"You made out with her and you didn't get her name?" was the only comment Ben made about my latest hook-up with a random girl at my killer New Years' Eve party that I had just thrown the night before.
It was definitely a fair question to ask. He was right; I did make out with a girl at midnight, and I didn't get her name.
"I told you, Ben, it was completely random. She sat down next to me, told me she was friends with B's girl, and..."
But before I could finish, Ben said: "Mac, that's it!"
"What's it?"
"If this girl is a friend of B's girl, then I guarantee that B must know who it was!"
Ben always had a way of being logical about that type of stuff, for instance:
"Do what I always do."
"What's that?"
"Sit at home, jack off and ponder why I'm still single!"
Ok, never mind. He wasn't consistently logical, but he was consistent enough.
"Ben, it's really not that big of a deal."
"Mac, this stuff NEVER happens to you."
Actually, these type of things ALWAYS happen to me, but for the sake of agreement, I just nodded my head at the statement.
"So we go to B's house and we ask him about the mystery girl who is friend's with his girl?"
"Does that sound complicated to you?"
"Aside from the fact that there were tons of girls at my party that we didn't know?"
"Mac, there were lots of girls. But I guarantee B would know who it was that you hooked up with...the guy knows about pretty much EVERY girl you hook up with!"
Ben was right. One thing about B is that, for years, he has been pretty much obsessed with the whole idea of the Mac-Attack and everything about it. He always tried to keep me up to date on who wanted to hook up with me and who I hadn't hooked up with yet. When a new girl came to WCUSY, B was always the first to tell me. However, the strange thing was that he got just as many girls as I did, and he was obesely overweight!
After we had cleaned up the mess in my parents' living room, Ben and I drove down to Tempe, where B lived. It's a cool town; a college town, you know. The synagogue that B goes to, Congregation Am Yisrael, is right near ASU.
Now, B lived in a huge house. I'd been there several times when he would throw parties and stuff, particularly during the summer. We arrived at his huge house around 1:00, just in time to catch him having lunch.
He answered the door and looked surprised.
"Mac, Ben, what are you guys doing here?"
"B, we have a problem."
Ben looked at me strangely.
"Okay. I have a problem."
"Okay, come on in."
His house was very nice on the inside. For the most part, I had only ever spent time in his backyard, where his parties were. He led us to a huge dining room where we saw three plates of fries at B's chair.
To be honest, I wasn't sure why there were two extra plates of fries, but then I remembered that B is a big guy!
"You may wonder why I have two extra plates of fries. Remember, I'm a big guy."
I rest my case.
"So, gentlemen," he said as he scarfed down what seemed like three handfulls in one, "What can I help you with?"
"Well," I said, "At Midnight last night, I found myself making out with a mysterious girl who said she came with you and Jenny. I didn't get the girl's name."
"She was hot." Ben blurted out...but that shouldn't be a surprise for him. All the girls I make out with are hot.
"Do you know who it might have been?"
"Well, Mac, if you recall, Jenny and I were otherwise occupied throughout most of the party."
I remembered; as soon as they got to the party, Jenny was ready to go down on him.
"You know what, let me give Jenny a call and she can give you the details on your midnight girl...JENNY!!!"
I guess he was being literal when he said "call".
Jenny came down the stairs, looking hot as can be wearing a pink top and white booty shorts. It never ceased to amaze me and Ben when it came to the hot girls that B went out with.
"Good morning, sexy." Jenny said as she gave B a kiss.
"Good morning to you too!" Ben said, apparently not realizing who she was referring to as "sexy". I didn't blame him; I can't imagine why ANY girl finds B to be "sexy".
"Oh, hi guys."
At the same time, me and Ben kinda blurted: "Nisehtahsawewgen", roughly translated to mean "Nice to see you again, Jenny."
"Jenny, my boy Mac here needs your help."
About ten seconds later, when I could think straight, I said: "Yes, I need your help."
"I understand completely, Mac. You need my help for the next time you throw a party; B didn't tell me he told you that I do some party-planning."
"IT WAS AN AWESOME PARTY!" I blurted out, causing everyone to look at me strangely.
It reminded me of what my Midnight girl had said to me when we first met:
"How's it going?"
"I'm okay. A little bored, this party is kinda lame."
I thought it was a fun party. Sue me if I didn't have a NACHO CHEESE FOUNTAIN!!!
"Jenny, I need to know about this girl I met last night. She said she came to the party with you and B, and..."
"Oh, you're thinking of Valerie!"
I paused.
"Valerie?"
"Yes, she's one of my best friends. She didn't say anything about meeting you, though."
"Really?"
"Yeah, she just said that she made out with some random guy."
"That's all?"
"She said that whoever threw the party needed a proper party-planner."
I rest my case. NO MORE PARTIES!
"Can I, maybe, have her number?"
"Uh...Mac, you see, Valerie just got out of a relationship. She was with this guy Randy for three months, and she really liked him."
"Oh."
"Plus, she lives in Phoenix. Who would want to date anyone who lives in the city of Phoenix?"
"I live in Phoenix!"
"Jenny, I think this might be a good time for you to step out and let me talk to my friends." B finally jumped in.
"Okay, I'll be waiting in the bedroom."
She went back upstairs.
"Are your parents EVER home?" Ben said after Jenny was upstairs.
B gave my best friend a strange look and then looked at me and calmly said: "Listen, Mac, you probably don't want to get yourself involved with this Valerie girl. I didn't get a good vibe from her."
"You know, you're probably right. I had a lot of fun with her."
"I'm sure you did. She seemed to have had fun too."
"I guess, maybe I thought it could be the start of something."
"Mac, what has gotten into you? It's never been the start of something for you, and you've always been okay with it."
"I said the same thing to him, B."
"Ben, you've never said that to me ever."
"Well, I was thinking it."
We didn't stay much longer. It was around 2:00; we could be back at my house by 2:45, 3:00 depending on traffic. As we rode in Ben's car, we talked about the events of last night, and we suddenly got on the subject of someone I hadn't thought of all day. Dara Karpen, the girl who I had originally intended to kiss at midnight.
"So did you meet her boyfriend?"
"Yeah, he was an ass. His only comment to me was that I needed valet parking on my street."
"You still want her, eh."
"I wasn't even thinking about Dara, Ben. I mean, I guess I thought that if I could get something started with my midnight girl, I would forget about Dara completely."
"Mac, I'm your best friend. You can tell me anything. Why all of a sudden are you only going after one girl? That's not like you."
I looked at my best friend. All I could say really was: "After Rivka Pasternak, I suddenly started noticing that I've hooked up with all these girls, but I can never find one that will stick around for a while. Carrie Wilcox wouldn't even leave her boyfriend to see where things would go with me."
"Yeah, and she had like three of them during that year and a half."
"Four actually."
It was silent for a little bit, until we pulled up to my house. Ben looked at me and said: "You'll get Dara. I'm gonna help ya, because I know that she's the only one that you want."
"Ben, I don't think it's gonna happen."
"Mac, we're gonna make it happen. Leave it to me."
I wasn't sure how to respond to it; I hardly even knew how serious he could've been being. But, for the sake of agreement, I just said: "Okay, Ben."
As I got out of the car and started heading into my house, I suddenly had a lot to think about:
Who was this Valerie girl and what was her story?
What was Ben thinking about doing that could possibly convince Dara to leave her boyfriend for me?
And most importantly:
Was my party really as lame as people were saying?????
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment