Those were the words that Dara Karpen uttered when we found ourselves in the heat of passion. This happened two weeks ago. I was feeling lonely, so I gave her a call and we met up at the synagogue of all places. Since I work there (and I happen to be the rabbi's son), I happened to have the keys to the front office. We went into my dad's office (which is where my desk is located) and she immediately began stripping down. I followed suit after I swiped everything off of my desk and we started going at it. It was probably the my hottest sexual experience of the time. The prospect of sneaking into one's place of work (a synagogue nonetheless), and just going crazy on each other. Sounds pretty appealing to me; I'm not gonna lie.
Perhaps I should give you guys a little background about Dara. We went out for a month and a half last year. We had sex only once (the night I lost my virginity) and she proceeded to break up with me to get back together with her ex-boyfriend. Aside from seeing her around school every once in a while, I hadn't really talked to her since the summer at USY Elections, when she kissed me and I denied her pleas to rekindle our old flame. When I called her two weeks ago, I was feeling nothing but pure lonliness. I had just come off of losing in the first round the West Coast USY Passover Baketball Tournament. Then a bigger blow happened when the girl I was sure to hook up with, Brittany Zieglar decided to be a hoe and hook up with a different guy. I realized how lonely I truly was, and it didn't help that Melinda and her ex-boyfriend Aaron had recently gotten back together. I felt like the lonliest guy on the face of the planet, and that's where Dara came in. I didn't wanna be alone, so I called a girl who could ease the lonliness for a little while. She was able to do exactly that.
After I successfully got her to reach the peak of pleasure, she wrapped her arms around me and kissed me.
"Wow, you have gotten really good since we broke up."
"I've had a lot of practice."
"I can tell."
We continued to make out, her body still pressed against mine. I kissed her neck and she began to rub her fingers through my hair. It seemed as if we were about to go in for Round 2, when all of a sudden, I heard a vibrating noise.
"Uh, that's mine."
"You brought a vibrator?"
"No, silly. It's my phone."
It continued to vibrate.
"Hold that thought, Mac."
She kissed me and then answered her phone.
"Hello? Oh, hey, Dad."
She sounded like it was a phone call from someone who she didn't want to talk to.
"I'm just, uh, hanging out with Lynn."
"Lynn? Great."
She shushed me and then continued her phone call with her dad.
"Um, yeah, I'll be home soon. Okay, bye."
She hung up.
"So is 'Lynn' my new nickname?"
"Very funny."
She kissed me playfully and began putting her clothes on.
"Come on, how about another round?"
She kissed me again and I touched her skin softly.
"I really gotta go, Mac. But we'll do this again."
We both got dressed, kissing sporadically throughout the clothing process.
"So, quick question," I said before kissing her again. "Where does this leave us? Do we pick up from where we left off a year ago?"
I began kissing her neck as she spoke.
"I think it might be a good idea to keep it causal, Mac. I mean, we're not the same people we were a year ago. And you're going to Florida, and I'm going to NYU in the Fall. I mean, we probably shouldn't complicate our lives too much before we move away."
It was one of the most brilliant ideas I'd ever heard.
"I completely agree. A casual relationship might be what we need."
I went in to kiss her and she stopped my lips with her finger.
"Let's not call it a relationship, Mac."
I thought for a second, and she was right. It wouldn't make sense to call it a relationship. Relationship means Commitment, and trust me, Commitment was not what I was all about right now.
"Sounds good to me. We're just having fun."
"Exactly."
We kissed one more time before she left. I left ten minutes later. I hadn't had sex since December, and that felt like a long time. I wondered if there would be more to this casual thing than just the physical aspect, but I made the decision there and then that if the courtship was only physical, that would be just fine.
At school the following Monday, I told Ben about my new situation.
"Dara? Really?"
"Hey, I thought you liked Dara."
"Nobody liked Dara, Mac. And nobody liked the way you were when you two were dating."
"What?"
"Yeah. The whole thing was so immature. I mean, it wasn't even two weeks before you told her you loved her."
"It had so been two weeks before I told her that...it was exactly two weeks."
"You're not helping yourself here."
Just then Dara entered the school and approached me. Not even acknowledging Ben, she whispered in my ear and then walked away without another word.
"Well, I know what I'm doing after school."
"Oh yeah? What's that?"
"Her!"
"You're setting yourself up for a big fall, Mac-Attack."
After school, while I was sleeping with my former girlfriend, Ben was on his computer reading an e-mail from his current girlfriend, Sam, who had recently moved to Israel.
Dear Ben,
Israel is wonderful. I'm learning Hebrew right now, which is surprisingly easy to pick up on. I found out that I actually won't be an official member of the Israel Defense Force until August, so I'm going to have an entire summer to enjoy the wonderful oasis. I miss you and will try to write
often.
Love,
Sam
"I hate this," Ben said to himself. He decided to occupy himself by looking at all sorts of Israeli tourism sites. I have no idea how this could be helpful, but people have their own ways of coping with unfortunate situations.
"What's this?"
He saw an adveritsement that really caught his attention. It said: Study in the Homeland, Live in the Homeland, Be in the Homeland. Apply to the Jerusalem University for American Students Today!
"I wonder."
He clicked on the link and began filling out the application.
The next week, there was a USY lounge. This was when Ben told me, Melinda and Aaron about his crazy idea.
"Israel, Ben?"
"You've never even been there."
"I know, I know. But Sam's there."
"And that's a reason to commit to spending the next four years of your life in a foreign country?"
"Mac, it's the Jewish homeland. What better place? Plus, I'm not just committing the next four years. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life there."
We all looked at him blankly.
"Well, I wanna spend the rest of my life with her, Mac. If she's gonna be in Israel forever, I ought to be there too."
"Ben, you're not even 18 yet!"
