How to Win the Girl in the Life of the Mac-Attack

"I'm still in love with you, Melinda."

I waited for a response from her.

"What?"

It wasn't the response I expected, although I didn't really know what type of response I was expecting. I wasn't sure how she would react, and frankly I didn't know what it would accomplish. Still, I felt it was worth a shot.

"I'm still in love with you."

Melinda looked shocked, and I didn't blame her. It was a lot to digest.

"Are you sure about this, Michael?"
"I'm more sure about this than I've ever been about anything. I still love you as much as I did when we first got together. Hell, I may even love you more."

She looked unconvinced.

"It's always been you, Melinda. No girl has ever given me that feeling that you give me. I loved being with you more than I've ever loved anything. Being with you was the best thing that ever happened to me, and it took me losing you to realize how much I need you."

Now she looked convinced, but had sorrow in her eyes.

"How long have you known?"
"I think I've always known, Melinda. But with the whole Brittany Zieglar thing, along with that thing with Dara, I had my head up my ass. But today, when I went to Dara's house to see if she wanted to get back together, I was relieved when it became apparent that she wasn't interested. The first person I wanted to see was you because I really wanna get back together with you, not her."

It was silent as she tried to take everything in. In a very short time, I gave her an entire revelation. It can get a little messy with all those emotions flying around.

"Michael, I...I need you to leave."
"What?"
"This can't happen. You broke up with me. I moved on and now I'm with Aaron. I love him and we're happy."
"You can't honestly tell me that you're completely over me, Melinda. I know you too well."
"Please go, Michael."
"Not until you look into my eyes and tell me you don't love me anymore."

She looked into my eyes, with tears in her's. She said nothing.

"See, you can't do it."
"I just want you to go."
"Why, Melinda? Why do you want me to go? You gonna call your boyfriend and keep pretending that there's nothing here? Well, I love you, and I know you love me too. I'm not giving up this time, because I lost you once. I won't lose you again."

I started walking toward the door.

"Michael!"

I turned around.

"I'm not your's to lose."

I turned around, carrying my heavy heart. With every step I took, my heart became heavier. Eventually, my heart slipped out of my hands and broke. As I picked up the peices, I was determined to put it back together. However, a big peice of the heart was missing, and that was the part that belonged to Melinda. The only way my heart could be full was if Melinda gave me a peice of her heart. So as I got into my car and drove away from her house, I was more determined than ever to win that peice of her heart back.

"Dude, you really need to make up your mind."

Ben was only reminding me of my consistent inconsistency when it came to the women in my life.

"I mean, you loved Melinda, then you dumped her. Then you were all hell-bent on Brittany, and that didn't work out. Just the other day, you were fucking Dara. Now you want Melinda back."
"See, you make it sound worse than it actually is."
"Come on, Mac, you've always been like this."
"Been like what?"
"Like a guy who doesn't know what he wants."
"Well, I know what I want now."
"Okay. What are you gonna want tomorrow?"
"I'll want what I want now."
"Are you really sure about that?"
"Yes. I want Melinda back."
"What happens in August when you move to Gainseville?"
"Can't I cross that bridge when I get there?"
"That's the type of attitude you wanted to avoid. That's why you broke up with her in the first place."
"And it was stupid of me to break up with her."
"Probably, but she's with Aaron now. I somehow don't think that he wants to lose her any more than you do."
"Well, she's with the wrong guy."
"That may be so, but what makes you the better guy?"
"I care about her way more than that Massachussetts motherfucker ever did."
"Can you prove it?"
"I don't know. Maybe."
"Well, if you want Melinda back, you're gonna have to prove it to her."
"Can you help me?"
"What type of best friend would I be if I didn't?"
"A shitty one?"
"And am I a shitty best friend?"
"Not at all. You're the best, dude."
"It's what I'm here for. Now, if we're gonna pull this off, we're gonna need some advice from some experts."
"What types of experts?"

The two experts Ben had in mind were my gay brother JT and his boyfriend Josh.

