A Presidential Decision in the Life of the Mac-Attack

"I'M ENGAGED! I'M ENGAGED!"

Tara was obviously very excited as she entered the house this morning.

"Mark proposed! He got down on one knee! Did I mention that I'm engaged???"
"About a hundred thousand times."
"Aren't you happy for me, Michael? I mean, I'm--"
"Engaged. I heard."

I knew she would be engaged when she came home. I remember Mark, her boyfriend (now fiancee) telling me about it after our game of golf yesterday.

"So just be happy for me."

I would be happy for her, most likely, if I hadn't overheard a phone conversation as I was leaving the locker room. I remember what he said:

"Women love a big spender."

No, not that. I was talking about what he was saying over the phone:

"Come on, Janie, just because I'm proposing to Tara tonight doesn't mean you won't be seeing me anymore. You'll always be my number one girl."

This quote from his phone conversation was exactly the proof I needed to take down this son-of-a-bitch and make sure he didn't marry my sister.

"Tara, I could be happy for you--but there's something you need to know."

I needed to tell her the truth about this asshole. Marrying him would be the worst mistake of her life.

"What is it, Michael?"

Come on, Mac-Attack, just say it.

"It's about Mark."

Okay, you've got this, Mac. Just tell her.

"Okay, Michael, just say it."

I couldn't seem to get the words out of my mouth.

"Michael?"

Well, at least say SOMETHING. This silence is gonna creep her out.

"Uh, Mark's shorts did NOT match his shoes yesterday. Not even in the slightest bit."
"I completely agree with you! And those plaid shorts have GOT-TO-GO!"

I shoulda known that my very feminine brother JT was right behind me. He always has a way of making things even more awkward.

"Other than that, though, Mark's a doll! You two are gonna have such a happy life."

And then came the tears.

"I'm just--SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!"

He proceeded to cry in Tara's arms. I guess it should be no surprise that JT gets just as excited about weddings as schoolgirls get when they see Hugh Jackman shirtless.

"Um, Michael, was that all you had to say?"

No.

"Yes. That's all."

I walked away in shame. I needed to find a way to tell Tara about how bad this guy was for her. She may be a little crazy, but she is my sister. I can't see her get hurt.

I decided to talk to Ben about it. I figured he would have some words of wisdom.

"You told her you didn't like his style?"
"I didn't know how to tell her."
"Clearly. Listen, Mac, it's not really my business, but maybe you just need to tell her straightforward."
"It's not as easy as it sounds, Ben. She really loves this guy."
"Well, she's been in love before. How did she leave all the other guys?"
"She didn't. They left HER."
"Ouch."
"Yeah, I've been dealing with her break-ups since I was 2 years old and Bobby Newman stood her up at her Freshman homecoming dance."
"Are you boys ready to order?"

Oh yeah, we were at By the Slice having this conversation. I needed food in my system to have a discussion like this.

"Yeah, we'll get a 16 inch with extra cheese."
"Coming right up, Mac-Attack."

The waitress walked away with our order.

"Do you ever think we spend way too much time here?"
"No, the thought hadn't crossed my mind."
"Anyways, I think you just need to tell her straight-up that this guy is not who she thinks he is."
"Yeah, you're right. When should I do it?"
"Preferably after our board meeting next week."

Our youth director, Maryl, had mentioned to me that they would be appointing a co-president to work under Aaron Youngston, a fellow USYer/the holder of the key to Melinda's heart. As you all know, Melinda is this girl that I'm in love with. It's caused all kinds of drama and now she doesn't even want to be friends anymore. It's really frustrating since her and I were best friends since we were in preschool.

Back on subject, Maryl has strongly encouraged me to be in attendance at this meeting. I guess she thinks I'm qualified to be the co-president. I suppose I am, but it could be very awkward working with Aaron.

"I don't know if I'm gonna go to that, Ben."
"Why not, Mac? We need you on our board. No one knows USY like you do."
"And why can't Aaron just man up and do the job he was elected to do?"
"Because he can't do it alone. Our chapter is growing and it's gonna take three people to run this board. I'm the Vice President. I'd really like for you to consider taking the Co-President position."
"Ben, even if I do go to the meeting next Wednesday, the vote needs to be unanimous."
"And if it isn't, Maryl will be making the final decision. Mac, your chances are pretty good. In fact, I guarantee that this whole board meeting thing is just protocol. Everyone knows that you are the best man for the job. You should've been president in the first place but you decided to run away instead."
"Yeah, you were with me in California for how long? You didn't mention this to me once."
"I guess it slipped my mind."
"Here's your pizza."

That calmed us down a bit.

"Listen, Mac, I'm only gonna ask you once: Will you be at that board meeting?"