"Just because you have commitment issues doesn't mean we all should, Mac."
As if on cue, my commitment issues were thrown in my face as Dara walked into the youth lounge.
"Do my eyes decieve me?"
"Nope. Hey, Dara!"
She kissed me and sat down on my lap. I was surprised by the PDA, but I went along with it.
"Hi."
"Hi."
In front of everyone, she stuck her entire tongue down my throat. Without another word, she got up and walked away.
"How long has this been going on?"
"Not long."
"Are you guys back together?"
"Not really."
"It's casual."
Melinda looked at Ben.
"You knew about this?"
"Of course he did."
"You should've told me."
"The way you told me about you and Aaron?"
And then it was awkward.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure."
We went outside to talk in private.
"What's your point with this whole thing, Michael?"
"What whole thing?"
"Getting back together with Dara."
"We're not back together. We're just having fun."
"So you're sleeping with her."
"There is sex involved; yes."
"Wow."
"And who are you to judge, Melinda? If you recall, about seven months ago, we were doing the same thing. Just keeping it casual because you didn't wanna commit. Well, the difference this time is that neither me nor Dara want a commitment!"
Melinda was speechless.
"I'm sorry. That was--"
She waved it off.
"You know, Michael, you really should think before you speak."
"Melinda, I--"
"Find me when you become mature enough to carry on a real conversation."
She walked away, and for the rest of the evening, I couldn't get the exchange out of my head.
I began to start questioning my current romantic circumstances. I revisited my conversation with Melinda over and over again. I then flashed back to my relationship with Melinda; the good times and the not so good times. I backtracked to the couple months that we were just sleeping together, not unlike what I had going with Dara. I then went back even farther, to the six weeks that Dara and I spent together a year ago and how great everything seemed. However, "seemed" is the key word. As great as everything seemed, it really wasn't. I was her rebound guy, and she was my way of proving to the world that I could change my womanizing ways. I can probably make the argument that it wasn't even real. I mean, I can't think of too many conversations that we had. To be honest, I don't even know if she had any siblings, if she had any living grandparents, or if she was close to her mom and dad. I had told her I loved her without really knowing her, and what's worse is that she reciprocated the feelings. All she had known about me was that I was a womanizer and that I wasn't extremely close to my family. Both aspects of my life had changed tremendously since then, so in retrospect, she really didn't know anything about me at all. Then I thought: I may not have loved her, but I liked her a lot and saw potential; maybe we should pick things up from where we left off, only this time we could really get to know each other and have a real relationship. After a few days of thinking, I knew what I needed to do.
This brings us to yesterday. I knocked on Dara's door, and she opened the door wearing nothing but a t-shirt and red underwear.
"Mac, uh, what are you doing here?"
"I wanted to talk to you about something."
"This isn't really a good time."
"Hey, baby, is that the pizza?"
I then understood why she was in her underwear.
"Who's here, Dara?"
A shirtless guy with long, wavy blonde hair appeared at the door and answered the question.
"Is that the Mac-Attack?"
"Mac, you know Danny McCormack, right?"
"Uh, yeah. Freshman Physics, right?"
"Right!"
He put his hand out, and not knowing what else to do, I shook it.
"So, are you the pizza delivery guy?"
"No."
"Oh. Well, good to see ya."
"Yeah. Likewise."
Danny McCormack left the doorway, leaving me and my half-naked ex-girlfriend to talk.
"Mac, I can--"
"Hey, no need to explain. It's casual, right? We can see whoever we want."
"So what's the problem, then?"
"There isn't. I'm just afraid I'm not gonna talk about what I was gonna talk about."
"And what was that?"
"It doesn't matter, Dara. What I'm gonna say now is that I thought this would be cool and that it would be fun, but it's not anymore, and it won't be because I'm not the type of guy who can just keep things casual anymore. I'm a changed man. I have been for a long time."
"So it's over between the two of us, for good?"
"Dara, if there's one thing I learned from these past couple weeks, it's that nothing is ever over for good."
"What does that mean, though, Mac?"
"It means that I'll see you around, Dara."
On that note, I walked away from Dara and from the entire situation. I was disappointed, but I was also relieved. The more I think about it, things would've never worked out between the two of us, and quite frankly, she wouldn't have wanted more than what we had. I got in my car with pride, and though I was ready to just go home, I had one more stop to make.
"Michael?"
"Hi. Can I come in?"
"Sure."
I came in to her otherwise empty house.
"Did you want to sit down?"
"Sure."
I sat down and she sat down next to me.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Well, for starters, I ended things with Dara."
"Oh. Wow."
"I guess I realized that I'm not the type of guy that can just see someone casually anymore."
"So you're all grown up."
"Well, not exactly."
I took a pause before continuing.
"I've been acting very immature lately."
"How do you mean?"
"Well, I've been immature about everything, Melinda. The whole Brittany Zieglar thing, you and Aaron getting back together, the way I broke up with you a few months back. I guess I just wanted to tell you that I understand that I haven't been handling things the way I should."
Melinda was taken aback by my sudden grasp of reality.
"I'm deeply moved by your revelation, Michael...and to be honest, I'm quite shocked."
"Tell me about it. I mean, I spent the last few days just reflecting on the past year, starting with my relationship with Dara and ending with my relationship with you. It got pretty messy at times, to be honest. All those feelings and memories flying around, going hand-in-hand."
"I'll bet."
"And then I thought, maybe I ought to give things with Dara another shot. Like, a real relationship, like what you and I had. But then I showed up to her house to find that she was interested in no such thing."
"Oh. Well, I'm sorry to hear that."
"Don't be, because then I realized something else."
"What was that?"
I took a deep breath before I revealed to Melinda what had been my biggest self-discovery of the day.
"I'm still in love with you, Melinda."
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
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