."
I rest my case. NO MORE PARTIES!
"Can I, maybe, have her number?"
"Uh...Mac, you see, Valerie just got out of a relationship. She was with this guy Randy for three months, and she really liked him."
"Oh."
"Plus, she lives in Phoenix. Who would want to date anyone who lives in the city of Phoenix?"
"I live in Phoenix!"
"Jenny, I think this might be a good time for you to step out and let me talk to my friends." B finally jumped in.
"Okay, I'll be waiting in the bedroom."
She went back upstairs.
"Are your parents EVER home?" Ben said after Jenny was upstairs.
B gave my best friend a strange look and then looked at me and calmly said: "Listen, Mac, you probably don't want to get yourself involved with this Valerie girl. I didn't get a good vibe from her."
"You know, you're probably right. I had a lot of fun with her."
"I'm sure you did. She seemed to have had fun too."
"I guess, maybe I thought it could be the start of something."
"Mac, what has gotten into you? It's never been the start of something for you, and you've always been okay with it."
"I said the same thing to him, B."
"Ben, you've never said that to me ever."
"Well, I was thinking it."
We didn't stay much longer. It was around 2:00; we could be back at my house by 2:45, 3:00 depending on traffic. As we rode in Ben's car, we talked about the events of last night, and we suddenly got on the subject of someone I hadn't thought of all day. Dara Karpen, the girl who I had originally intended to kiss at midnight.
"So did you meet her boyfriend?"
"Yeah, he was an ass. His only comment to me was that I needed valet parking on my street."
"You still want her, eh."
"I wasn't even thinking about Dara, Ben. I mean, I guess I thought that if I could get something started with my midnight girl, I would forget about Dara completely."
"Mac, I'm your best friend. You can tell me anything. Why all of a sudden are you only going after one girl? That's not like you."
I looked at my best friend. All I could say really was: "After Rivka Pasternak, I suddenly started noticing that I've hooked up with all these girls, but I can never find one that will stick around for a while. Carrie Wilcox wouldn't even leave her boyfriend to see where things would go with me."
"Yeah, and she had like three of them during that year and a half."
"Four actually."
It was silent for a little bit, until we pulled up to my house. Ben looked at me and said: "You'll get Dara. I'm gonna help ya, because I know that she's the only one that you want."
"Ben, I don't think it's gonna happen."
"Mac, we're gonna make it happen. Leave it to me."
I wasn't sure how to respond to it; I hardly even knew how serious he could've been being. But, for the sake of agreement, I just said: "Okay, Ben."
As I got out of the car and started heading into my house, I suddenly had a lot to think about:
Who was this Valerie girl and what was her story?
What was Ben thinking about doing that could possibly convince Dara to leave her boyfriend for me?
And most importantly:
Was my party really as lame as people were saying?????
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
A New Years Party in the Life of the Mac-Attack
5 4 3 2 1
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
Every year on December 31, billions of people across the world count down those same numbers and scream that exact statement at the exact same time. 11:59:05
New Years Eve has never been my favorite holiday, mostly because it marks the end of the holiday season, which is my overall favorite time of the year...at least, that's what I tell people.
The truth is, New Years Eve is never a lucky night for me. No matter who's party I always go to or which girls are at these parties, the Mac-Attack always ends up alone when the ball drops.
BUT NOT THIS YEAR!
Nothing was going to stop me from kissing a beautiful woman when the ball dropped this year. I refused to be the only one alone for yet another New Years' Eve. My dry-streak would end this year. I could just feel it.
The only problem was...
The only girl I was interested in kissing, Dara Karpen, already had someone ELSE to kiss. The thing is that it wouldn't be the first time I had set my sights on a taken woman. I spent a year and a half of my life chasing Carrie Wilcox, and she consistently had a boyfriend when we would fool around. I tried to think of the way she described how she felt about the whole situation.
"Mac, you're a great guy. Unfortunately, I don't think you and I would be a good couple. Let's just make out!"
