Every year, West Coast USY holds their annual Regional Convention in California. Convention is by far the best event of the year. We stay in a nice hotel, we get to see our friends, and there's a dance that's even better than prom!
After the week I'd just had, I was looking forward to a relaxing, drama-free USY weekend...as if that was possible!
Here's a little poetry to recap my past week:
Dara dumped me
What a hoe
I kissed Melinda
That's fo sho
She tried to seduce me
But I said no
Now I've never
Felt so low
There's nothing that can capture the human soul like poetry.
Anyways, nothing in my life had ever been this complicated. I still couldn't understand why it was that I didn't sleep with Melinda. I'd fooled around with girls I barely knew before, but when someone I've known my whole life proposed sex, I left. Maybe I was scared, maybe I was confused, and maybe my heart wasn't in it. But if my heart wasn't it it, how could I have gone to her house and kissed her?
As I got to Sky Harbor Airport, there was a lot on my mind.
"Hey, Mac," my best friend Ben said as I entered the airport.
"What's up, Mac," said Aaron Youngston, another friend of mine from USY.
"I have a lot on my mind," I told my friends, repeating what I had typed before the dialogue sequence began.
"I didn't see you yesterday. What ended up happening with you and Melinda?"
"You and Melinda? What about Dara?"
"She dumped him."
"So now you're into Melinda?"
"That's what I was about to find out."
"GUYS!"
My two friends looked at me and shut up.
"Nothing ended up happening."
Just then, Melinda and her mom Merril, who was also our youth director, arrived at the airport.
"Michael, Aaron, Benjamin."
I felt really awkward now. The girl who I may or may not have loved along with her mother, who was the best friend of MY mother, were standing right in front of me.
"Hi, Melinda," I said, hoping that maybe she had forgotten that I epicly rejected her two days before.
"Hi, Aaron. Hi, Ben."
Yeah, she hadn't forgotten.
Just then, my twin brother Darrin arrived at the airport. He isn't as involved in USY as I am, but he likes to go to Convention.
"Hey, guys."
"Darrin! The only Maccabbi brother worth my time!"
Now I definitely knew that she hadn't forgotten. Note to self: when a girl wants to have sex with you, don't reject her. It can only lead to bad things.
I remember the last time I rejected sex. It was with Carrie Wilcox, nearly a year ago. That led to a lot of awkwardness, but it also led to my introduction to Rivka Pasternak. However, just a couple months back, Carrie tried to ruin my reputation with a rumor about this really ugly band geek. That was a scary day.
Once we got to the gate, we met up with the USY Chapter from Congregation Am Yisrael of Tempe.
"Mac-Attack!"
I knew that voice very well. It was that of Brian Berg, known to us as B.
The flight to San Diego, the location of Convention, was physically very short. However, it seemed much longer than it was. Only fate would have it that I was sitting next to Melinda.
"Only fate would have it that I'm sitting next to you, Michael," she said, obviously iritated about the seating arrangements.
"Melinda, can we please talk?"
"Talk about how you messed with my mind by kissing me on Sunday, or how you played with my heart by rejecting me on Tuesday?"
Ouch. I shoulda seen that coming.
"Melinda, I...uh, I...I just..."
"Will you just say it? You don't want me. You've never wanted me. I get it, so can we please just move on with our lives?"
I was stunned. I wanted to tell her how wrong she was, because she was very wrong. I do want her, and the more I think about it, I've always wanted her. That's the complete opposite of what she was saying. In fact, I was about to say this entire blurb to her when...
"We are now making our final descent into San Diego. Thank you for flying with us."
Damn it. Why couldn't Convention be in Guam? We would've had a lot more time to discuss the matter at hand!
I knew that I wouldn't be able to talk to Melinda until we could get a moment alone.
"MAC-ATTACK!"
I heard the voice of my good friend Gahl Sinai. Close behind him were Max Altman and Tara Hudson. I hadn't seen Tara since Disneyland, but I had heard she was running for Regional USY President.
"Tara, I heard you were running for Regional USY President."
"Yeah, I'm so nervous."
"You've got my vote."
"Mine too!"
Right behind me, I saw Tara's boyfriend, Jake Josephson.
