I know it makes me sound like a desperate and horny teenager, but it's not like all Melinda and I do is have sex. Really, we're kinda in a relationship. Well, she's not ready for a relationship. So, I'm waiting it out. I go to her place everyday after school and we make love. We would go to my house, but since my dad got back from the hospital, he's always at home. It's hard to get a moment alone when a man recovering from a heart-attack needs help 24/7.
It was Wednesday when Melinda and I were just laying in her bed, cuddling and bestowing soft kisses on each other's lips. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.
"Melinda, open up."
Shit! It was her mom!
"Shit! It's my mom! Quick, hide in the closet!"
Not thinking about the gay closet puns that may soon follow, I jumped out of bed and ran into her closet. I know I should've been relieved when I got in there, since her mom didn't catch us, but the first thought on my mind when I got in there was: "Jesus, how can anyone own so many shoes?"
"Come in, Mom," I heard Melinda say. Suddenly, her mom, also our Youth Director, entered the room.
"I'm going to the board meeting now. Text if you need anything."
"Okay, I will."
As soon as Melinda's mom left the room, I came out of the closet. (Insert laughter here).
"I can't believe I forgot about the board meeting. I have to be there!"
"Okay, fine. I understand."
She was pulling that whole "Jewish Guilt" thing on me, and while it was amusing, I remembered my position as President of Temple Beth Zion USY.
"You know I have to be there, baby."
"I know. Well, I guess we'll have to continue this later."
I put my clothes on and kissed her. I was about to walk out the door when I heard Melinda say:
"Hey, Michael?"
"Yeah?"
She then motioned for me to come back to the bed so she could whisper something to me.
"I love it when you call me baby."
We kissed one more time and I was off.
I got to the meeting about 10 minutes late, which meant that they were gonna start the meeting 10 minutes late. After all, they wouldn't start without their devoted president.
"Michael, now we can start. We can't start without our devoted president, you know."
My point exactly.
I looked at all my board members: Tony Abromi, Communications; Sharon Stone, Israel Affairs;
Amanda Braun, Membership/Kadima; and Josh Mauer, Religion/Education. Also, of course, was Ben Sheiner, my Vice President/Best Friend.
"Where have you been?" Ben asked as I took my seat at the head of the table.
"My dad had to go to the bathroom and needed help."
Did I mention that Ben has no idea that Melinda and I are hooking up? Before last week, I would've never dream of lying to my best friend, but Melinda wanted it to be our little secret. I have made lying to Ben about my situation with Melinda into a full-time job.
"Now that the whole board is here, I think we should get started. Michael, do you have any opening thoughts before we get to the agenda?"
"Yes, Maryl. Okay, guys, we have one main objective this year. That objective is to keep our members interested. Before Aaron resigned, we talked about doing some things that haven't really been done in our chapter before."
"Like what, hotshot?"
Tony Abromi is a smart-ass Italian Jew with a nose to show for it. He thinks he's the toughest Jew just because he's Italian. I have this theory about sophomores that states that they all walk around with an unearned sense of accomplishment. Tony is no exception.
"Well, Tony, I had an idea to do a camping trip."
"Campin' trip? Back in New York, the only campin' we did was waitin' in line for the subway to take us to Brooklyn. Now that's camping."
"Like, Tony, you were like, born in Peoria."
Josh Mauer is extremely feminine, but very friendly and very knowlegable about Judaism. He was a solid choice for Religion/Education, but he, like Tony, is a sophomore.
"Tony, this is Arizona. Most chapters in Vegas and even L.A. use their location to their advantage. There's no reason why we can't."
"Well, I think it's just a fantabulous idea!"
"Thank you, Josh. It's nice to have some support."
"So are we all in favor of doing a camping trip?"
Everyone nodded their heads.
"Good. The camping trip is set for the weekend of September 25-27. We'll do it up in Prescott."
"Perfect. Now, on to the agenda. Ben, would you like to start?"