I thought for a minute. Of course I wanted to be there. I wanted this USY Presidency just as much as Sarah Palin wanted to be the next Vice President of the United States. The only difference was that I couldn't see Russia from my house.

I thought about the great Presidents of our country. George Washington, Abe Lincoln, FDR, JFK, and Bill Clinton. What would've happened if they had said "No"? It was my duty to say "Yes". For Ben, for USY, and for America!

"I'll do it!"

(Insert a Marching Band playing The Stars and Stripes Forever as I stand on top of a mountain with a big American Flag behind me)

"Mac?"

(Insert the sound of a record player coming to a sudden halt, followed by me snapping back to reality)

"Oh, uh, sorry."

And so, I went home and started working on my speech. I knew I'd have to say some really good things. I had Ben and Maryl on my side, but I needed to pursuade Aaron to support me. I had no idea what the other candidates would have to say. I needed to make sure I was better than them.

"USY is great. I love being in USY. USY has changed my life for the better."

I could hear crickets after David Kahn gave his speech. I soon saw a unanimous thumbs-down by both Aaron and Ben.

Our entire new board as well as what was probably half of our chapter was there in the sanctuary of Temple Beth Zion. Ben and Aaron were sitting at a table on the bima. Maryl was sitting there as well. Two other candidates were before me, both juniors. One was Derek Meyer and the other was Sally Freedman.

"Mac?"

I turned around and saw that my ex-girlfriend Dara Karpen was standing right there.

"Hi, Dara."

I had only spoken to her once since the break-up. It was a little awkward.

"So, you're hoping to be the president?"
"Co-President, yeah."
"Well, you'd have my vote."

Our conversation was cut short when we heard Maryl's voice say: "Our next candidate is Derek Meyer. Let's give him a hand."

Everyone clapped for him. Meyer was a short kid, very skinny. I didn't know him too well, but I suppose he was a nice kid.

"Hello, fellow USYers. I come before you on this day as a candidate for the Co-Presidency of Temple Beth Zion USY."

Dara whispered in my ear: "He probably took the opening from his bar-mitzvah speech and changed it to address USY."

I held back a laugh. Afterall, Al Gore never laughed about George W. Bush's speeches.

"You're gonna get me in trouble, Dara."
"Come on, Mac, we all know you are the most qualified guy for this job."
"Still, they might get mad that I'm talking during another candidate's speech."
"They're just waiting for you to give your's."

I didn't exactly know if that was the case, but it still got me to smile.

"I know that there are other qualified candidates, but I feel that I have something special to offer this chapter. Thank you, Maryl. Thank you, Aaron and Ben. Thank you, TBZ USY."

There was polite applause. Ben seemed to be happy that the speech was over, but Aaron looked intrigued by what Meyer might have to offer. This worried me a little bit.

"I talked to Ben earlier. You have his endorsement, and I'm gonna have to assume that you have Maryl's endorsement. Afterall, she's Melinda's mom."
"That doesn't have much do do with it anymore, Dara. Melinda and I are no longer on speaking terms."
"What? When did this happen?"
"Right after I got back from California. It's a long story and I don't want to talk about it."

Dara looked at me in disbelief.

"Thank you, Derek, for that very moving speech. Our next candidate is Sally Freedman. Let's make some noise for Sally!"

There was some applause when the freakishly tall and somewhat nerdy Sally Freedman came to the bima.

"Hello. I'm Sally Freedman and I would like to be your 2009-2010 Co-President of TBZ USY. I've made a pros and cons list to determine why I'd be a good leader."

Ben and Aaron were trying to keep straight faces, but I could tell it was hard for them.

"I'm going to start with the cons. Con #1: I'm only a junior. Con #2: I don't have any prior board experience--"

Dara leaned over and whispered to me again: "Con #3: I don't brush my teeth every night."

Once again, I tried not to laugh.

As I heard Sally Freedman shift to the pros of why she'd make a good president, I thought about my surroundings. I think that having Dara next to me really calmed my nerves. Maybe her and I were both finally past all the drama surrounding our break-up. I had certainly moved on, she had moved on, and now we could be friends. I remembered all the times we made each other laugh in the six weeks that we were together. It was nice to be able to laugh together in a strictly plutonic way.

"To conclude my pros and cons list, I would like to say that I have a lot of great ideas and I love to take charge. It would make me very happy if you chose me, Sally Freedman, as your 2009-2010 Co-President."

There wasn't a whole lot of applause, but some people clapped to be polite.

"Thank you, Sally. Maybe we should all make pros and cons lists."

It was quiet.

"It's time for you to go up, Mac."

Dara grabbed me and kissed me for a second.

"Our final candidate of the evening is Michael Maccabbi. Give him a round of applause."

There was a loud applause as I looked at Dara.

"Good luck."
"Um, thanks."