"Thank you for seeing us today, gentlemen."
"No problemo. We just love making romance happen, don't we?"
"A hell to the yes."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we just get this over with?"
"Over with?"
"You expect us to help you if you just wanna get it over with? Monseiuor, we don't just get things over with. This isn't a random hook-up. It's love."
"You tell him, baby."

Let it go on the record that I'm not a homophobe. However, I would be lying if I said I was comfortable watching my younger brother being caressed by a dude.

"Um, okay."
"Gentlemen, what my friend needs is advice on the woman he is hoping to win."
"Well, we certainly do know a lot about women."

They practically were women.

"Okay, well, every woman likes to be swept off her feet. Does her current boy toy sweep her off her feet?"
"I don't know. I try not to think about their relationship."
"Oh no, you must think about their relationship."
"Why?"
"Well, how do you know that you're better than the other man?"
"I just know."
"You need to know for sure, Mac-Attack. You need to figure out what you have that he doesn't have."

I thought for a minute.

"I have a long, drawn-out history with her."
"Aaron has a history with her as well."
"It's not the same."
"How is it not the same?"
"Because her and I were best friends. They just happened to hook up at a USY event. That's not the same as being best friends with someone your entire life. Hell, the only reason she even got with him is because she was mad at me."

And just like that, I finally had a breakthrough.

"That's it!"
"What's it?"
"What her and Aaron have is nothing compared to what her and I had. I mean, we've known each other our entire lives. She knows me better than I know myself! I just need her to see that."
"Exactly. Michael, it looks like you're ready."
"Thank you for all your help, gays...uh, I mean, guys."
"You are most welcome!"

Ben and I left and began discussing Phase 2.

"What next?"
"You tell me."
"I'm wondering if I should go to Melinda's and tell her about my breakthrough."
"NO!"
"No?"
"Absolutely not."
"Then what do I do?"
"You go home, you go to sleep, and then you wait."
"Wait for what?"
"You wait for an opportune moment."
"How do I know when there will be an opportune moment?"
"You'll just know."

I didn't know when the opportune moment was, but Ben did. When Ben got home, he started devising the plan, but he asked for some outside help once again, this time, via Skype.

"Ben! I'm so glad to see you!"
"Hi, Sam."
"What time is it there?"
"3 AM."
"Oh, wow. This must be important if you're up so late."
"Well, I figured this would be a good time to catch you. I need to help Mac."
"What's wrong with Mac? Is he okay?"
"He's in love, so no, he's not okay."
"Okay, what can I do to help?"
"Well, it's Melinda. She's with Aaron right now, and Mac needs to make some sort of gesture that proves his worth to her."
"Any leads yet?"
"Actually, yes. I had this idea for Mac to go over the school PA System and profess his love to Melinda. Then, after class is over, he can give her a rose and ask her to prom."
"Wow. You really thought this through. How did you come up with it?"
"Well, that's kinda how I was gonna ask you to prom."
"Aww! Ben, I miss you so much."
"I miss you too, Sam. I hope we can talk soon."
"Definitely, Ben. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Sam."

There was still one flaw in Ben's plan; Melinda was still with Aaron, and she wasn't planning on leaving him.

"So now that we have the perfect gesture, what are we gonna do about her boyfriend?"
"I guess I didn't think about that."
"How can my opportune moment be an opportune moment if she's still taken?"
"That's a good question."

The bell rang.

"I say you do it."
"But I'll get rejected and look like an idiot in front of the entire student body of Deer Valley High."
"Since when do you care what people think?"
"Um, have you met me?"
"Okay, okay. So you're thinking about what happens if she says 'No'. But what about if she says 'Yes'? There is a chance of that happening."
"Do you really think so?"
"Absolutely. If you want a romantic gesture, you've got the perfect one right now."

I looked around and then nodded my head.

"I'll do it!"
"Damn right you'll do it!"

I walked to the Principal's office and got the OK from our Vice Principal Mrs. Cropp.

