There's a feeling that a man gets when something important is on the line. It starts in the gut, and then eventually takes over the entire system until the man's entire body is both so cold that he's shivering, and so hot that he's sweating. I know that this was the feeling I had when I looked at the scoreboard right before half-time and saw that we were down by 16 points.
I should've known that putting Ben and Sam on the same rotation while they were in a lovers' quarell would be a bad idea. I'm gonna call that Coaching Mistake #1.
Coaching Mistake #2 was taking Ben out of the game and putting myself in to take his place. As it turns out, Sam was mad at me for making Coaching Mistake #1, therefore she wouldn't pass to me, especially when I was open to make a great shot.
Coaching Mistake #3 may have been the biggest mistake of all. I called a time-out and took Sam out of the game, leaving her harrassing Ben as he was trying to coach from the bench. Ben was distracted, and therefore couldn't think straight. I played for the rest of the half, but the damage had already been done. Here we were, facing our rivals from Vegas, with a score of 34-18 at the end of the first half of the first round of the West Coast USY Passover Basketball Championship Tournament. I couldn't believe the immaturity of my head coach and our best player. This is why I don't agree with office-relationships.
"Did anyone else see the scoreboard?"
Everyone was silent as I addressed everyone in the locker room during halftime.
"That wasn't rhetorical!"
Everyone was still silent.
"We are losing! Thing is that we aren't losing to Team Vegas. We're losing to ourselves! It's because certain people are being selfish!"
Everybody looked immediately at Ben and Sam.
"I don't know about you guys, but I want this goddamn game. We all know that it's gonna be San Diego in the finals; they're the ones who are favored to win the tournament. Don't you wanna be the ones to beat them? But we have to get past these assholes first, and that's not gonna happen if you keep playing the way you're playing!"
Nobody said a word.
"CAN YOU BE BETTER THAN THIS?"
"YES, COACH!"
"Then prove it to me!"
Everyone started walking out of the locker room...everyone except for Ben and Sam.
"You guys are staying in here."
"What?"
"Obviously, neither of you are in any condition to be playing basketball. Until you guys can change your attitudes and realize that it's not about you, you guys are benched."
I started walking off.
"Mac!"
"What?"
"It's not exactly your place to bench us. I'm the head coach."
"You're the head coach?"
"That's right."
"Then start fucking acting like one!"
I walked out and tipped our team escorts Gahl Sinai and Rivka Pasternak to ensure that neither Ben nor Sam left that locker room until they could come up with some sort of agreement.
In the meantime, we continued to get trampled on. I coached from the bench mostly, but when the lead extended to 40-18, I had to step in. I was able to score five points right off the bat and attract a foul, in which I made both free throws. However, by the time the fourth quarter came around, the score was 42-25, a seventeen point defecit.
Meanwhile, back in the locker room, Ben and Sam decided to resolve their issue by not talking at all. Ben broke the silence probably as I was about to make my second free throw.
"When did you make the decision that you'd be moving to Israel?"
"It's always been my plan. My mother's side of the family is from Israel. I've spent practically half my life in that country. I love it there."
"Well, a little heads-up would've been nice. You know, before I decided to fall in love with you."
"I didn't know how to tell you. Plus, when we got together, I didn't know it would be a long-term thing. I figured we'd just have fun. But then I started having real feelings for you, feelings that were even stronger than the ones I had for Steve."
"Well, I've never felt one tenth of what I feel for you for anyone."
"You know I love you, Ben."
"Not enough, though. Not enough to make you stay."
"I was never gonna stay. I just didn't know how to tell you."
"So you waited until a week before you were about to leave to tell me."
"It was as good a time as any."
"We had just had sex! Really good sex!"
"At least we were both relaxed when I broke the news."
Ben was about to say something back, but he could only bring himself to laugh. This caused a chain reaction that made Sam laugh. Pretty soon, there was no talking. Just the sound of laughing so hard that tears were coming down both their faces. Gahl and Rivka heard the laughter and figured that the two must've come up with some sort of agreement, as they let the two out of the locker room.
It was two minutes into the fourth quarter, and we were down by fifteen points, when Ben and Sam approached the bench.
"I take it you two will start acting like teammates."
"Yes, Coach."
"You betcha."
I looked at them, skeptically but then trustfully.
"Then get out there. There isn't much time."
With Ben and Sam out there, the team turned the heat up and played solid defense. They also drew a few critical fouls that put us within five points of Team Vegas with two minutes left in the game.
I called a time-out when the clock said 1:42.
"Okay, I like how this is working right now, but I'm gonna change it up a little bit. Bobby, take a seat. I'm gonna put myself in the game."
I looked at Ben and Sam.
"Let's take these guys down. Five points. We can do it."