In reuniting with so many of my regional friends, I suddenly saw Melinda walking away, at a distance.
"So I guess Dara couldn't come?"
I continued looking off into the distance, watching Melinda walk until she was out of sight.
"Mac?"
I finally snapped out of it.
"Oh, sorry. What?"
"Where's Dara?"
"Dara broke up with me last weekend, Gahl."
"That sucks, man, we know you were really into her."
"Not into her enough, I suppose."
"Well, I guess it's okay. Rivka is here this weekend."
"Yeah. Rivka."
I obviously didn't seem like myself.
"Mac, you don't seem like yourself."
I wasn't myself. I was completely lost right now. I needed to talk to Melinda.
"Sorry, guys. Just a lot on my mind."
"Break-ups do that. Luckily Tara and I are together forever!"
Tara and Jake then decided it would be a nice idea to start making out in front of all of us.
"If you guys will just excuse me."
I doubt Tara and Jake noticed that I left.
"Mac!"
"Ben, I don't know what's happening."
"Oh no! Did you get amnesia again???"
"No...wait, what?"
"What?"
Just then, I realized that it was time to go to our rooms and change for Shabbat. My roommates were Ben, Gahl, and Max. Next door to us were B, Jake, and Aaron. It appeared that I was in good company, especially when Jake and B came to our room as soon as they were dressed to hear about my predicament. Strangely, Aaron was nowhere to be found.
"So, you went to Melinda's right after Dara dumped you?"
"Yeah, I..."
"But then you didn't sleep with Melinda when she offered it?"
"No, but..."
"Sounds like a bit of a waste if you ask me..."
"I don't..."
They all continued to talk amongst themselves when finally:
"ALRIGHT ALREADY!"
I definitely overreacted.
"Wow, you definitely overreacted."
"Sorry. My mind is just all over the place right now."
"Wanna know what I think?"
"Well, I've heard what everyone ELSE has to say."
"I think that we should head downstairs for Shabbat. After services, I guarantee you'll feel way better about all of this."
"You sound like my father."
We all kinda laughed a little bit.
"Come on guys, let's head downstairs for services."
And so, I went downstairs with my friends and we brought in Shabbat the USY way. Just like Gahl said, I forgot about all my problems and felt way better about it all. Thank you, Shabbat.
YEAH RIGHT.
Shabbat was good, but I still had everything on my mind. Seriously, what was Gahl thinking? Shabbat doesn't cure the world's problems! If it did, the children in Africa would be celebrating Shabbat every day!*
*I apologize to any African children reading my blog. That was definitely uncalled for.
After Shabbat, it was time for some Israeli dancing. That was kinda fun...except for the fact that the one person I wanted to Israeli dance with wasn't anywhere in sight. I really needed to talk to Melinda, but it was kinda hard to talk to her when I didn't know where she was. I did, however, see an old friend who I hadn't seen in a while.
"Mac!"
"Rivka, hi!"
We hugged and I definitely didn't want to let go. It was really good to see her.
"Where's your girlfriend?"
"Not here. Not my girlfriend anymore."
"Oh, in that case, let me give you a proper greeting."
She leaned in to kiss me, but I had to turn away.
"As nice as that would be, Rivka, I can't this weekend."
"Why not? New girlfriend already?"
"Not quite. If only I knew where she was."
"Could she be standing in front of you?"
"She's been standing in front of me for a long time. I've just been too blind to see it."
I turned around and started walking away.
"Does this mean we're not going to hook up this weekend?" she asked as I walked away.
I looked back.
"I'm afraid not, Rivka. Not this weekend."
"Alright, I understand. However, if you see me later, the offer is on the table."
She sorta winked. I know in my heart that Rivka will always be a sure thing. If the circumstances were different, I'd be a sure thing for her as well. However, there was only one girl I was after. The girl who I've known my whole life, the one who has always been there for me, the one who I have said this same exact monologue about 100 times since my last entry.
After Israeli dancing, we headed up to our rooms. I felt very unsatisfied, for I thought that maybe the magic of Shabbat could bring Melinda and I together, like it had for me and Rivka a few months ago.
"Hey, did anyone see Aaron?"
"Wow, come to think of it, I haven't seen Aaron since we got to the room to change for Shabbat."