I suddenly realized that Carrie probably wasn't a great example.
Suddenly, as I was reflecting the statement from my former flame, I got a call from Ben who seemed to have a mouthfull to say about the situation.
"I can tell you like this one, Mac."
"Yeah, I do. What can I do about it?"
"Do what I do!"
"What's that, Ben?"
"I stay home, jack off, and ponder why I'm still single."
"From the way you just said that, it would seem that there's nothing to ponder!"
"Ok, Mac, but it's better than crying over a girl who already has a boyfriend!"
"Really? Jacking off and pondering why you're still single is better?"
We went on like this for about a minute before I said:
"Ben, I know the perfect solution!"
"Jack off at the same time so we're not alone?"
"What?"
"What?"
"Focus!"
"I'm focused. What's your suggestion?"
"Ok, so my parents are in New York for New Years Weekend. I'll give them a call and get the OK to throw a New Years' Party. Dara will HAVE to come, and her boyfriend WON'T!"
"That's a brilliant idea! Then I can just go in your sister's room and look at her pictures!"
"Yeah...wait, what?"
I called my dad and it was set. He told me as long as we "keep it kosher", then everything would be fine. (My dad loves Jewish humor!)
I started making some phone calls. I called up Brian Berg (aka B) and invited him...and I told him to bring a few girls. Even though he's obesely overweight, the guy's favorite hobby is chasing tail...and getting it.
I called Melinda and she offered to make a cake (Melinda is quite the chef).
I called a bunch of other random people from school and USY. I also told them to bring people with them!
But then I made the most important call. I called the woman who I planned to kiss this year. Dara Karpen.
"Dara, it's Mike Maccabbi."
"Hi, Mac. How are you?"
"I'm good. Listen, there's gonna be a great New Years' Party at my place. You should come."
"Sounds great. Let me just call Ray and I can give him the address."
I was stunned. She was gonna invite her BOYFRIEND!!!!!
I couldn't believe it. I was confused. I was hurt. I was...I needed to respond. It was SILENT!
"Uh, of course. Call Ray; I'm looking forward to meeting the guy."
By the way, I was lying.
"K. Sounds good. I'll see you New Years' Eve."
Wow, what was I to do? I wasn't sure. I guess I couldn't have told her not to invite her boyfriend. I mean, it is New Years' Eve, a time for husbands and wives, as well as boyfriends and girlfriends to...OH GOD, WHAT AM I SAYING?!?!
(note to self: never say something unless you are absolutely 100% truthful when you say it)
______________________________________________________
Well, kiss from Dara or not, New Years came and a BUNCH of people came. There had to have been at least 65 or 70 people there! I was quite pleased about the turn-out.
Ben and Melinda arrived. We all began to talk amongst ourselves when B came up to me.
"My main man Mac-Attack!" he said in his normal, very fat-person-like voice.
"Hi, B." I said completely overly enthusiastically.
A girl came up behind him. Like I've said before, he always dated the finest girls.
"Brian, baby, is there a, uh, bedroom in here?"
I forgot to mention that they are always pretty unintelligent, as I could tell instantly that she was trying to come up with some codeword for "I wanna have sex while we're at this party. Let's find a room."
"Mac, have you met Jenny?"
"I don't think I have. Welcome to the party."
"Thank you...B...ROOM...NOW!"
"Well, if you'll excuse us Mac, I..."
"NOW!"
"Okay, let's go."
Out of all the things I thought I would be cleaning up after the party. There was suddenly a horrible image in my head, but it was suddenly followed by a good one. Actually, the image in my head was a real vision that I had of the goddess Dara walking into my home wearing a beautiful black dress...strapless.
"Hey, Mac!"
"Hi, Dara."
She came over to me and gave me a hug. Suddenly, I saw her very tall, muscular, and overall intimidating boyfriend, Ray, come into the room.
"Wow, parking on this street is a bitch. They really should have valet."
