I love Saturday nights; it's my favorite part of the week. Mostly because there's nothing better than going to my favorite pizza place, By the Slice, and just kinda chilling. I did this on most Saturday nights, usually with Ben and Melinda. However, this particular Saturday night was gonna be different because I had a date with this real fine girl named Julie Leiner.
Ben and Melinda were kinda bummed when I told them about it on Thursday at school.
"But we go to By the Slice every week. Why can't you go out on Friday night?" Melinda said, obviously forgetting that my father the rabbi would never allow me to go out on a Friday night.
"Do you honestly think that Rabbi Maccabbi would let his son go out on a Friday night? Geez, Melinda."
"Guys," I said, "I haven't really hung out with any girls since I hooked up with Rivka last month. Her and I agreed not to do the long-distance thing, so I might as well be putting myself out there."
"You've hung out with girls. You hang out with ME all the time."
"He means that he hasn't hung out with any girls and DONE anything with them."
"And what are you planning on DOING with Julie?"
"I don't know yet."
"Rumor has it that she hooked up with Drew Garret in December."
"Wow, I'm kinda jealous now."
"Really, I always figured you were more of a Joe Brickard type of girl."
"Well, Joe is really cute too. Didn't Julie hook up with him in October?"
"I think it was over Thanksgiving actually."
"Not that I don't enjoy hearing you guys talk about the hookups of my date on Saturday night, but..."
"Oh, god. I'm sorry, Michael. I'm sure she's great."
"Let's ask Tommy Harrison, they dated for a month Freshman year!"
"Ben!"
"Sorry, Mac. She's just got kind of a reputation."
"So what? I have a reputation, but you guys don't hear people talking about me hooking up with Carrie Wilcox."
"Of course we do. You have a reputation for hooking up with girls...but Carrie has a reputation of being ONE of those girls."
"I rest my case. I'll see you guys later."
The bell rang and I got on with the rest of the day. Friday went by quickly, and then Saturday came. I must say, I suddenly became very nervous. I know I have a reputation, but I began to wonder what Julie had heard about me. I tried not to worry about it as I drove to her house and picked her up.
I pulled up to her driveway and rang her doorbell. She answered the door and she looked hot, wearing a hot pink tank-top, jeans, and flip-flops. Perfect attire for pizza.
"Hi, Julie," I said. "You look great."
"Thanks, Mac," she responded. "So do you."
We got in the car and headed toward By the Slice. There wasn't much dialogue, so I broke the silence by saying:
"So I'm glad we could finally do this."
"Me too. I knew it was only a matter of time before you asked me out."
"You're quite confidant. I like that in a girl."
"Well, I just know how you are with girls."
At that point, I turned left to get into the parking lot of By the Slice. I parked the car and we went into the restaurant. I ordered the usual, a 16 inch pizza with extra cheese. I payed of course, because I'm a gentleman and all.
"Wow, you payed. You're such a gentleman."
"I don't like to let the girl pay for the meal. I hope you don't mind."
"Not at all. I actually heard that you always pay for the meal."
This was the second time she had said something like that. I decided to just blow it off and say:
"Well, 8 bucks an hour at TBZ is a pretty good way to make some money."
"Is that the synagogue you go to?"
"Yeah, my dad is the rabbi there."
"What do you do there?"
"I mostly answer the phone in his office. It's extremely easy, all I have to do is say: "Rabbi Maccabbi's office, this is Michael."
She giggled a little bit.
"You ever get any strange calls?"
"Well, Mrs. Goldstone sometimes calls to thank us for doing such a wonderful job at her son's bar-mitzvah...that happened 30 years ago."
"Sounds like she's senile."
"She is, but she's a nice lady. Most of the old people are pretty cool. They sort of grow on you when you spend so much time at the synagogue."
"Like Mr. and Mrs. Adelberg?"
"You know the Adelbergs?"
Harry and Ruth Adelberg were the nicest elderly couple. In fact, they introduced me to their hot granddaughter Jill.
"I went to summer camp with their granddaughter Jill."
"I met Jill a couple summers ago. She was really cool."
"Yeah, she told me about you."
"Really? What did Jill tell you about me?"
"The same thing that most girls have told me about you."
"And what's that?"
"Nothing really, just that your sort of a...womanizer."
I can't say that I was offended, because she was telling the truth about me. She wasn't even done yet.
"Jill told me that you took her out and threw all sorts of lines at her. Talking about perfect moments and all that as if you were a true romantic."
She laughed a little, because she obviously thought it was funny. I, however, was a little insulted by this.
"I'll have you know that I really liked Jill and we had a ton of fun."
"Oh, don't get me wrong. She told me that it was one of the best dates she ever went on. She even believed most of what you told her about life and love and all that nonsense."
"Nonsense? What nonsense?"
"Well, did you not do the same thing when you hooked up with Rachel Braddock or Emma Varney?"
Now she was letting me have it. But then:
"Don't even get me started on the whole Carrie Wilcox fiasco."
"Okay, Julie. I see what this is. You went out with me tonight so you could remind me of my foolishness in the world of love."
"Foolishness in the world of love? So typical of you."
"What?"
"To take something like your womanizing and making it sound like you really care."
I was a little iritated now.
"I think I'm going to take you home now, Julie. I've had enough pizza for one Saturday night."
I drove her back to her house, and we pulled into the driveway. Before she got out, I needed to say something:
"Listen, Julie. I know you've heard some things, but I'm not a bad guy. I'm actually a really nice guy, and that's probably why I have been able to spend time with the girls that I have. I wish that you could've looked past all that because I think we could've had a lot of fun tonight."
It was silent for a second, and then she kissed me.
"What was that for?"
"That was the best line I've ever heard, and it made me want to kiss you."
"It wasn't a...oh, what the hell."
So we made out, probably for 15 minutes before she got out of the car. Sure, she thought I was a jackass who only cared about hooking up with as many girls as I could. She was wrong about me, and Julie Leiner and I never went out after that night. In fact, I can't remember ever actually talking to her after that night!
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
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