It was a normal Saturday night in April. Ben and I went over to By the Slice to watch the Diamondbacks game. It was a clear night, temperature at a steady 75 degrees. Perfect April weather.
Melinda usually comes with Ben and I to By the Slice, but she was babysitting. When Melinda babysits, Ben and I use the time to have deep, intellectual conversations.
"So give me the details on Lily Hayes. How far did you get???"
Okay, maybe not so deep and intellectual, but we could never talk about this stuff around Melinda. She'd freak out, call us perverts, and tell us to go jack off. The sad thing is, Ben would most definitely take it literally and find the nearest restroom.
"I can't tell you everything, Ben," I started off. "But I can tell you that everything you've ever heard about her...it's all true."
Lily Hayes was this girl I hooked up with the week before. She was easily one of the finest girls at Deer Valley High...and one of the easiest!
"Everything?"
"Everything."
"Wow. Mac, let me ask ya somethin'."
"Sure, Ben."
"How did you get so damn lucky?"
I chuckled a little bit and said: "Natural born talent, I guess."
The truth is, I really have no idea how I've been blessed with so many beautiful girls coming my way. I mean, I've been looking at my track record lately: Between January and April, I'd managed to hook up with this girl Valerie at my New Years' Party, San Diego beauty Rivka Pasternak, Julie Leiner (a date that seemed like an epic fail until she started making out with me at the very end), and most recently Lily Hayes. I had been on a roll, and it was barely even April.
"I remember when we were in 6th grade. You've always gotten the finest girls to talk to you."
"Well, Ben, it's easy to talk to girls when you're 11."
"It's apparently still as easy for you even at age 17. I mean, as long as I've known you, you've been hooking up with all the best girls."
"Well, Ben, that's not entirely true. I wasn't hooking up with girls in 6th grade."
"They all liked you, though."
"I won't argue with that."
Just then, the waitress brought us our 18 inch pizza with extra cheese.
"Thank you," I said to the waitress, who was really fine.
"Oh, it's my pleasure," she responded as she smiled and winked at me. She had a damn good smile.
Then, when she walked away: "There it is again."
"What are you talking about, Ben?"
"The hot waitress winked at you."
"She so did not."
Well, actually, she so DID.
Ben continued rambling on and on about things for the next few minutes or so, until suddenly we saw someone enter through the door.
"Holy, shit. Could it be?"
"I haven't seen her since Hebrew School graduation."
"There's just no way."
"Not a chance in the world."
"Mike Maccabbi? Ben Sheiner?"
It was her alright. Oh, of course you must be wondering who it was.
"Elisa Rosewood?"
"OMG! It is you guys!"
Elisa walked up to our table and hugged us both. Wow, did she look good.
Oh yeah, I didn't tell you who she is. Okay, so Elisa Rosewood is the first girl to ever reject me...actually, come to think of it, she's the ONLY girl to ever reject me.
It was in 7th grade. Ben, Melinda and I were in Mr. Rappaport's class. Rappaport was this old fat guy who had absolutely no patience.
Elisa was in our class too. I always thought she was cute, but then she suddenly became hot in 7th grade (so goes the trend for most girls).
"Elisa," I said, still shocked to see her. "It's been, like, four years. What brings you to By the Slice?"
"I've been working at the American Eagle Store which is really close by. I figured I'd pick something up and eat it at home...but now that I see you guys are here, I think I'll have to stay for a while!"
Her brown hair and her matching eyes had never looked so good.
"Oh, yes, please join us."
She pulled up a chair and we all began talking.
"Do you guys still hang out with Melinda?"
"Yeah, she usually comes with us every week, but she's babysitting tonight."
"I remember you three were always attached at the hip. Your brother Darrin too, Mac. How's he doing?"
"Darrin is doing well. He's in California on a choir trip right now."
"That's great. He was always a good singer."