"That's bizarre."
I wondered where Aaron could be, but my mind was on other things, like figuring out what I was going to tell Melinda the next day. I had to talk to her and tell her how I felt. I still didn't know what it was that I felt, but damnit I felt something. I was gonna find out what it was.
The beds at the hotel were really comfortable. Unfortunately, there were only two beds, so I had to share a bed with Ben. It was somewhat awkward, especially when I woke up in the morning to see Ben's head on my shoulder!
"Uh, Ben?"
"Good morning, Megan," he said, obviously still asleep.
"BEN!"
That woke him up.
"AHHH! You're not Megan Fox!"
"Oh, really? What gave it away???"
Max, Gahl and I started laughing.
We all headed down for Saturday morning services about an hour later. I immediately saw Melinda. She looked very classy.
"You look really classy, Melinda."
In the history of bad conversation starters, that has gotta be the worst!
"That has gotta be the worst conversation starter in the history of bad conversation starters."
"Yes, I just realized that."
We kinda laughed a little bit.
"Did you have fun last night?"
"Oh, Israeli dancing is always fun."
"I saw you with Rivka."
She gave me a look of disappointment. I was about to tell her what I had told Rivka and use it as a prelude to my feelings for Melinda, but all of a sudden we heard the words of the Preliminary Service.
The rabbi's sermon today talked all about confusion, doubt, and faith. I was confused about my feelings for Melinda, I was doubting that I would get an opportunity to talk to her about it, but I was trying to have faith that I would. Obviously, the rabbi was relating all of it to God, but I felt that the sermon probably related to all of us somehow.
The day's activities went by fast. We were put into groups, however, Melinda was not in my group. Once again, I didn't get the opportunity to talk to her.
Saturday night came really quickly, and I didn't even see her after Havdallah.
"Shavua Tov, Mac-Attack!"
"Shavua Tov, Tara."
"I'm so nervous about tonight. The election results are going to be announced at the dance."
"Oh yeah, the dance is tonight."
"Yeah, it usually is. Mac, are you okay?"
"Not really, Tara."
"Is it about your break-up?"
"Kinda. Question for you: have you ever felt like you were completely content in your love life, but then you realize the one you've really always wanted was right in front of your eyes?"
"Shavua Tov, baby!!!"
I had forgotten that Tara was already content with her whole love life.
"Well, I can't imagine wanting anyone else that might be in front of my eyes. I have the most perfect guy in the world!"
Once again, they started making out.
"Well, uh, thanks for the advice."
I don't imagine that they heard me.
The dance began with some old West Coast USY favorites, such as Every Time we Touch by Cascada and Low by Flo Rida. I didn't feel much like dancing, so I decided to go outside for a little bit. Gahl and Ben followed me out.
"You know, Mac, not dancing isn't going to make you feel better about Melinda."
"I think you need to talk to her."
"I know I do. God, this is killing me!"
"You know what you have to do."
"I know."
"So what are you waiting for?"
I thought for a minute. Now was as good a time as any. I was gonna go find Melinda and tell her exactly how I felt: I was going to tell her that I was in love with her, that I've always been in love with her, but I hadn't ever realized it until recently.
I was about to go find her...until--
"GUYS!"
Max was out of breath and sweating. He looked like he had just ran a marathon.
"What's up, Max?"
"I realized where Aaron has been sneaking off to all weekend!"
Not that I wasn't interested in gossiping about one of my friends and what he had been doing, I had something important I needed to say to someone important.
"I have to go find Melinda. I'll see you guys later."
I ran off. I vaguely remember hearing Max say: "Mac-Attack, wait!", but I didn't feel like wasting more time. I hadn't seen Melinda on the dance floor; I wondered if she was in her room.
I took the elevator up to the third floor, where the girls' rooms were. I walked to room 305, where Melinda would be. I immediately began pacing in the hallway, trying to prepare what I was about to say to her. I needed to have what I was going to say in the back of my mind so I would be prepared to say whatever it was that I was going to say.
However, nothing prepared me for what I saw as the door opened. I had imagined Melinda answering the door, being caught off guard, and me telling her all about my love for her. I imagined her jumping into my arms afterward and her kissing me. I imagined the two of us coming downstairs back to the dance, everyone happy to see the two of us together.