Already, this guy seemed just SUPER.
"Ray, this is Mac. He invited us to the party."
"Hi, I'm Mike Maccabbi. Nice to meet you." I reached my hand out for him to shake it. He just kinda looked at me funny.
"Dara, let's go get some sodas."
"Sounds good. Let's do it."
"Oh, and uh, Jack, thanks for inviting us."
"It's Mac." Unfortunately, as I said it, they were already walking away.
Why is it that girls always choose the biggest jerks to be their boyfriends? I mean, can't they choose guys that are both good-looking AND good guys? I'm BOTH OF THOSE THINGS!!!
A couple weeks before, Dara and I had this moment. It was a strange moment, and went a little something like this:
"I want my pants back!"
"Well, you're not gonna get them!"
Oh, sorry. I really need to stop reflecting on my time with Carrie Wilcox.
The moment actually went like THIS:
"Your girl is real lucky to have someone as sweet as you are. Most guys aren't."
"I guess I come from a rare breed."
"If only it wasn't such a rare breed."
"If only, if only."
What went wrong? A moment like that shoulda given me gold!
___________________________________________________________
Well, it was approximately 11:58. I was sitting on my couch, not even enjoying my own New Years' Blowout. I was already on my third Diet Coke.
Suddenly, this girl sat down on the couch as well. This girl was hot, and I hadn't ever seen her before. I decided it wouldn't hurt to say something.
"How's it going?"
"I'm okay. A little bored, this party is kinda lame."
I pretended not to hear that. It wan't lame. It was an AWESOME PARTY!
"So who are you? I haven't seen you before."
"I came here with my friend Jenny who is here with her boyfriend Brian."
Thank you, B!
"I'm Mike Maccabbi. You can call me Mac."
"Nice to meet you, Mac."
11:59
"Hey, the countdown has begun, I guess."
59 58 57 56 55
"Yeah, it seems like it has. You know, this is the worst part about this holiday."
"It really is. It's like the lonliest time of the year."
42 41 40 39 38 37
"Yeah, no one ever seems to want to kiss me at midnight."
"Yeah, for some reason it's just never happened for me before."
20 19 18 17
"Really?"
"Yeah, never."
"How can that be?"
"I don't know."
8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
And as I heard these words on that fateful midnight, I found myself not saying it...because my mouth was preoccupied in the act of making out with the girl. The thing is, we were making out until even after midnight. We made out probably until 12:02 or 12:03!
Once the chaos stopped, I heard my midnight kisser say to me:
"I've heard things about you."
"Like what?"
She kissed me again.
"I hear you are quite the womanizer."
And she kissed me again.
"Really. You've heard that?"
"I hear that you know how to have fun."
She kissed me once again.
"Apparently, you too know how to have fun."
We were rolling around on the couch for a little bit before she said:
"I really have to go now. Happy New Year. I'll see you around."
She gave me one more long kiss and left. Just like that; no phone number or anything...come to think of it, I didn't even get her name!
How do you explain that? I just had one of the best hook-ups I've ever had...and I didn't even get her name!!! Talk about ironic.
Anyhow, it seems that the party wasn't a bust afterall. Even if Dara was making out with her jerk-boyfriend, at least I got to make out with...uh, what's-her-face!
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
Every year on December 31, billions of people across the world count down those same numbers and scream that exact statement at the exact same time. 11:59:05
New Years Eve has never been my favorite holiday, mostly because it marks the end of the holiday season, which is my overall favorite time of the year...at least, that's what I tell people.
The truth is, New Years Eve is never a lucky night for me. No matter who's party I always go to or which girls are at these parties, the Mac-Attack always ends up alone when the ball drops.
BUT NOT THIS YEAR!
Nothing was going to stop me from kissing a beautiful woman when the ball dropped this year. I refused to be the only one alone for yet another New Years' Eve. My dry-streak would end this year. I could just feel it.
The only problem was...