The game resumed, and right off the bat, Ben was able to set me up for a three-pointer. The clock said 1:36 when we were down by just two.
Team Vegas got the ball back, and while our defense was strong, their offense was persistent and they scored another two points. When we got the ball back, they took it right back and attracted a foul. It was none other than Steve Schuckman, the biggest jerk in West Coast USY, who was called to the line to take two free throws, both of which he swooshed. With 1:05 left, we were down by four.
The last minute of the game was close. We'd score, they'd score, we'd attract fouls and miss our free throws, they'd attract fouls and make their free throws. With ten seconds left, we found ourselves down by two. With seven seconds left, we attracted a foul. It was me who had to take the free throws. I made the first one, putting us down by just one.
I knew that the best strategy would be to miss the second shot and trust that someone on my team would get the rebound to score the winning two points.
My plan worked, or so it seemed. I missed the shot, but there was a struggle for the rebound. Joey Gold of Team Vegas was the one who ended up with the ball, and with four seconds left, he hurled the ball down the court. It ended up out of bounds, of course, and we got the ball back, but it was with one second left.
The fact of the matter is that we lost that game. It wasn't for lack of talent, lack of heart, or lack of a good fight. It was simply because we didn't play like a team when it really counted. Strangely enough, I wasn't upset about the loss. As that buzzer rang and I looked at each individual face of my teammates, I realized that the numbers on the scoreboard didn't mean a thing. In the past few months, we had come so far and had really come together as a team. I was proud of them, as any good coach should be.
As we started walking to the locker room, we saw Team Vegas celebrating the victory.
"Let them have their celebration," I said to Ben.
Once we were back in the locker room, Ben and I decided to give our final notes.
"It was one hell of a season, guys. One hell of a season."
"We overcame a lot of adversity, but we also had a lot of fun. I just want you guys to know how proud we were to have served as your coaches this season."
"Now, with that said, we don't go home until Sunday morning. So please enjoy yourselves for the rest of this trip. Tomorrow afternoon, if you guys want, we can all go watch the Los Angeles A-Team take on Maccabbi San Diego."
Everybody groaned, obviously still upset about the loss.
"Hey hey hey! There will be none of that."
"You guys gave it a good run."
Just then, Gahl and Rivka entered the locker room, obviously to inform us that we needed to get out of there.
"Okay, well, that's all we have to say. Grab your gear and get out of here. I'll see you all tomorrow."
Still moping, the team picked up their stuff and left the locker room. Sam left, but Ben stayed.
"I feel like it's somehow my fault that we lost this game."
"Don't blame yourself. I made some coaching moves that Mike Kryzewski would've frowned upon."
"Well, for what it's worth, I'm glad you didn't let me and Sam play at the beginning of the half."
"What did you guys talk about?"
"We didn't...we just laughed a lot."
"Well, I guess that's--something."
"I have a feeling the conversation isn't over yet."
"Good luck."
Gahl and Rivka entered the locker room all the way.
"I hate to interrupt, but you guys have to continue this conversation outside. The custodians are about to come in and clean."
"And we definitely don't want to waste their time."
We left the locker room, and Gahl and Rivka followed us. In fact, they followed us all the way downstairs where the fans were waiting.
There was only one fan in particular that I cared to see at that point, however. The beautiful Brittany Zieglar of Las Vegas. She was probably the only person from Las Vegas who wasn't rooting for her home team.
However, Brittany wasn't the first person I saw. The first person I saw was none other than my ex-girlfriend Melinda.
"It was a great game, Michael."
"Thanks. I appreciate that."
Not that I didn't enjoy being around my ex, I would've preferred to have been around Brittany, a girl who was actually interested in me.
"I'm sorry you guys lost, but at least it was close."
"Yeah, I was upset--have you seen Brittany Zieglar anywhere?"
"Yeah, I saw her during the game."
"Did you see her after the game?"
"I saw a lot of people after the game."
"Hey, Mac!"
The next thing I knew, I was being hugged by Melinda's current boyfriend Aaron Youngston, a guy who I wasn't too fond of.
"Hi, Aaron. Listen, guys, I really need to find Brittany."
"Brittany Zieglar?"
"No, the late Brittany Murphy."
"Well, she's buried at Forrest Lawn Memorial Park."
"Babe, I love you, but it's a little creepy that you know that."
"I'm talking about Brittany Zieglar!"
"Why didn't you say so?"
"I did!"
"Take it easy, man. I saw her right after the game."
"Where did she go?"
"I don't know. I saw her walking outside with Schuckman."
"Schuckman?"
"Yeah, you know, the player-coach of Team Vegas."
"I know who Schuckman is, Aaron."
"Oh. Okay."
Aaron decided it would be best to walk away. He could tell I was a little confused and upset.
