A Purim Play in the Life of the Mac-Attack

Over the past month, ever since Rabbi Moon was hired to be the associate rabbi at Temple Beth Zion, things in the office had been really tense. My dad had gotten extremely paranoid to the point that he would start sweating every time a phone call would go through.

"Rabbi Maccabbi's office; this is Michael speaking."
"Oh my God! Who is it? Is it bad? Do I still have a job?"
"It's the pizza delivery guy. He wants to know whether to bring the pizzas to the front desk or to your office."

He sighed in relief.

"He can bring them straight to the office. I'm starving."

It was Wednesday when this exchange happened. All week, we had been working late to prepare for Purim, the Jewish holiday in which we celebrate a queen named Esther who saved the Jews from an evil guy named Haman with the help of her uncle, Mordecai.

"Okay, so I want you and Josh to assign some parts to the Senior Staff members for the Purim play."

Our Religion/Education Officer, Josh Mauer, had proposed we start a theatre troup sponsored by USY. As USY President, it was my job to oversee the project, so when Josh sent me the script the previous week, I started working right away. He would be the artistic director and we would collaborate on the casting.


"We'll talk about it when he gets here shortly, and then we'll address it again at the board--"
"I...have arrived."

He always knew how to make an entrance...he also always knew how to make it obvious that he was a flaming homosexual.

"Meeting." I said, finishing my sentence.
"Hi, Josh."
"Bonjourno, Rabbi."
"We were just discussing you."
"Well, what's not to discuss? I'm fabulous!"
"You certainly are--can we get to work?"
"All work and no play? Seriously, Mac-Attack, how do you live?"
"I eat, I sleep, I shit, and I breathe."

Josh began laughing hysterically at my comment. He also began touching my arm in a way that made me uncomfortable. My dad gave me a strange look before sneaking out of the office and leaving me alone with Josh.

"Ahem."
"Okay. Sorry. So, did you have any suggestions?"
"Actually, my dad just suggested that we assign some roles to the Senior Staff. Now I think--"
"But I thought I was gonna be the star."

I was annoyed by the fact that Josh interrupted me.

"Josh, if you'd like the role of Mordecai--"
"Mordecai isn't the lead!"
"He's a bigger role than the king, Josh, and he's a great character."

He gave me a look of disgust.

"I think that I'm entitled to play Esther."
"The queen?"
"Positively. I feel like I can easily identify with her."

Well, I couldn't argue with that statement...both of them were queens.

"Uh...okay. With you being Esther, who would you like to play your Uncle Mordecai?"
"Well, the obvious choice for Mordecai is Rabbi Maccabbi."
"Alright, cool. My dad will be pleased. Now we need a villain. Is there a Haman in mind?"
"Actually, there is. It might be fun to have Rabbi against Rabbi."

He was suddenly silent. It was clear that he was fantasizing about Rabbi Moon.

"Uh...Josh?"
"Oh, sorry. I was just--thinking."
"I'm sure you were. Anyway, so we're gonna go ahead and cast Rabbi Moon as Haman?"
"Oh yeah. That'll be good."

He began to daydream again. I will be honest and say that all the estrogen in the room made me a bit nauseous. I'm not a homophobe, but it can be a little much sometimes.

"Uh, so since you're playing Esther the Queen, who would you like to have as your king?"

Quite frankly, I was surprised he didn't want Rabbi Moon to be King Ahashverosh.

"Well, I'd like another USYer in there. You're brother is into performing arts, right?"
"Yeah. Darrin is in choir."
"No, not Darrin. Your other brother."
"JT?"
"Yeah. He has such good fashion sense."
"I suppose he does...that's a really random reason."
"But a reason nonetheless."
"Uh, okay then. Well, look at the time. I think we should join the rest of the board in the conference room now."

I got up quickly and we walked to the conference room. It was a short walk, but listening to Josh talk about the mens' figure skating finals made the walk seem longer.

"And then Evan Lysacek won the gold and it was magical."
"Isn't that special? Hello, fellow board members."

I spoke with a sense of urgency as all of my devoted board members sat down at the table.

"Okay, so the Purim play is this weekend. Josh and I have cast the show and will be holding rehearsals tomorrow and Friday. We need a couple volunteers to run lights and sound."
"Not me, Macko. The Italians and the theatre don't mix!"

Tony Abromi always had a way with talking out of his ass.