"That sounds like fun! I'll put you on the speaker right now!"
"Thanks!"

I went over the intercom system and began speaking the words from the deepest part of my soul.

"Attention, students, I'd like to make an announcement. I'd like to announce that I am completely and desperately in love with Melinda Moskowitz. Melinda, you know me better than I know myself, and I know you take pride in how well you know me. I also know that you must feel something for me. You're the only girl for me, Melinda, and I know that I'm the right guy for you. I love you, Melinda. Will you go to prom with me?"

That was the end of my announcement to the entire student body of Deer Valley High.

After the bell rang, Melinda approached me.

"So, what did you think?"

She slapped me.

"What the hell was that, Michael?"
"A romantic gesture that proves how I feel to you."
"Are you insane?"
"Very much so."
"Well, the answer is 'No'. I won't go to prom with you."

She began to walk away.

"Then answer me this, Melinda: would Aaron ever do something like this? Would Aaron make an ass out of himself just to prove how much he cares? I don't think he would."

She stopped for a second, but continued walking away. I spent the rest of the day feeling
embarrassed about putting myself out there like that. I wondered if it was worth the pain I was feeling.

I stayed home from school the next day. I spent the day reflecting on everything and regretting that fateful night in early January when I broke up with Melinda. I then thought of the first time Aaron and Melinda hooked up. It was I who had led Melinda into Aaron's arms last year, and in essence, I had led her back to him by breaking up with her. If I hadn't broken up with her, we would've still been together and I wouldn't be feeling the way I was feeling at that moment.

Around 4:00 PM, I headed to the synagogue to work for a couple hours. My dad wasn't in the office that day, so my only responsibility was to take down messages for him and leave them on his desk. After I had been working for about an hour, I got a call that took me by surprise.

"Rabbi Maccabbi's office, Michael speaking."
"Hi."

Are you as shocked as I was when I heard her voice?

"Hi. What's up?"
"I went to your house, but you weren't there. I need to talk to you in person."
"Okay. Well, I'll be here for a while. I have the office to myself if you wanna come and talk."
"Okay. See you in 15?"
"Sure."

15 minutes later, she was standing in the doorway of the office.

"Hi."
"Hi."
"You wanted to talk. Let's talk."

She closed the door and sat down.

"I shouldn't have slapped you yesterday."
"Oh, that's what this is about. Well, I was okay. It didn't hurt that much."
"My hand-print covered the entire left side of your face."
"Yes. Yes it did."
"So I wanted to apologize."
"Eh, that's okay. Don't worry about it."

It was awkward at best. I somehow felt like she had more to say, but I wasn't sure.

"Is there more?"
"Yes. I thought about what you said, about Aaron not making big romantic gestures."

She explained to me that she went to Aaron's house the night before to talk about what I had said to her.

"Aaron, would you ever make a complete ass out of yourself just to show how much you cared?"
"Baby, you already know how much I care. Why would I need to make an ass out of myself?"

Needless to say, it wasn't the response she hoped for.

"It wasn't the response I hoped for."
"I can't imagine that it would be."
"So I ended things with him. He wasn't the right guy for me?"
"How tragic."
"I'm okay, though."
"That's good."

It was quiet. I finally spoke up.

"So you're done with Aaron now. Where does that leave us?"
"What do you think?"
"I think the ball is pretty much in your court now, Melinda."

She got up and stepped closer to me.

"Remind me, Michael, what was it that you asked me over the intercom at school?"
"I asked you if you'd go to prom with me."
"And why did you ask me if I wanted to go to prom with you?"
"Because I love you."

She kissed me.

"So, will this year's prom be better than last year's?"

I smiled.

"You bet your ass it will be."

We kissed again, this time for a longer period of time. It was a familiar sensation, one that I had truly missed. It was at that moment that, for the first time in a long while, I was completely and totally happy. I hoped that the feeling would last, for I knew at that moment that I never wanted it to end.

Sincerely,
Mac-Attack