An Apology in the Life of the Mac-Attack

"L'Shana Tova, Michael!"

Mark Eisenberg, my future brother-in-law, was particularly giddy this year on Rosh Hashana.

"Uh, thanks. You too."

I, on the other hand, was far from giddy.

"Wanna hear something crazy? In just one month, you and I are going to be brothers!!!"

Mark can be a little overwhelming at times. I guess whoever said that opposites attract was wrong because my sister Tara is far from the opposite.

"Yay." I said unenthusiastically.

Mark immediately realized something was wrong.

"Is something wrong, Michael?"
"Aside from the fact that my best friend is mad at me and the fact that the woman I love doesn't know what she wants from me, everything is fine."

Mark gave me a blank look. It was then that I realized that I hadn't vented about my situation to anyone, let alone my brown-nosing future brother-in-law.

"Well, it seems you are in quite a predicament," Mark said after a long pause.
"That's a phrase to describe it."
"You wanna tell me the whole story so I'm not standing here guessing?"

Did I want to tell the whole story? Not really. However, maybe talking about it would help.

"I don't know if you wanna hear it, Mark. It's a long story."
"Try me. I've got plenty of time."

Mark smiled, so I began.

"Remember the day where my dad had the heart attack?"
"Yes."
"Well, after I left the hospital, I went to Melinda's house and we--well, you know."
"Your first time?"
"Not even close."
"Uh, okay. Continue."
"Well, I love Melinda and I've loved her for a while. Allegedly, she's loved me since we were little kids at Temple Beth Zion Preschool, but she never told me until the end of last year."
"I never heard about this."
"Story for another time."
"Got it."
"Anyway, Melinda and I had been--well, you know--for a while. Since the day of my dad's heart attack. During this period of time, I was asked by her to not tell anyone, including my best friend Ben. It broke my heart to have to lie to him, but at the same time, I was--well, you know--with a girl who I loved. Well, last week, at a USY Lounge, I ended things with Melinda and in the process, Ben overheard the conversation and realized I'd been lying to him. Now I think I may have lost my best friend due to a stupid mistake."

It felt kinda good to be talking about this with someone. I hadn't really ever had anyone in my family whom with I could talk about this stuff without being judged. Mark didn't seem to be judging me at all; he just listened.

"I wanna ask you something."
"Okay."
"Do you regret sleeping with Melinda?"

I thought for a moment.

"In the grand scheme of things--no, I don't regret it."
"Then how was it a mistake?"

That was a good question. I wondered if it was still a mistake if I didn't regret it. I knew it was wrong to have slept with Melinda and lie to Ben about it.

"Mark, I don't quite understand."
"You see, Michael, it was definitely a mistake to lie to your best friend. However, the act of having sex with Melinda doesn't seem to have been a bad thing."

What Mark was saying made a lot of sense to me.

"At shul yesterday, your dad was talking about the Days of Awe. My advice, for what it's worth, is to apologize to Ben and patch things up with Melinda. If you two really love each other, maybe you should be together."

I liked the sound of what he said.

"You know, Mark--you're not really as stupid as you look."

Mark laughed.

"What are brothers for?"

I thanked Mark for the advice and then decided that I would give Ben a call.

602 555 3133

"Hi. You've reached Ben. I can't come to the phone right now so please leave a message after the beep."

Okay, I'll leave a message.

"Ben, it's me. I have to talk to you. Please call. It's important."

After several hours, I hadn't recieved any calls from Ben. I spent a good portion of that day just sitting in my room with my phone in my hand. It didn't ring and I didn't use it. I just held it as I waited for my best friend to call.

By the time I went to sleep, Ben still hadn't called me back.

I found Melinda at school the next day and I was able to catch her attention before the bell rang.

"I need to talk to you."
"And I have to talk to you."
"Is it for the same reason?"
"I think so."

There was a pause.

"Is Ben talking to you?"
"No. I called him yesterday and he hasn't called me back."
"He's not talking to me either."

There was another pause.

"We shouldn't have lied to him, Melinda."
"I know. I was so stupid."
"Not as stupid as I was."
"We shouldn't argue about this, Michael. We were equally stupid. Let's leave it at that."
"Well, now that we've established that we were stupid, what do we do now?"
"I think we have to talk to Ben. We have to do it together."

The next day, Melinda and I drove over to Ben's house. His parents let us in, obviously ingnorant to the fact that Ben was mad at us.

"Oh, Benjamin will be so thrilled to see the both of you!"

Mrs. Sheiner was what one would call the stereotypical Jewish mother.

"Can I get you anything to eat?"
"I'm not really hungry."
"Neither am I."
"Well, if you insist, I'll get a fresh batch of cookies going."
"Um, thanks."

Suddenly, there was a big burst of sound.

"BENJAMIN! MICHAEL AND MELINDA ARE HERE TO SEE YOU!!!"

Ben peeked his head out his bedroom door.

"I'm not here right now."

Then, realizing we could hear him, he came downstairs and stood in front of us.

"Well, if it isn't Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Here to tell me that you two had no sexual relations?"
"No, Ben. We're here to tell you that we did."

Melinda hit me.

"We're here to apologize for lying to you. It wasn't Michael's idea; it was mine. I'm so sorry, Ben."
"And I'm sorry too. It nearly killed me to lie to you, Ben. I promise I'll never lie to you again."

We waited patiently for his response.

Finally: "When did this start?"
"The first day of school, the day my dad had his heart attack."

There was another long silence before Ben spoke again.

"Why couldn't you guys tell me? I would've been thrilled for the two of you."

Before I could answer, Melinda answered for me.

"We didn't tell you because there was nothing to tell."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the sound of the glass that is my heart being shattered into a million pieces.

"So you guys were just having sex? You're not going out?"
"Well, it would appear that way, Ben."

Ben could tell that I was hurt by what Melinda had said. He looked sort of sympathetic.

"Well, I suppose if that's all it was, it was never really my business."
"But it was wrong of us to lie," I said before looking at Melinda. "It would seem that it was hardly worth it."

There was an awkward silence.

"Are we cool?"
"I can't stay mad at my best friends forever."

The three of us hugged. It was about 15 minutes before Melinda drove me back to my house.

"I'm glad we got that all squared away."
"Yeah, Ben isn't mad at us anymore."

There was a pause.

"So we're good, right?"

I thought for a minute before finally saying what I'd wanted to say since we were at Ben's house.

"No, Melinda. We're not."

She looked at me in disbelief.

"You made it obvious today that what we had meant virtually nothing to you."
"Michael, I--"
"I can't keep doing this with you, Melinda. It became clear to me tonight that there will never really be anything between us. Apparently, there was never anything between us anything."
"You know that isn't true, Michael."
"Oh yeah? Then why couldn't you tell that to Ben?"
"Because it was just sex. It was really incredible sex. I thought that was enough for you."
"It was, Melinda. It was."

I unbuckled my seatbelt.

"But it's not enough anymore. Goodbye, Melinda."

I got out of the car and walked into my house with tears in my eyes, knowing that I did what I had to do. You see, love does strange things to a man. It's the one thing that can be complicated, incredible, agonizing, beautiful, stressful, and wonderful all at the same time.

But alas, if only love were as simple as those six descriptions.

Sincerely,
Mac-Attack