A Presidents' Retreat in the Life of the Mac-Attack

"Okay, so I made you a surprise, but you have to wait until you're on the plane to open it up."

My girlfriend Melinda was dropping me off at the airport, obviously. I was to be in California for the weekend, meeting with the other USY Presidents and Vice Presidents of the West Coast USY Region.

"You're the best, baby."
"You know it."

We kissed for a long time.

"I love you."
"I love you too. Call when you get in."
"I will."
"Promise?"

I kissed her again.

"Sealed with a kiss."

We kissed one more time. This kiss was so long, you'd think we were saying goodbye forever. Truthfully, it would feel like forever. We had become official at my sister's wedding about three weeks ago, and we'd been inseperable ever since.

When I got to the gate, my Vice President/Best Friend Ben was already there.

"Good Morning, Mr. President."
"Ben, you don't have to call me Mr. President."
"I thought it sounded cool because we're on official business."

As we got onto the cramped Southwest Airlines Flight, the only thing I could say to my Vice President was: "It's not exactly Airforce One."

The flight lasted an hour. We arrived at LAX in Los Angeles around 9:30 in the morning. We were greeted by the Regional President of West Coast USY Tara Hudson.

"Mac! Ben!"

We each hugged our good friend and we headed down to baggage claim.

"Thanks for picking us up, Tara."
"It's no problem, Mac-Attack. When you told me you guys got an earlier flight, it was the least I could do."
"So the other presidents and vice-presidents--"
"Won't be joining us until noon. We're having lunch brought in for us during our first meeting, but I was hoping to take you guys to breakfast."
"That sounds great, but first I have to call Melinda to let her know I made it okay."

As Ben cracked an imaginary whip, I dialed Melinda's number: 602 555 2643

"I take it you made it to L.A."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Was the flight okay?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Are you guys with Tara?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Will you stop calling me 'ma'am'?"
"Yes, ma'am."

I heard Melinda laughing on the other end of the phone.

"So Tara is gonna take me and Ben to breakfast and then we're gonna have a bit of downtime until the rest of the presidents and vice-presidents get here."
"What time are they all getting there?"
"Around noon, and then it's straight to work for me."
"Oh, my man is just so important."
"You got that right."
"Michael, I'm gonna miss you so much tonight."
"No worries, babe. I'll make it up to you when I get back in a couple days."

I knew I should probably get off the phone when Ben gave me one of those "Ahem" looks.

"Uh, so baby, I gotta go. Lots of work and so little time."
"Okay, baby. I love you and miss you already."
"I love you and miss you too."

We hung up and I began walking out of the airport with Tara and Ben.

"The Mac-Attack in love?"
"I'm entitled to it, aren't I?"
"It's just so weird to see you acting that way...like a good guy."

Ben started laughing.

"Come on, Tara, it's not like I've never been in a relationship before. Didn't you ever meet Dara?"
"Nope."
"You're lucky, Tara. Dara was a hoe."
"Come on now, Ben, that's not very nice."
"I'm just saying."

Tara drove us over to Jerry's Deli and we enjoyed a delicious breakfast full of omlettes and stuff. Deli food is the best.

"Okay, so there is a reason I wanted to talk to you guys before we met with all the other Presidents and Vice-Presidents."
"Because we're awesome, right?"

Tara laughed, but then got her business-face back on.

"Last month, I was at a Retreat for all the Regional Presidents of United Synagogue Youth. I met a lot of people, including the International President."
"Well, that makes sense, since it was a retreat for USY Presidents."

Tara disregarded Ben's comment and continued.

"Well, Jonathon--his name is Jonathon--was telling me about his time as President of FCSA USY, and--"
"FCSA?"
"Former Confederate States of America. South Carolina, Alabama, Georgia, etc."
"Okay, continue."
"Anyway, he told me about the Regional Basketball League that he started, and I thought it would be a good idea to get one going in our Region."
"Tara, that's a great idea!"
"Glad you're on board with it...because I want the two of you to lead Team Arizona."

Ben nearly spit out his orange juice.

"Us?"
"It could be a great opportunity for Temple Beth Zion USY."
"I agree, Tara."

Ben still looked hesitant, and I knew why. Ben used to love playing basketball, but then he was cut from the team at Deer Valley High. Since then, he wouldn't even watch basketball on TV.

"Ben, you know more about basketball than anyone I know."
"I don't want to talk about this, Mac. Thanks for the offer, Tara, but I think Mac will have to take this one on his own. Can we go soon, please? I wanna rest, I think I'm jet-lagged."
"The flight was only an hour long."
"Check, please."

The tension finally eased when we arrived at Temple Beth Elohim, the site of the Retreat. We helped Tara set up the meeting room, and before we knew it, the room was flooded with USY Presidents.

I saw a few familiar faces, such as my good friend Max Altman, the Vice President of Beth Elohim USY. The President was another friend of mine, Gahl Sinai. I then saw Brian Berg in the distance; he had become the President of Congregation Am Yisroel by default...no one ran against him because no one else thought they could win. He was walking with some hottie who must have been a USY President I had never met before.

"So, because no one thought they could beat me, no one ran against me. Therefore, I won by default."
"That's, um, interesting."
"Mac-Attack!"

He walked toward me and gave me a hug.

"Who's your friend?"
"I'm Shelley Goldsmith, President of Kol Echad Synagogue in Albuquerque, New Mexico."
"I'm Mac Maccabbi, President of Temple Beth Zion in Phoenix."

She was giving me the look that most girls give me when they want to...do things with me, so to speak.

"What are you into, Mac?"
"Life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness."
"That sounds fun."

She started moving closer when I spoke the words that no girl ever wants to hear when they wanna hook up with someone.

"I have a girlfriend."

