Beating a Rival in the Life of the Mac-Attack

"Okay, bring it in!"

Our latest basketball practice was about to end, and things were going well for the team. Ben and I were doing the coaching, of course. We'd been practicing at the JCC in Scottsdale, and it was a perfect facility for what we needed it for. It had full courts, locker rooms, and even a gym so we could do some weight-lifting with the team.

"Take a knee--did I STUTTER?"

Ben was a bit of a hard-ass when he got into his coaching mode, but it was okay, because he knew that it was a good way to motivate the players.

"Great job today, everyone."
"Yes, you guys are showing some great hustle out there...but it's not enough yet."

The athletes looked disappointed in themselves.

"Um, what Ben means is that--"
"YOU GUYS CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!"

Now the athletes just looked at Ben as if he was a bumbling idiot.

"The USY Hanukkah Bowl is this weekend. We play Vegas on Friday afternoon!"
"From what we hear, they're pretty good."
"They are the best. Now, I don't wanna point out anyone specific--Bobby--but you guys cannot be missing those easy shots. We all learned how to do a lay-up in KINDERGARDEN!"

"I only missed one lay-up!" argued Bobby Goldstein, our shooting guard.

"You can't miss any if you want a shot at those assholes!"

"Ahem," chimed in Sam Bernstein, the only girl on the team and the only one who was actually from Vegas. "They aren't all assholes."

"He knows that," I whsipered. "He's just saying it for dramatic effect."
"Mac-Attack, when I ask you for your opinion, that is when you give your opinion."
"I wasn't giving my opinion, Ben."

The team was starting to zone out.

"Okay, guys, run your laps and hit the showers." I blew my whistle and they were off.

I looked at Ben, who seemed quite frustrated.

"Dude, you might wanna lay off of the team a little bit."
"Mac, it's our first game."
"I know, Ben."
"We're coaching, Mac. And I wanna beat that douchebag Schuckman."
"That's what this is about?"
"Yeah."

Steve Schuckman was Sam's ex-boyfriend who cheated on her the whole time they were together. Recently, though he probably wouldn't admit it, Ben had taken a big liking to our only female athlete. Therefore, he would do anything to win her heart, including (but not limited to) beating her ex-boyfriend in a schoolyard game of basketball.

"You're into Sam, Ben."
"No I'm not."

I told you he wouldn't admit it.

"Ben, you never cared a thing about Schuckman until you found out he was Sam's cheating boyfriend."
"No, I, uh, hate him because he's always hooking up with girls that you wanna hook up with."
"Ben, I have a girlfriend."
"Well, before you were with Melinda, he would--"
"Ben!"

Sam was about to finish her final lap as she called Ben's name.

"Go to her, Benjamin," I said in a very sophisticated accent. "Run to her!"
"Yeah, fuck you," he said, laughing. As he approached the fair maiden, I headed up to the locker room.

"I really need to improve."
"Nah, you were doin' great out there."
"Ben, I want this game just as much as you do. Maybe more."
"Okay, you've got my attention. What can I do for you?"
"Maybe some one-on-one practice."
"I can meet you at TBZ tomorrow night."
"Okay, great."

Ben told me about his exchange with Sam the next day at school.

"You gonna take her to dinner first?"
"What?"
"You know, on your date."
"Shut up, Mac. It's not a date."
"Sure, Ben."
"Ben's got a date?"
"Where did you come from?"

Melinda basically came out of nowhere.

"Hey, baby."

I kissed her.

"So who is Ben going on a date with?"
"Sam."
"It's not a date!"

Ben walked away, muttering something to himself.

"Well, he's sure defensive."
"Yeah, well, you know how people get when they're in love."
"So I've heard."

We kissed again.

That night, Ben met Sam over at TBZ for a private one-on-one coaching session (aka a date).

"Hey, Coach."
"Hey, yourself. You ready to play some b-ball?"
"Always."

The two began to play a game. Ben was going easy on her (so he said). When Ben told me about it the next day, he told me he only lost by a couple points.

"Wow, how did you just lose by 10 points?"
"Uh, I was going easy on you."
"Right. Well, looks like you may need a coaching session of your own."
"Do you mean to say that the student should be the teacher?"
"Unless you wanna prove me wrong. Maybe you can turn up the heat this time."
"You're on."

They played another game, and this time, Ben told me that he buried her.

"Good game, Ben. Except for the fact that I went easy on you, but you still only won by two points.
"Okay, Sam. Let's play one more game, make it a 'best two out of three' type of thing. We both play to our full potential."
"You're on, but loser has to buy the pizza."
"Deal."