When the door opened, it wasn't anything like I had imagined, for the one who opened the door was not Melinda.
"Oh. Uh, I, Mac-Attack."
Of all the people that could've answered the door, it was Aaron Youngston. Not only was it Aaron Youngston, it was a PANTLESS version of Aaron Youngston. I also saw Melinda out of the corner of my eye...in the bed.
"Oh, sorry. I guess I'm interrupting something."
Melinda got up from the bed.
"It's not what it looks like!"
"Really? What it looks like is that I came up here to tell you how I feel about you, but it looks like you don't share the same feelings anymore."
I started walking away, when Melinda chased me down the hall.
"Why are you doing this, Michael?"
"Aaron Youngston? Really?"
"He was really sweet yesterday afternoon when I told him all about what was happening, and he was sweet again last night after I saw you with Rivka."
"Melinda, what exactly did you see me doing with Rivka?"
"I saw you hug her. I was sure you'd hook up with her...so I thought since you were hooking up with her, I might as well hook up with someone too."
"Well here's some news...I didn't hook up with Rivka, Melinda."
"What?"
"I told her that there's someone else who has always been in front of my eyes. I've just always been too blind to see it."
I started walking away again.
"I practically threw myself at you on Tuesday, Michael!"
"I needed more time, Melinda. The truth is, I've loved you for a long time. I was too busy chasing tail constantly to take some time to realize it. I thought that being with a bunch of different girls would make me happy. Then I got myself into a relationship with someone I really loved...turns out, that didn't make me as happy as I thought it would. I don't know what would've happened between Dara and I if you hadn't told me how you felt. She probably would've left me anyway to go back to that asshole ex-boyfriend of her's. I've been thinking of the fact that there's only one girl who has consistently treated me well. There's only one girl who I've always cared about and who's always cared about me. That girl is you, Melinda. Only it's too late now."
I started walking away again. Suddenly, I saw Max, Ben, and Gahl coming out of the elevator.
"It's not my fault that you waited for too long. I've waited for you to come around for a long time, Michael. I'm done waiting."
I didn't really know what else to say that would argue my case. The truth of the matter is that she was right.
"Fine then."
I walked away, with my friends behind me. I wish I could say that Melinda made the wrong choice, and I wish I could say that I wasn't the one at fault here.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my pleasure to announce your 2009-2010 West Coast USY Regional President as...Tara Hudson!"
There was applause throughout the room. I could tell that Jake couldn't wait to congratulate Tara with a huge kiss.
I saw the two of them together, and I suddenly remembered that for a month and a half, I had exactly what they had. Dara and I were always so content with what we had...at least I had thought we were. It had never occured to me that I wasn't as content as I thought I was. I thought again about Melinda and how content I would've been with her.
I also thought about the fact that I really had no one to blame than myself. I was an idiot for so long, always trying to find the right girl. When I thought I'd finally found her, it ended in heartbreak. I should've known that I never needed to find the right girl at all.
On Sunday afternoon, I said goodbye to all my friends and boarded a flight back to Phoenix. I was sitting next to Ben this time, so at least it wouldn't be awkward.
"What are you going to do now, Mac?"
"I'm not really sure."
It was a good question. I had a whole summer now, and I was back to Square One. I was the bachelor that I had always been, not tied down to anyone and not caring about it. As we arrived at the Gate at Sky Harbor Airport, I thought more and more about Ben's question.
We got to the baggage claim. When I took my duffel off the carousel, I thought about the fact that my baggage went beyond my duffel bag. I had even more on my mind than I did before I got to Convention.
Darrin walked up to me when he got his bag.
"I guess I'll see you at home?"
I thought for a minute.
"Actually, Darrin, I'm not really ready to go home yet."
Darrin gave me a weird look.
"Tell Mom and Dad that I'll call in the morning."
On that note, I walked out to the airport parking lot and got in my car. Once on the freeway, I saw a sign pointing me in the direction of Los Angeles. I decided to take that route.
The last time I decided to let the road decide where I would go, I ended up at Melinda's house. This time, I wasn't sure where I was going. All I knew is that I would definitely be on the road for a while this time.
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
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