"I hope you know that the anicient Romans originated the art of Mime."
"Who asked you, Toots?"
"Do not call me Toots."

Tony had hooked up with Amanda Braun back in September. Since then (actually, even before then), the two enjoyed getting into pointless arguments about Tony's Italian heritage.

"That's enough, you two. Tony, you will run lights. Amanda, you will assist him."
"What?"
"Now it's a party."
"Mac, with all due respect, I--"
"No argument. You two will be working lights. Now, we need someone to work sound."
"I can do it."

Sharon Stone was definitely one of the more reliable members on our board.

"Thank you, Sharon. That just leaves me and Ben to work backstage."
"I meant to ask you about that, Mac. What exactly does that entail?"
"We'll be the stage managers. Our job is to make sure the show is running smoothly."
"That doesn't sound like much fun."
"We get to wear cool headsets."
"Count me in! I'll be the best damn Stage Manager you've ever seen!"

He was suddenly excited, and I was happy about the general enthusiasm that everyone had.

"So, Mackie boy, who's a-playin' who?"
"Tony, I'm glad you asked. Josh and I put our heads together and decided that the king would be played by my brother JT, Haman would be played by Rabbi Moon, and Mordecai will be played by my dad."
"And the queen?"
"That would be me."

He took a bow with excitement. Everybody looked at me with disgust.

"That's, uh, a pretty good cast you got there, Macko."
"Thank you, Tony."
"Actually, I had a suggestion."
"Okay. What do you suggest?"
"I think we should switch it so that Rabbi Moon is playing Mordecai and Rabbi Maccabbi is playing Haman."

My dad playing the villain? No way. Not in a million years.

"If I may ask, Sharon, why make the change?"
"I just see Rabbi Moon as more of a Mordecai."
"Sharon, Mordecai is Esther's uncle. The guy can't even grow a mustache for crying out loud!"
"I'm just saying that I see Rabbi Maccabbi as more of a Haman than a Mordecai."

Suddenly, everyone began agreeing. Even Ben was nodding his head, and he had known my dad for years. There's a lot I can say about my dad, and the one thing I cannot say is that he is a Haman.

"You know, Mac, I kinda like that. Sorta an "out with the old, in with the new" sort of thing."

Obviously, Josh forgot that Rabbi Maccabbi is related to me, Michael Maccabbi. Knowing the stress in my father's life due to the addition to Rabbi Moon, I figured the last thing he needed was to be presented as a villain in front of the entire synagogue.

I chose not to tell him about it until I got a chance to speak with Ben about the situation the next day at school.

"I think you're overreacting, Mac-Attack. It's just a part in a play. Did everyone hate Robin Williams after he played the bad guy in August Rush?"
"I never saw August Rush."
"You really should. Hey, maybe we can rent it this weekend!"
"Ben."

He remembered the task at hand.

"Sorry. The point is, maybe your dad would enjoy playing Haman. I mean, the villain would be a fun role to be. Imagine how much fun Robin Williams had in August Rush."
"I just told you I never saw that movie."
"That's a tragedy in itself. Freddie Highmore won a Saturn Award for it."
"What the fuck is a Saturn Award?"
"No idea. It's on IMDB, though."
"You're an idiot."

That afternoon was the first rehearsal. I still had yet to tell my dad that he would be playing Haman. However, when I got to the synagogue, it was apparent that Rabbi Moon wasted no time getting into character.

"Hey, Michael! Do I look 'Mordecai' enough for you?"

He was wearing a fake beard. To be honest, he looked like a Class A tool.

"You look great, Rabbi. I love the beard!"
"I hoped you would. Where's your dad? It's gonna be epic between he and I."

As if on cue, I saw my father walk in.

"Hey, Haman!"

My father didn't seem to understand that Rabbi Moon was referring to him.

"Did you call me Haman?"
"Yes, yes he did."

I felt awkward.

"Dad, I'd like you to meet Mordecai. I suppose you'll be playing Haman."
"The villain?"
"It's a great role."

I felt uneasy.

"How much time do we have until rehearsal?"
"10 minutes."
"Great. Can I see you in my office?"

Without alotting me time to respond, he grabbed me by the shoulder and led me into his office.

"What are you doing to me, Michael?!"
"It wasn't me, Dad. It was the board."
"Don't you have any backbone?"
"Josh agreed too. He's the artistic director. I'm just the board president."
"And what about my board? Jerry Sternberg is gonna have a field day when he sees that Rabbi Moon is the hero? As for me, my son, I'm the villain. The villain!"