The only girl I was interested in kissing, Dara Karpen, already had someone ELSE to kiss. The thing is that it wouldn't be the first time I had set my sights on a taken woman. I spent a year and a half of my life chasing Carrie Wilcox, and she consistently had a boyfriend when we would fool around. I tried to think of the way she described how she felt about the whole situation.
"Mac, you're a great guy. Unfortunately, I don't think you and I would be a good couple. Let's just make out!"
I suddenly realized that Carrie probably wasn't a great example.
Suddenly, as I was reflecting the statement from my former flame, I got a call from Ben who seemed to have a mouthfull to say about the situation.
"I can tell you like this one, Mac."
"Yeah, I do. What can I do about it?"
"Do what I do!"
"What's that, Ben?"
"I stay home, jack off, and ponder why I'm still single."
"From the way you just said that, it would seem that there's nothing to ponder!"
"Ok, Mac, but it's better than crying over a girl who already has a boyfriend!"
"Really? Jacking off and pondering why you're still single is better?"
We went on like this for about a minute before I said:
"Ben, I know the perfect solution!"
"Jack off at the same time so we're not alone?"
"What?"
"What?"
"Focus!"
"I'm focused. What's your suggestion?"
"Ok, so my parents are in New York for New Years Weekend. I'll give them a call and get the OK to throw a New Years' Party. Dara will HAVE to come, and her boyfriend WON'T!"
"That's a brilliant idea! Then I can just go in your sister's room and look at her pictures!"
"Yeah...wait, what?"
I called my dad and it was set. He told me as long as we "keep it kosher", then everything would be fine. (My dad loves Jewish humor!)
I started making some phone calls. I called up Brian Berg (aka B) and invited him...and I told him to bring a few girls. Even though he's obesely overweight, the guy's favorite hobby is chasing tail...and getting it.
I called Melinda and she offered to make a cake (Melinda is quite the chef).
I called a bunch of other random people from school and USY. I also told them to bring people with them!
But then I made the most important call. I called the woman who I planned to kiss this year. Dara Karpen.
"Dara, it's Mike Maccabbi."
"Hi, Mac. How are you?"
"I'm good. Listen, there's gonna be a great New Years' Party at my place. You should come."
"Sounds great. Let me just call Ray and I can give him the address."
I was stunned. She was gonna invite her BOYFRIEND!!!!!
I couldn't believe it. I was confused. I was hurt. I was...I needed to respond. It was SILENT!
"Uh, of course. Call Ray; I'm looking forward to meeting the guy."
By the way, I was lying.
"K. Sounds good. I'll see you New Years' Eve."
Wow, what was I to do? I wasn't sure. I guess I couldn't have told her not to invite her boyfriend. I mean, it is New Years' Eve, a time for husbands and wives, as well as boyfriends and girlfriends to...OH GOD, WHAT AM I SAYING?!?!
(note to self: never say something unless you are absolutely 100% truthful when you say it)
______________________________________________________
Well, kiss from Dara or not, New Years came and a BUNCH of people came. There had to have been at least 65 or 70 people there! I was quite pleased about the turn-out.
Ben and Melinda arrived. We all began to talk amongst ourselves when B came up to me.
"My main man Mac-Attack!" he said in his normal, very fat-person-like voice.
"Hi, B." I said completely overly enthusiastically.
A girl came up behind him. Like I've said before, he always dated the finest girls.
"Brian, baby, is there a, uh, bedroom in here?"
I forgot to mention that they are always pretty unintelligent, as I could tell instantly that she was trying to come up with some codeword for "I wanna have sex while we're at this party. Let's find a room."
"Mac, have you met Jenny?"
"I don't think I have. Welcome to the party."
"Thank you...B...ROOM...NOW!"
"Well, if you'll excuse us Mac, I..."
"NOW!"
"Okay, let's go."