"Okay, Michael, just think. Just because they were walking, it doesn't mean they were--"
"Scoring more than just baskets?!"
"Why don't you just call her?"
"That's not a bad idea."
"But do yourself a favor and wait until tomorrow."
"Why wait?"
"Because you may be able to think straight tomorrow. Invite her to watch the game with you tomorrow. Me and Aaron will be there!"
"Yeah, because that's what I wanna be doing tomorrow. Watching a basketball game with you and Aaron."
I walked away, upset and unsure. I didn't know how to feel about the fact that the girl who was supposed to end up with me ended up with a jerk like Steve Schuckman. It was almost as bad as when my ex-girlfriend Dara left me to go back to her ex-boyfriend at the end of junior year. I couldn't think straight.
West Coast USY decided to put all of the USYers up in a hotel right near the JCC. I roomed with Ben and told him about my predicament.
"I wish that I had something better to say other than: 'I'm sorry Schuckman may have stolen your girl'."
"She's not my girl, Ben. She's just a girl."
"She's a girl that you like."
"What can I say, Ben? She caught my attention."
"Then perhaps you need to talk to her. But I agree with Melinda. Wait until tomorrow."
"What is with all this waiting?"
"At least you can wait. My girlfriend is leaving for Israel on Monday. She won't even be home for 24 hours before she relocates!"
"What are you gonna do about that anyway, Ben?"
"Mac, what can I do? Seriously, I love her, but she's moving to a different continent."
"And you really love her."
"Yeah. Losing her is killing me!"
"I wish I could help, Ben."
"When you decided you were moving to the other side of the country, you had to make the decision knowing that the woman you loved would be left behind. How did you do that? Does it get easier?"
"To be honest, Ben, Melinda wasn't a deciding factor. I knew I wanted to go to Florida and that's all that mattered to me. I mean, it was a lifelong dream."
"Just like it was a lifelong dream for Sam to go to Israel."
"Well, there you go."
It was quiet.
"I'm gonna try and get some sleep, man."
"Alright. Goodnight."
Trying to go to sleep was exactly what I did. I couldn't sleep at all, and the worst part was that I didn't understand why. It wasn't like Brittany and I were an item. We'd only kissed a couple times, and it was awkward both times. But there was just something about her that made me desire her affection. I wanted her so badly, and I somehow felt that I had missed my chance. I just didn't understand why.
The next morning in the hotel lobby, I saw the girl who I'd been thinking of all night.
"Mac-Attack!"
Brittany approached me, hugged me and kissed my cheek.
"Hey. I hoped to see you yesterday."
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that."
"What happened to you?"
Before she could answer, a real creep answered for her.
"Hey, Brit. Last night was incredible."
He began kissing her neck. She seemed disgusted and regretful, but it didn't change the fact that she had probably done something the night before that would hurt me.
"Well, now I know what happened to you yesterday."
"Mac, I can explain."
"I think he just did."
I walked away, hoping to save my dignity.
"Mac!"
I ignored her as I left the hotel to go to the JCC where I met up with Jake Josephson to shoot some hoops and get him loose for his upcoming game. He was the head coach of the Los Angeles A-Team, and it would take a miracle for them to beat San Diego.
"Listen, Mac, I appreciate you wanting to loosen me up, but I'm not expecting to win."
"See, Jake, that's the problem. You gotta expect something if you want it to happen."
"Well, it would be nice to beat these guys."
"You have my full support now that my guys are out of the tournament."
I took a shot from the three point line and swooshed it.
"Nice shot."
"Thank you."
"So did you end up seeing Brittany Zieglar last night?"
"That's definitely not something I wanna get into right now."
I missed my next shot and Jake grabbed the ball.
"Come on, Mac-Attack, talk to me."
He made his shot.
"Okay, I'll level with you. She went out with Schuckman last night instead."
"Steve Schuckman?"
"Is there a different Schuckman?"
"Yeah...his dad."
I laughed.
A couple hours later, his escort, Max Altman, came to inform him of his team's arrival.
"Duty calls."
"We'll see you after the game, Mac-Attack!"
"Alright. Good luck!"
I spent the game sitting next to Ben and Sam, who were very obviously sweeping their issues under the rug.
"Go Jake!"
"By the way, Mac, I'm sorry about Brittany."
"Good news travels fast."
"Sorry, Mac, it slipped out."
"It's fine, Ben. Not like it's a secret or something."
The game went by fast, and the Los Angeles A-Team were actually able to win it. Jake was very happy afterward, and a huge crowd was surrounding him. There was one person I was surprised to see congratulating him.
"You did good, bud."
"Thanks, Tara!"
I suppose that he and his ex-girlfriend Tara Hudson had reconciled as friends.