We reminisced for a while until Ben finally opened up the floor to the inevitable category of conversation that I immediately began dreading.
"What's new with you, these days?"
This category of conversation has three parts: School, family, and of course, relationships.
"Well, I still live in Scottsdale. I'm actually attending North Scottsdale High. I run track over there and it's always so much fun."
"I've been running over at Deer Valley High for the last couple years. It's a great sport."
That was Part 1. Ben would continue the questioning.
"Tell us more. How's the family?"
Part 2 was now among us.
"Everyone is great. My brother is graduating from college this year."
"That's great. What did he major in?"
"He majored in...um, I actually don't know. He played football, though."
"Is he getting drafted to the NFL?"
"I don't think so. The NFL usually doesn't look at Community College athletes."
"Oh, I guess that would make sense."
There was a pause while we each had a slice of pizza. When Ben was done consuming, he finally asked the Part 3 question:
"What else is new with you, Elisa? Do you have a boyfriend right now?"
(Now, I know there actually wasn't any sort of long pause whatsoever, but I was thinking about making it seem more dramatic by adding a long pause. Is that okay with you?)
So there was a long pause and then Elisa finally said: "Nope, no boyfriend right now. How about you guys?"
"I'm single at the moment."
"Me too, though I'm way more single than the Mac-Attack over here."
"Is that so? How does one go about being more single than others?"
I spoke before Ben could say anything else to my 7th grade crush.
"I've been going on dates, playing the field. Unfortunately, nothing has come around for me yet."
"Oh, well, you were always a good guy. I'm sure you'll find someone."
Did she just say what I think she said?
"The NFL doesn't look at Community College athletes."
No, not that!
"You were always a good guy."
Now that's a persona I haven't carried in a long time. Being the good guy, instead of the womanizer that I had been acting like for as long as I can remember. But then I did remember 7th grade. I remembered how all I cared about was hanging with my best friends and enjoying myself. I talked to girls, but I was 12, so there's really not much you can do by means of hooking up.
Suddenly, it felt like old times. For the rest of the night, the three of us were joking, exchanging stories, remembering our times in Mr. Rappaport's class, etc. For the first time in a long time, I felt like the good guy.
It was 10:00 when By the Slice was closing. We had to leave, so we all walked out. Elisa hugged both of us and I felt a little sad. I hadn't seen Elisa since 8th grade, yet she was exactly as I remembered her.
We got into Ben's car and drove around for a little bit before he had to drop me off at my house.
"That was pretty crazy seeing Elisa, eh."
"Yeah. You know, I had the biggest crush on her in 7th grade."
"Yeah, it seems like forever ago."
He paused for a minute, and then:
"How's your latest crush?"
"Latest crush?"
"Dara Karpen."
Now there's someone that had escaped my mind since January.
"Wow, I guess I haven't thought much of her lately."
"Now that is crazy."
"Well, I've been having my fun with some different girls lately. I mean, my weekend with Rivka may as well have wiped Dara clean from my memory completely."
"Well, I'm wondering if this is a good time to tell you that she dumped that jerk she was dating."
Suddenly, we pulled up to my house. Wow, what a perfect moment to be stopped in front of a house.
"She left Ray?"
"Yeah. Last week."
"Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I was gonna tell you tonight? Why else do you think I was interrogating you about your latest affairs. I needed to know if you were still into this whole getting a girl to stick around thing."
"Wow, I guess I've been so preoccupied lately."
"Clearly. Now, there's a USY dance next week. Dara will be there."
I was listening to what my best friend was saying. Ben could be a little different sometimes, but he did have his true intellectual moments. I guess that's why he was my best friend.
"You know how Elisa told me I've always been a good guy?"
"Yeah, I was sitting right there."
"I think it's time for me to be that guy again."
I got out of the car with one thought on my mind:
Dara broke up with her asshole boyfriend. Now it's time for me to make my move, and I'll do it by being the good guy that I once was.
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
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