Out of all the things I thought I would be cleaning up after the party. There was suddenly a horrible image in my head, but it was suddenly followed by a good one. Actually, the image in my head was a real vision that I had of the goddess Dara walking into my home wearing a beautiful black dress...strapless.
"Hey, Mac!"
"Hi, Dara."
She came over to me and gave me a hug. Suddenly, I saw her very tall, muscular, and overall intimidating boyfriend, Ray, come into the room.
"Wow, parking on this street is a bitch. They really should have valet."
Already, this guy seemed just SUPER.
"Ray, this is Mac. He invited us to the party."
"Hi, I'm Mike Maccabbi. Nice to meet you." I reached my hand out for him to shake it. He just kinda looked at me funny.
"Dara, let's go get some sodas."
"Sounds good. Let's do it."
"Oh, and uh, Jack, thanks for inviting us."
"It's Mac." Unfortunately, as I said it, they were already walking away.
Why is it that girls always choose the biggest jerks to be their boyfriends? I mean, can't they choose guys that are both good-looking AND good guys? I'm BOTH OF THOSE THINGS!!!
A couple weeks before, Dara and I had this moment. It was a strange moment, and went a little something like this:
"I want my pants back!"
"Well, you're not gonna get them!"
Oh, sorry. I really need to stop reflecting on my time with Carrie Wilcox.
The moment actually went like THIS:
"Your girl is real lucky to have someone as sweet as you are. Most guys aren't."
"I guess I come from a rare breed."
"If only it wasn't such a rare breed."
"If only, if only."
What went wrong? A moment like that shoulda given me gold!
___________________________________________________________
Well, it was approximately 11:58. I was sitting on my couch, not even enjoying my own New Years' Blowout. I was already on my third Diet Coke.
Suddenly, this girl sat down on the couch as well. This girl was hot, and I hadn't ever seen her before. I decided it wouldn't hurt to say something.
"How's it going?"
"I'm okay. A little bored, this party is kinda lame."
I pretended not to hear that. It wan't lame. It was an AWESOME PARTY!
"So who are you? I haven't seen you before."
"I came here with my friend Jenny who is here with her boyfriend Brian."
Thank you, B!
"I'm Mike Maccabbi. You can call me Mac."
"Nice to meet you, Mac."
11:59
"Hey, the countdown has begun, I guess."
59 58 57 56 55
"Yeah, it seems like it has. You know, this is the worst part about this holiday."
"It really is. It's like the lonliest time of the year."
42 41 40 39 38 37
"Yeah, no one ever seems to want to kiss me at midnight."
"Yeah, for some reason it's just never happened for me before."
20 19 18 17
"Really?"
"Yeah, never."
"How can that be?"
"I don't know."
8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
And as I heard these words on that fateful midnight, I found myself not saying it...because my mouth was preoccupied in the act of making out with the girl. The thing is, we were making out until even after midnight. We made out probably until 12:02 or 12:03!
Once the chaos stopped, I heard my midnight kisser say to me:
"I've heard things about you."
"Like what?"
She kissed me again.
"I hear you are quite the womanizer."
And she kissed me again.
"Really. You've heard that?"
"I hear that you know how to have fun."
She kissed me once again.
"Apparently, you too know how to have fun."
We were rolling around on the couch for a little bit before she said:
"I really have to go now. Happy New Year. I'll see you around."
She gave me one more long kiss and left. Just like that; no phone number or anything...come to think of it, I didn't even get her name!
How do you explain that? I just had one of the best hook-ups I've ever had...and I didn't even get her name!!! Talk about ironic.
Anyhow, it seems that the party wasn't a bust afterall. Even if Dara was making out with her jerk-boyfriend, at least I got to make out with...uh, what's-her-face!
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
Saturday, March 7, 2009
A Hannukah Miracle in the Life of the Mac-Attack
Hannukah is one of my favorite holidays, and it always has been. Learning about the oil lasting for eight days and about how Judah Maccabbi led a revolt against the evil Greek king is so exciting...and the latkes! Oh the latkes!!!