This game was even more intense than the first two. They played to 40, and the game was neck-and-neck for over an hour. The minute after Ben made a shot, Sam would make a shot. It came down to the final point. Sam took the ball to the three-point line, took a shot, and sunk it in. Sam had won the impromptu basketball series. She began to run around, cheering as if she won the Gold Medal at the Olympics.

"Looks like you owe me a pizza!"

Ben got close to her.

"I would've bought the pizza either way."

She looked at him and kissed him. The two proceeded to go on their first official date at By the Slice.

A couple days later, it was Friday. As soon as school ended, Ben and I headed to the JCC, where the game would be taking place. We all got dressed in the locker room, solemnly and with a purpose. Everyone had one word on their minds: WIN.

As we walked out of the locker room and headed down to the court for warm-up, we saw our opponents from Vegas walking in, led by the biggest goon of West Coast USY.

"Well, if it isn't the Mac-Attack himself."
"Schuckman."
"I heard you're the coach of this group of misfits."
"Assistant Coach, actually."
"Who's the head coach?"

As if on cue, Ben entered the conversation.

"That would be me, Schuckman."
"Sheiner? You're the head coach?"
"That's right."
"This is gonna be fun."
"Yeah, it will be."

As if on cue, Ben's new girlfriend entered the conversation as well. As she approached us, she put her arms on Ben. Schuckman automatically understood what was going on.

"Wait a minute--you're going out with him?"
"That's right, Steve. He's 100 times the guy that you are."
"Enjoy the game, Steve."

On that note, the three of us headed down to the court to warm up. Soon, a huge crowd of West Coast USYers filled the JCC Basketball arena. It began to get loud as Ben and I delivered our pep talk.

"Okay, guys; this is it. Listen to the crowd. They are cheering for every single one of us."

As Ben said this, we could hear the entire crowd shouting: "Mac-Attack! Mac-Attack!"

"Okay, they're cheering for one of us."

The team chuckled at the comment.

"We can do this tonight, team. We've worked hard these past few weeks."

As the noise-level increased, so did Ben's confidence in the team.

"ARE YOU READY FOR THIS???"
"YEAH!!!" shouted the team in excitement.
"HANDS IN! PHOENIX, ON THREE!"

We all counted together: "ONE, TWO, THREE, PHOENIX!!!"

At that moment, Brian Berg, known by most as B, sat down at the sideline table and took the microphone. He would be the announcer throughout the game.

"Welcome, West Coast USYers, to the First Annual WCUSY Basketball League Hanukkah Bowl, featuring Team Vegas, led by Steve Schuckman..."

There were a few cheers from the huge crowd.

"...and Team Phoenix led by Ben Sheiner and MAC-ATTACK MACCABBI!!!"

At the sound of my name, the noise level hit the roof.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, as it is the first night of Hanukkah tonight, please welcome Tara Hudson, our Regional President, to the court to light the menorah!"

The noise level remained high as Tara Hudson entered the court. She lit the candles as the entire crowd sang the blessings.

"Welcome, everyone."

The crowd continued to cheer.

"At this time, can the coaches please meet me at Center Court?"

Ben and I walked to Center Court to see that the coach of Team Vegas was none other than Steve Schuckman.

"How fitting," Ben commented as we approached Center Court.

"Good luck," Schuckman said fakely.

"We got something better than luck," he said as he gripped Schuckman's hand tightly. "We got skill."

After the intense hand-shake, we went back to our bench and began the game.

It was obvious that the Vegas team was great. During most of the first half, we were able to keep it relatively close, but Team Vegas was ahead 60-50 at halftime. The team's morale was low, and we needed to come up with a game plan, and quickly.

"You got any ideas, Coach?"
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking."

Ben started looking through his notebook, but just got more frustrated as he realized we'd run every play with every rotation. We had absolutely no strategy, and the team knew it.

Ben began pacing around the locker room, trying to think of a plan. Suddenly, it hit him.

"I need more time."
"In case you haven't realized it, Ben, the third quarter starts in 2 minutes. Time isn't a luxury."
"Yes, Mac. Yes it is."

I was confused.

"I'm confused."
"Everyone, gather round."

The team immediately did so.

"Okay, so here's what we're gonna do: I'm going to sit out the entire 3rd quarter and observe what's going on. In the meantime, I want Sam, Joe, Bobby, Chad and Larry to start it off."

"Got it, Coach," said Chad.
"Got it, Coach," said Larry.
"I'm in, Coach," said Bobby.
"I'm ready, Coach," said Joe.