I headed back to the hotel as soon as the game was over and didn't leave my hotel room for the next couple days. I didn't even join everyone for Shabbat on Friday night, and that's generally my favorite part of USY events. I finally left my room on Saturday night to go watch Jake win the championship.
I got to the JCC early. Gahl and Rivka immediately sat down next to me.
"How are you, Mac?"
"We haven't seen you in a couple days."
"Let me ask you guys something."
"Okay."
"Sure."
"My team is out of the tournament. Now, I love you guys and you guys are two of my very good friends...but you guys don't need to escort me anymore. Go do couple things."
They laughed and Rivka whispered something in Gahl's ear. She left right afterward.
"What was that all about?"
"She informed me that the locker room will be empty as soon as the first half starts."
"Oh. I see."
It was then that the teams entered the court.
"That's my cue. See ya later!"
I was in a very good mood at the start of the game, especially when Ben and Sam arrived. We all hung out for most of the game. It was the third quarter when Brittany found us and sat down next to me.
"Mac, I really have to talk to you."
"Okay, Brittany. Talk."
"Not here."
"Then where?"
She took my hand and led me to the JCC lobby where we would have a discussion that I didn't want to have.
"Okay, Brittany. What's up?"
"About Steve--"
"Wasn't that a Sandra Bullock movie?"
I use humor as a defense mechanism sometimes. She disregarded the comment.
"This has been in the works for a while."
"Yeah, but so have we. I mean, I've talked to you every day since February. Doesn't that count for something?"
"Yeah. But I've actually seen Steve every day. We're in the same USY chapter. And we spoke before he went to the locker room before the game and he said a lot of sweet things. And then when he won--"
"So you wanted a winner."
"Mac--"
"Brittany, I took the loss pretty hard. But knowing you'd be there after the game made it worthwhile. Except you weren't there. My ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend were there, however, which made me feel that much better!"
"It's not like I like Steve more than I like you. I still wanna hang out with you."
I looked at her and realized something had changed about myself. Without a word, I began to walk away.
"Whatever happened to the Mac-Attack that would hook up with two or three girls in one USY weekend?"
I looked back at her.
"I guess I'm just not that guy anymore."
When I got back to the stands, there wasn't a whole lot of time left in the 4th quarter (25 seconds to be exact), and the Los Angeles A-Team were down by a single point.
"This looks familiar."
"Come on Jake!!!"
15 seconds left, and then 10. The A-Team was able to keep posession of the ball, but they kept missing shots. Soon, there were two seconds left. Jake attracted a critical foul.
He approached the free throw line to make two shots. He made the first one. They were now tied with San Diego.
Jake was obviously nervous. In fact, I could see the lake of sweat surrounding him on the floor. Suddenly, a voice was heard that calmed his nerves.
"You can do it, Jake!"
On that note, Jake took his final shot and made it. The Los Angeles A-Team were the Passover Tournament Champions!
There was a mixed reaction from the crowd. Many of the fans were happy that Schuckman and Team Vegas got beat, but many of the San Diego fans hoped that the team that beat their team wouldn't succeed.
A beautiful gold trophy was presented to Jake and he held it up with pride. Ben and I both smiled and cheered the loudest. There wasn't a single person on earth who deserved that trophy more than our friend did.
Our flight back to Phoenix was early the next morning. Ben and I sat next to each other for the first part of the flight, until Sam came over to finish a conversation that needed to be had.
"Mac, can I switch with you for a little while? I need to talk to Ben."
"Oh, yeah. Of course."
As soon as I left, the two began talking.
"Ben, I need you to look at me."
He did as she asked.
"I'm leaving tomorrow night for Israel, so I need to say this now."
"I'm listening."
"I love you now. I won't stop loving you, and I need you to know that just because I'll be far away, you'll be on my mind 24/7."
"I love you too, Sam. You're the most incredible woman I've ever known."
They kissed. She then switched back with me.
When we arrived at the airport, the two exchanged glances as they parted ways. I believe that they knew in their hearts that it wouldn't be the last time they exchanged glances, and I even think that they felt that the relationship wasn't completely over.
I checked my phone and saw a text message from Brittany Zieglar that said "For what it's worth, I'm sorry". I then looked at Aaron and Melinda, two people who were obviously happy. I realized one thing about myself: I wasn't happy being alone. Maybe the reason I was so interested in Brittany Zieglar was because it was a chance to have someone, at least for a couple days.
Maybe it was the fact that I felt so alone on the drive back home from the airport that I made the phone call that I did.
"Can we meet somewhere?"
I drove to Temple Beth Zion, the place that we first met. I couldn't describe the feeling of uncertainty as I parked and saw her standing there.
"Hello, Mac."
"Hi, Dara."
I walked up to her feeling like I was doing the wrong thing. Her lips pressed against mine, and it felt anything but right.
But it was better than the feeling of loneliness.
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
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