To me, Hannukah has always been about Maccabbis and miracles. Well, during the time of Hannukah 2008, three miracles happened, and I was the Maccabbi that made them happen.
Let's flashback to my last entry:
On Thursday, I saw Dara for the first time, at school. Then I saw her again at the USY dance that weekend. She had a boyfriend (just like all the good ones).
Well, it turns out that she joined our chapter at Temple Beth Zion. I officially met her at the first lounge of the month. She's really cool, smart, funny, and beautiful. She has a great smile, her hair flows in the wind, and she...
"MAC!"
What a convenient time for me to hear the voice of Ben.
"What's up, Ben?" I asked him.
"You know what's up, Mac," he said. "The USY Hannukah Gift Exchange is this weekend and you want Dara to get your gift."
I stared blankly. "How did you...who do you...how does that..."
Then I remembered that he and I have been best friends since sixth grade. If anyone can see through me, it's Ben.
"What am I going to do, Ben? I really want her to get my gift."
I showed Ben the gift. It was one of those slogan bracelets that said: All You Need is Dove.
"Isn't that a slogan for some soap?"
"I thought it was a really cool slogan!"
I suddenly realized how lame I am (wait, I didn't say that!)
"Well, Mac, I guess...nothing says I love you like a catchy slogan advertising the best bar of soap money can buy."
"Is it really that bad?"
"Mac, this girl ALREADY has a boyfriend. You're gonna need to step it up. What did you do to get Carrie Wilcox to kiss you?"
"She suggested that we kiss, and I agreed."
"Okay, well...wait, it was her idea??? Wow, I can't believe you turned down that pussy."
"There's people around!!!"
************************************************************************************
Saturday night came, and I still hadn't found a gift that was better than the bracelet. Curse you, Ten Dollar Spending Limit!
My brother Darrin and I got to the Youth Center right on time for the event. I sat over by Ben and Melinda. Suddenly, Dara walked into the room and all the lights seemed to point at her.
"You wanna put your jaw back in place?" I heard Melinda say to me.
I was brought back to reality.
On this night, Dara was even more giddy and cheerful than usual. Her boyfriend probably got her something expensive, like a real bracelet instead of this stupid Dove one!
We started the gift exchange, and it was epic. The format: The gifts continuously get thrown around until our youth director [and Melinda's mom] Maryll blows her whistle. Whatever gift everyone ends up with is the one they keep.
Darrin's gift went to Melinda, Melinda traded it with Aaron for Dara's gift. Dara got Ben's gift and traded it for Melinda's gift, then she traded Melinda's gift for Aaron's gift. I started off with Ben's gift, traded it for Dara's gift, and then suddenly ended up with my own gift again. I traded it with Darrin for Melinda's gift. Suddenly, it happened: Dara traded Aaron's gift for...my gift! I saw That whistle enter Maryll's mouth, but just as she blew the whistle, I saw two things get traded: Ben's gift (which was a glow-in-the-dark pen, by the way) and...the Dove bracelet?! No!
I jumped up and intercepted the Dove bracelet and knocked it down. It was awesome, I felt like a movie hero...until I realized everyone was looking at me like I was some sort of buffoon...more than usual, anyway.
"Uh...the Dove bracelet has become a part of me now and I want to keep it."
Everyone continued to stare.
"Don't judge me!"
But they were judging.
At this point, I figured I should just go with the truth...or at least some version of it.
"It was for someone special. She isn't here tonight, so I'll need to give it to her another time."
My friends continued to stare, and then I saw Melinda. She always could see right through me.
"If it means that much to you, then keep it." When I heard Melinda say this, I realized that she understood how much I wanted Dara to have the lame bracelet.
"I will," I said.
After about ten minutes, I decided to leave. I figured I would go home and stare at the bracelet...or jack off. Whichever came first.
"Melinda," I said. "Can you give Darrin a ride home? I'm gonna leave a little early."