Sam was the only one with any objection.

"What about Mac?"
"What about him?"
"Ben, besides Sam, he's our best player."
"I know, but he's a coach as much as I am."

Everyone on the team immediately looked at me.

"I'm with Ben on this one, guys."

Suddenly, they all looked even more discouraged.

"Okay, guys. I know it doesn't seem like it, but these guys are getting tired! They only have so much energy left, and you know what else? They are scared of what you guys are capable of. They certainly aren't expecting to see Ben and I on the bench when we return. It'll throw them off. Now, CAN WE WIN THIS GAME???"
"YEAH!!!"
"Then no complaints, no surrender, and NO MERCY!!!"
"YEAH!!!"
"LET'S DO IT!!!"

The team was suddenly pumped up and ready to go into action. Team Vegas was starting with the ball, but it wasn't long before we got into a groove. Sam started us off with a steal from Rob Jacobovich, Team Vegas's star power forward. She followed that by a pass to Joe who dribbled it down and made an easy 3-pointer. 53-60.

"Let's go, keep it up!"

Vegas got the ball back, but not for long. Bobby blocked a pass from Jacobovich to Schuckman, and as soon as he got the ball, he passed it immediately to Sam who dribbled it down-court. She couldn't find a shot, so she passed it to Joe who scored two points. 55-60.

"Okay, we're down by only 5 now. Let's keep it up."
"Change up!"

The players rotated and some fresh legs got into the game. Billy Horowitz scored two on a fast-break lay-up. He was also fouled and made both of his free throws. 59-60, thus ending the 3rd quarter.

"Okay, bring it in!"

Ben looked at the faces of all our teammates.

"Here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna sit the rest of the game out."

There was some talking amongst the team.

"Hey, listen up. Mac will be coming in to start the 4th quarter out. I want Sam, Bobby, Joe and Billy to join him out there."
"Alright, I'm ready."
"You better be ready. Now, our objective for this quarter: we are down by just one point. Once we score that point, which we will, I wanna bury these guys. Are we understanding each other?"

We all nodded our heads.

"Okay, let's show these assholes what we're made of!!!"

We got on the court and started the quarter. This time, we started with the ball and were able to get things moving right away. I passed the ball to Billy to start things off, he passed it to Sam, but Schuckman came out of nowhere and intercepted her pass to Bobby. Schuckman went down the court and scored a basket. 59-62.

"It's okay," I assured her. "We'll get it back."

Almost instantly, we were able to get the ball down-court. Joe passed to me and I got an easy lay-up. 61-62, and we were down by just one point, yet again.

Time was suddenly moving incredibly fast, and no matter how good our defense was playing, we were finding ourselves unable to make a shot ourselves. The score remained at 61-62, until there was literally five seconds left, and we suddenly got the break we needed. It was a shooting foul, and our team would get two shots (one to tie the game and one to win). But, guess who was gonna be trying for the free throws.

"You can do this, Mac."

I looked at the crowd, all of whom were cheering for me. I looked at my teammates, who were relying on me.

"Mac Maccabbi will be attempting two free throws, and a chance to win the game for Team Phoenix," announced B.

"Okay," I thought to myself. "I can do this."

I looked at the ball, and then at the basket, then I watched the ball swoosh through the net. 62-62.

"One more."

If I had been sweating any more, I could've sworn I was in a swimming pool. I looked at the crowd again. I closed my eyes and then opened them. In a quick, swift motion, I took the shot and immediately closed my eyes afterwards. Had it not been for the noise level hitting the roof of the JCC, I would've never known I had made the shot.

"YES!"

My teammates, as well as the crowd of USYers ran onto the court and mobbed me. In all the mess, I saw the one person who I wanted to see the most.

"I must say, Michael, I was actually entertained by sports for once."

I looked at Melinda, smiled, and we kissed passionately on the basketball court.

"I love you; you played great."
"I love you too."

We continued kissing, and we weren't the only ones.

"Great game, Coach."
"Thanks. I couldn't have done it without you."

As they were about to kiss, the losing coach approached them.

"Hey, Ben."

Ben and Sam turned around and faced Steve Schuckman.

"It was a great game."

Schuckman reached his hand out, and Ben shook it. The coaches acknowledged each other.

"Where were we?" Ben asked once Schuckman had left.
"Right about here," said Sam right before kissing him.

It was a perfect example of an "all's well that ends well" ending. We won the game, Ben won the girl, I made the final shot, and either way, I had a beautiful girlfriend who loved me. It was a true moment of perfection.

Sincerely,
Mac-Attack