I then walked away without a word.

"Nice job getting yourself out of that jam, Mac."

That would be the voice of Rivka Pasternak, an old USY Flame from San Diego.

"Hello, Rivka. You look good."
"Thank you, Mac-Attack."
"How have you been?"
"Good. Lonely, but good."

She gave me the same look that Shelley had just given me, but before I could say anything, Tara began the meeting.

"Welcome to the West Coast USY 2009 Presidents' Retreat!"

There were some cheers from all the Presidents and Vice-Presidents.

"So, I'm sure some of you have heard the rumors, but I just wanted to confirm it. West Coast USY will be starting a Regional Basketball League. I've already nominated Mac Maccabbi and Ben Sheiner to head up Team Arizona."

Ben proceeded to leave the room.

"Um, like I was saying, we already have Team Arizona's leadership. Over the course of the weekend, as I get to know each and every one of you, I will make more nominations based on Leadership skills, organization, and of course, knowledge about basketball. I'm very excited about this. It's one of the many great things West Coast USY is offering this year."

More people cheered.

"So, in just a few minutes, we're gonna break up into small groups. Then we'll get changed for Shabbat Services. I hope everyone is ready for a productive weekend; I sure am."

The rest of the day went by really quickly. Lots of hard work...but that wasn't what was on my mind right now. Rivka kept giving me hints, but the thing about it was that I had no interest in her anymore. I was in love with Melinda...what was the best way to tell Rivka this?

Meanwhile, Ben was having problems of his own. I just didn't understand it; the guy had loved basketball so much when we were growing up, and now that he had the opportunity to be a part of a team again, he didn't seem to want it.

All this while trying to focus on my meetings and stuff. I decided that it wouldn't hurt to call Melinda and talk to her about it.

"Rivka doesn't know we're dating?"
"Baby, how often do you think I talk to her?"
"Michael, you were telling EVERYONE when we started dating. You called your dad's third cousin who you've never even MET before!"
"Robin was a nice lady."

I guess it did hurt to call.

"You are gonna tell her, right?"
"Of course. I just need to know how to break it to her. I wanna let her down gently, you know."
"I know what you mean, but it's not the first time you've rejected her. Remember when you and Dara first got together?"
"Yeah, I know. I'm just worried for her sake; how many times can someone get rejected by the same person over and over again?"
"Michael, you rejected me for 17 years before we got together."
"Does it count as rejection if I didn't know you were coming onto me?"
"It's a good thing that you're cute."

I laughed.

"Okay, baby, it's late. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you."
"I love you too."

The next day, we did some team-building exercises and stuff. Of course, since the theme of the weekend seemed to be basketball, Tara decided to have us play a mid-day game.

"Okay, so I've selected the teams at random. The rosters are posted on the door. The game will begin in half an hour."

Ben didn't look happy.

"What does playing basketball have to do with USY, Mac?"
"Ben, I wanna tell you a story."
"Okay."
"I once knew a guy who could shoot from half-court if he wanted to, but he was too fundamentally sound to ever try it. He was a great player, and he was also a very smart player. The guy knew everything about the game. Then he got a shitty break because a stupid coach made the mistake of not putting him on the roster. And guess what? That team didn't win a single game all year."

Ben looked at me.

"I know what you're getting at. The kid was me."
"Well, who else? Michael Jordan?"
"You know, he did get cut from his Freshman basketball team."
"Damn straight he did, and then he became the greatest basketball player of all time."

Ben and I looked at each other again. My best friend smiled and said the exact same thing Michael Jordan said in his coming-out-of-retirement press conference: "I'm back."

Being off of the basketball court for three years didn't seem to phase Ben a bit. He could still pass, dribble, and shoot. He was unstoppable. No one could catch the great Ben Sheiner. The kids from the other team were astonished to see how great a guy who, just 24 hours ago, had no interest in being a part of the game. Our team won the game, and afterwards, Tara had some words to say to the both of us.

"Don't even try to tell me that you won't head Team Arizona."
"Madam President, say 'Hello' to Player-Coach Ben Sheiner."

In the midst of the game celebration, Rivka came up to me and put her arms around me.

"Great game, Mac-Attack."
"Thanks. Uh, Rivka, we have to talk."

Words that no one ever wants to hear.

"Rivka, I've been with Melinda for a while now. We started our slow, slow, slow process of getting together back when school started. We became official about three weeks ago."

She put her head down.

"So that's why you've been avoiding me."
"Rivka, I wish I could say I'm sorry that we can't be together, but the truth is that I'm not. I love Melinda more than I ever thought possible, and I'm gonna hold on to what I have with her as long as humanly possible."
"She's a lucky girl."
"I'm a lucky guy to have her."
"Friends, right?"
"Of course."

We hugged, and I was relieved.

Before I knew it, Sunday was here and it was time to go to the airport. The flight was incredibly long, mostly because I knew Melinda would be waiting for me at the airport.

When we got down to Baggage Claim in Phoenix, surely enough she was there.

"I missed you."
"I missed you too."

We kissed as if we hadn't seen each other in years, which is kinda how it felt.

"By the way: Congratulations, Coach Ben."
"Player-Coach Ben, to be exact. Also, you were just making out with my Assistant Coach/Starting Shooting Guard."
"Well, I've always wanted to be a groupie for star athletes."
"Hey, hey, hey. You're just a groupie for one star athlete."

We kissed again and headed out of the airport.

The happiness I felt in those moments was indescribable. In most of my years, I had gone to USY events and hooked up, only to come home without much to look forward to besides the next event. However, this time was different. This time, I truly had something to look forward to. I had Melinda, and I knew at that moment that I would continue to look forward to seeing her for the rest of my days.

Sincerely,
Mac-Attack