"Yeah, I can do that," she said. Then she got real close and said: "You're a great guy, Michael. Some day she'll see that you are more than just the Mac-Attack."
Of course she would have to bring that into this. Melinda is my only friend who refuses to call me Mac-Attack.
But as I walked out of the youth center, I began to think. Some people have this idea in their heads that I have my life all figured out. They say: He's the Mac-Attack; he doesn't have a care in the world. Gets all the girls he wants, has all the friends he can have, and the life that everybody envies.
I won't lie: for the most part, everything that people think about me is probably true. I do get the girls I want and I do have a lot of friends. But the question of the hour, and the one I've been asking since Rivka Pasternak: As many girls as I have gotten, when am I going to find one that will stick around for a while?
Suddenly, as I was about to get into my car, I saw something walking toward me. It was someone actually. It was Dara.
"I really liked the bracelet. That girl who you got it for must be pretty special."
"Yeah," I said. "She's really great."
"Your girl is real lucky to have someone as sweet as you are. Most guys aren't."
Half-jokingly I said: "I guess I come from a rare breed."
"If only it wasn't such a rare breed," she said, suddenly quietly.
"If only, if only."
I wanted to give her the bracelet. I wanted to so badly, but I couldn't. Dara Karpen had someone already. Someone who probably did care about her.
So, after a moment of silence, I said: Well, I'm gonna go now. But I'll see you at the next event."
"Sounds good. I'll see you then."
On that note, I got into my car and drove home.
************************************************************************************
Earlier I said that there were three miracles:
Dara and I suddenly developed a connection on this night.
I was able to recognize that it wasn't my time to make a move.
I was able to answer my question: The reason that the girls didn't stick around was that, in the past, I hadn't built a bridge before making an attempt to drive to the island. I always got ahead of myself, and on this night, I was able to slow things down.
So perhaps something will come of my brief encounter with Dara.
Until then, I'll just have to play the waiting game.
I just hope I won't have to wait TOO long!
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
To me, Hannukah has always been about Maccabbis and miracles. Well, during the time of Hannukah 2008, three miracles happened, and I was the Maccabbi that made them happen.
Let's flashback to my last entry:
On Thursday, I saw Dara for the first time, at school. Then I saw her again at the USY dance that weekend. She had a boyfriend (just like all the good ones).
Well, it turns out that she joined our chapter at Temple Beth Zion. I officially met her at the first lounge of the month. She's really cool, smart, funny, and beautiful. She has a great smile, her hair flows in the wind, and she...
"MAC!"
What a convenient time for me to hear the voice of Ben.
"What's up, Ben?" I asked him.
"You know what's up, Mac," he said. "The USY Hannukah Gift Exchange is this weekend and you want Dara to get your gift."
I stared blankly. "How did you...who do you...how does that..."
Then I remembered that he and I have been best friends since sixth grade. If anyone can see through me, it's Ben.
"What am I going to do, Ben? I really want her to get my gift."
I showed Ben the gift. It was one of those slogan bracelets that said: All You Need is Dove.
"Isn't that a slogan for some soap?"
"I thought it was a really cool slogan!"
I suddenly realized how lame I am (wait, I didn't say that!)
"Well, Mac, I guess...nothing says I love you like a catchy slogan advertising the best bar of soap money can buy."
"Is it really that bad?"
"Mac, this girl ALREADY has a boyfriend. You're gonna need to step it up. What did you do to get Carrie Wilcox to kiss you?"
"She suggested that we kiss, and I agreed."
"Okay, well...wait, it was her idea??? Wow, I can't believe you turned down that pussy."
"There's people around!!!"
************************************************************************************
Saturday night came, and I still hadn't found a gift that was better than the bracelet. Curse you, Ten Dollar Spending Limit!
My brother Darrin and I got to the Youth Center right on time for the event. I sat over by Ben and Melinda. Suddenly, Dara walked into the room and all the lights seemed to point at her.