I wondered if anyone else had seen that. I hoped not, because the last thing I needed were some rumors flying around saying that I had gotten back together with Dara. I didn't want to be back with Dara--did I?

"Hey, guys."

There was more applause. I always seem to forget how popular I am in USY.

"I joined TBZ USY when I was just a little Kadimanick. I fell in love with this chapter and with USY the first time I went to an event."

It was crazy. Dara and I back together. That just couldn't happen. Maybe the kiss was just to relax me. If it was, it didn't work. I'm a little worked up now. Hopefully it won't show in my speech.

"Is it hot in here?"

Come on, Mac. Wipe your face and keep going.

"Um, I have gotten very heavily involved in the, uh, regional events and such."

Not the "uhs" and "ums".

"I'm sorry, but could I just get a glass of water real fast?"

Ben ran and grabbed me some water. As I drank the water, I looked my audience in the eyes. I knew that this night was not about getting Dara back or even contemplating the possibility. It was about taking the co-presidency of Temple Beth Zion USY. I was there to show that I was the best candidate, and damnit I was gonna do what I came there to do!

"Temple Beth Zion USY needs a leader. I believe that Aaron and Ben are fully capable of being leaders, however, it is apparent that they need a third man. Afterall, most good things come in threes: The Three Stooges, The Three Little Pigs, The Three Wisemen--"

I think you can stop mentioning things that come in threes now.

"I believe that I can work well with Aaron, Ben, Maryl and our board of extremely devoted USYers. We are a team, and I'd like to be drafted to play for this team. Thank you."

There was a loud roar of applause. Dara was cheering the loudest, but I also noticed a face in the front row that was smiling, and that was the face of Melinda Moskowitz.

"Thank you, Michael. Ben, Aaron and I will be discussing the candidates and making our final decision."

Maryl, Ben and Aaron left the room.

"Your speech was amazing."
"Thanks--What was that right before my speech?"
"What was what?"
"The kiss."
"Oh, yeah, that. Well, I guess you needed a little extra motivation."
"What's the motivation?"
"There's some major USY points if you hook up with a President. I figured it might be nice to get in on the action."

We laughed a little bit.

"So you and Ray are--"
"Finished. He was holding me back and I really just don't want anything serious. I'm a senior in high school. I'm supposed to have fun."
"Yeah, what's the point in being tied down?"
"I know, really."

There was an awkward pause.

"I miss you, Mac."
"I miss you too, Dara."
"I mean that I miss you-miss you. I miss the way you used to kiss me, hold me, cuddle with me, everything. I miss our phone-calls that would last for hours and I miss hanging out with you every weekend."
"Wow, Dara. I don't know what to say."
"Say you'll give us another chance."

I thought about it for a minute, and I was about to respond when Maryl, Aaron and Ben went back onto the bima.

"Candidates, all of you gave fine speeches. We took each and every one of you into consideration and we have made our decision."

I began sweating again. I had never been so nervous in my life.

"I am proud to announce the 2009-2010 Co-President of Temple Beth Zion USY: Michael Maccabbi!"

"YES!"

I ran onto the bima and gave Ben a huge championship-like hug. I also hugged Maryl and I even hugged Aaron. The noise was loud as I heard the chantings of "Mac-Attack, Mac-Attack, Mac-Attack..."

It was just about the sweetest feeling I had ever had. I thought about the great victories in American History: becoming an independant nation, winning against the Confederates in the Civil War, the Red Sox winning the World Series for the first time since 1918. To me, none of them could compare to how I felt when Maryl called my name.

I acknowledged the crowd and was getting them on their feet. Suddenly, I saw someone leaving the sanctuary. It was Melinda, and I needed to talk to her. I wondered if she had seen my kiss with Dara. I hoped not.

I ran off the bima to try to catch Melinda's attention, but it was too late, and there were so many USYers wanting to shake my hand and hug me and everything similar to it. Melinda was gone before I could catch up to her. However, Dara wasn't gone, and I felt I needed to answer her question.

"Congratulations! I'm so proud of you!"

She leaned in to kiss me again, but this time I turned away.

"I can't, Dara. I'm sorry, but I just can't."
"I understand. I guess I'll just have to get over you on my own time. We can still be friends though, right?"
"Of course we can."

We hugged.

"I'll see you later."

Just then, Ben approached me and gave me another monster of a hug.

"Dude, didn't I tell ya? Let's get a group over to By the Slice. We'll celebrate your victory."
"Yeah. Uh, sounds great."

So we headed over to By the Slice and celebrated with a ton of people. Aaron was there, Dara was there, even the candidates that I had beaten were there. Ben, obviously, was there.

It seemed that everyone in the world was there, except for Melinda. The one person who I'd wished would be there wasn't there.

Sincerely,
Mac-Attack