"Sure, Mac. Now, membership shouldn't be too big of an issue and--"
"Excuse me...it's the only issue!"
Amanda Braun means well, and she takes her position as Membership/Kadima Officer very seriously. However, she may take it too seriously. Plus, she sounds like Fran Drescher and it makes my ears bleed.
"Amanda, we have 150 members currently signed up."
"And Congregation Am Yisrael has 200."
"It's a bigger congregation and a bigger target demographic."
"Then what was I elected to do if we have enough members?"
"Smile and look pretty, and maybe get us a couple pizzas."
I disregarded Tony's comment.
"There's Kadima, Amanda."
"Who cares about Kadima? It's just a bunch of bratty children!"
"Okay, I think it's time to move on."
"Agreed. Ben, please continue."
"Thank you. Anyway, like I was saying, we're expecting to expand the 'Education' part of Religion/Education. I think it might be good to get some guest speakers and stuff like that."
"I actually had a really great idea to bring to the table."
"Alright, Josh. The floor is your's."
"Thank you, Mac. I think it would be cool to talk to the youth groups from the Orthodox and Reform Communities and get representatives to be on a panel and have a debate."
"That sounds like a great idea, Josh. And, since you are our Religion/Education Officer AND since this was your idea, you will be the one to serve on the panel."
"Ooh! Ooh! Can we be wearing formal wear? I have this fabulous suit that I can wear!"
"Uh, I guess."
"FAB-U-LOUS!"
We all kinda looked at Josh and then continued.
"Moving on, let's hear from the Israel Affairs Department."
"Yes. Israel Affairs is going to be a huge part of our programming this year. There's a few rallies and such in support of Gilad Shalit. I think it's important that we have a representative at these rallies."
"Consider it done."
Sharon Stone is always a very reliable Israel Affairs Officer. While she is usally shy in social circles, Israel is her passion and she would do anything to spread the word out.
"That would be great, Sharon. Is there anything else to discuss pertaining to Israel Affairs?"
"I've been in touch with Zachar Stern, Israel's liason to West Coast USY. We're hoping he can come to Phoenix really soon for a Q&A about the current state of Israel."
"Oh yeah? Zachar Stern, heh. Nice name. Where'd he get it?"
"His parents."
"Good one. High Five, Girlfriend!"
As Josh and Sharon high-fived, I took a look at my board. While they were young and inexperienced when it came to USY Politics, they were completely devoted to making TBZ USY the best chapter it could possibly be.
After the meeting, Maryl talked to Ben and I in the parking lot.
"I'd say this was a very productive meeting."
"I agree. Great job, Mac."
"Oh, you know it was a team effort."
We were all quite satisfied with the way the meeting went.
"Well, my husband's going to be here in just a little bit and we're gonna go out to dinner. By the way, Michael, I'm looking forward to the camping trip. You did a good job."
"Thanks. See you later, Maryl."
As soon as Maryl was gone, I walked over with Ben to where our cars were parked.
"So, Mac, I was thinking."
"Good for you. It's been forever since you've done that!"
"Very funny. Anyways, since this whole Melinda thing didn't work out, I wanna tell ya about this girl I met last week who'd be perfect for you. Blonde cheerleader with tan skin and long legs."
As Ben started talking, I recieved a text from Melinda. The text read: "My parents will be out for at least another hour. Feel like coming over?"
I began to text back when I realized Ben had said something.
"Mac, did you hear me?"
"Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry. What did you say?"
"Blonde cheerleader with long legs."
"Gotcha, I'll let you know. I've gotta go, though."
"Stuff with your dad."
"Uh, yeah. Something like that."
As I got into my car, I responded to Melinda's text with: "I'll be there in a bit."
I wondered if I should've felt guilty for lying to my best friend about this. I mean, he knew about all the other girls I'd hooked up with. But Melinda was different because I was in love with her. I would do whatever it takes to make her happy, even if it means lying to others about it. Love is about compromises. I guess this was just the compromise I would have to make.
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
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