"You wanna put your jaw back in place?" I heard Melinda say to me.
I was brought back to reality.
On this night, Dara was even more giddy and cheerful than usual. Her boyfriend probably got her something expensive, like a real bracelet instead of this stupid Dove one!
We started the gift exchange, and it was epic. The format: The gifts continuously get thrown around until our youth director [and Melinda's mom] Maryll blows her whistle. Whatever gift everyone ends up with is the one they keep.
Darrin's gift went to Melinda, Melinda traded it with Aaron for Dara's gift. Dara got Ben's gift and traded it for Melinda's gift, then she traded Melinda's gift for Aaron's gift. I started off with Ben's gift, traded it for Dara's gift, and then suddenly ended up with my own gift again. I traded it with Darrin for Melinda's gift. Suddenly, it happened: Dara traded Aaron's gift for...my gift! I saw That whistle enter Maryll's mouth, but just as she blew the whistle, I saw two things get traded: Ben's gift (which was a glow-in-the-dark pen, by the way) and...the Dove bracelet?! No!
I jumped up and intercepted the Dove bracelet and knocked it down. It was awesome, I felt like a movie hero...until I realized everyone was looking at me like I was some sort of buffoon...more than usual, anyway.
"Uh...the Dove bracelet has become a part of me now and I want to keep it."
Everyone continued to stare.
"Don't judge me!"
But they were judging.
At this point, I figured I should just go with the truth...or at least some version of it.
"It was for someone special. She isn't here tonight, so I'll need to give it to her another time."
My friends continued to stare, and then I saw Melinda. She always could see right through me.
"If it means that much to you, then keep it." When I heard Melinda say this, I realized that she understood how much I wanted Dara to have the lame bracelet.
"I will," I said.
After about ten minutes, I decided to leave. I figured I would go home and stare at the bracelet...or jack off. Whichever came first.
"Melinda," I said. "Can you give Darrin a ride home? I'm gonna leave a little early."
"Yeah, I can do that," she said. Then she got real close and said: "You're a great guy, Michael. Some day she'll see that you are more than just the Mac-Attack."
Of course she would have to bring that into this. Melinda is my only friend who refuses to call me Mac-Attack.
But as I walked out of the youth center, I began to think. Some people have this idea in their heads that I have my life all figured out. They say: He's the Mac-Attack; he doesn't have a care in the world. Gets all the girls he wants, has all the friends he can have, and the life that everybody envies.
I won't lie: for the most part, everything that people think about me is probably true. I do get the girls I want and I do have a lot of friends. But the question of the hour, and the one I've been asking since Rivka Pasternak: As many girls as I have gotten, when am I going to find one that will stick around for a while?
Suddenly, as I was about to get into my car, I saw something walking toward me. It was someone actually. It was Dara.
"I really liked the bracelet. That girl who you got it for must be pretty special."
"Yeah," I said. "She's really great."
"Your girl is real lucky to have someone as sweet as you are. Most guys aren't."
Half-jokingly I said: "I guess I come from a rare breed."
"If only it wasn't such a rare breed," she said, suddenly quietly.
"If only, if only."
I wanted to give her the bracelet. I wanted to so badly, but I couldn't. Dara Karpen had someone already. Someone who probably did care about her.
So, after a moment of silence, I said: Well, I'm gonna go now. But I'll see you at the next event."
"Sounds good. I'll see you then."
On that note, I got into my car and drove home.
************************************************************************************
Earlier I said that there were three miracles:
Dara and I suddenly developed a connection on this night.
I was able to recognize that it wasn't my time to make a move.
I was able to answer my question: The reason that the girls didn't stick around was that, in the past, I hadn't built a bridge before making an attempt to drive to the island. I always got ahead of myself, and on this night, I was able to slow things down.
So perhaps something will come of my brief encounter with Dara.
Until then, I'll just have to play the waiting game.
I just hope I won't have to wait TOO long!
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
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