He sunk down into his chair and began to cry. As soon as I saw the tears on his face, I decided that it was just too much. I went straight to his desk and got in his face.

"Art thou not an actor?"
"I'm not an actor...I'm a rabbi."

I then decided that I would try to motivate him using tough love.

"Alright, Big Al. Get off your ass! Now!"

He gave me a strange look. I had never spoken to him that way, and while it would've been motivational in any circumstance...he was my dad. I totally violated Exodus 20:12!

"Uh, sorry."
"No, I quite enjoyed being verbally abused by my son. Please, continue."

His sarcasm was as sharp as ever.

"Listen, Dad, it really is just a role in a play. Plus, it could be fun. I mean, you did theatre in high school, right? Didn't you ever play the villain?"

He thought for a second before speaking again.

"Actually, I played Iago when we did 'Othello'."
"And did everyone hate you for it?"
"No."
"So do you think people will hate you for playing the villain? People embrace their villains. I mean, nobody hated Robin Williams when he was the villain in August Rush!"
"I never saw that movie."
"Neither did I...did anyone see that movie?"
"I'm sure some people saw it."

As this tangent went on, I realized we were five minutes late for rehearsal.

"Shit! Uh, I mean--shoot. We have to get to rehearsal."

With my motivation, my father soon embraced his role as Haman and began to have some fun with it. It's a funny thing about acting. Once you're into character, you actually become that character. When I looked at the stage, I didn't see Al Maccabbi; I saw Haman, the Jew-Hating Exterminator and confindante to King Ahashverosh. And Rabbi Moon was an amazing Mordecai. Sitting at an audience perspective, it was very easy to root for Rabbi Moon over my dad...which could've easily been a problem.

The next day, before rehearsal, I confronted JT about the situation.

"It's just a role in a play, Michael."
"I know, I know. But he's so paranoid about Rabbi Moon. I think he may be on to something."
"They can't do anything right now. His contract isn't even up for negotiation until May."
"Still, you never know what goes on behind closed doors."
"He's doing a great job, Michael. I think you should just let him have his moment. I, for one, am enjoying every minute of this!"

He looked back and saw Josh. The two exchanged smiles.

"So, like I was saying, don't worry about this. The show must go on and Dad will be the most fabulous Haman that ever lived. It's gonna be delicious."
"As delicious as puke."

I walked away and saw Ben stuffing his face with hamantashen, a traditional pastry that is always eaten on Purim.

"This is the best part of Purim."
"Somehow, I'm not in the mood for hamantashen."

Ben was taken aback.

"How can you say such a thing? It's hamantashen! The official baked good of Purim!"
"Good advertising."
"What's your mood? Aren't you excited about our headsets."
"Very. But I realized yesterday that this play is gonna come across to people as 'Rabbi Moon=Hero/Rabbi Maccabbi=Zero'!"
"Aren't you being overdramatic?"
"Okay, watch today's rehearsal closely and tell me you don't see it. I found myself rooting against my own father yesterday!"
"Well, this sounds serious."
"You think?"

My dad skipped into rehearsal in high spirits, excited to take the stage.

"What have I done, Ben?"
"You've given him a role that he's proud of, Mac. I say you let him go on. I think you're just overreacting to the situation."

Maybe I was. Maybe I was all worked up for nothing. Actors play heroes and villains all the time. Hell, John Leguizamo played Tybalt in "Romeo & Juliet" and also played Sid in "Ice Age". My father was just acting, as was Rabbi Moon. There was no possible way that the board wouldn't see it that way.

The next night was the night of the performance. Members from Temple Beth Zion flooded in. Before the show started, I was asked to say a few words for the crowd.

"Hello, everyone."

There was some applause.

"I hope you all enjoy our play. I'm sure you'll recognize quite a few of the faces that you'll be seeing on stage tonight. Before we begin, I'd like to thank our youth director, Maryl, who sponsored this event. I'd also like to thank both the rabbis for their participation. Their involvement in the production has been huge for our USY Program. I'd also like to acknowledge Tony and Amanda up in the light booth as well as Sharon who is working the sound board. That's all I have to say. Enjoy the show!"

There was another round of applause as the curtain opened. The opening scene was an exchange between JT and my dad (the king and Haman).

"Now that I have bannished my wife, Vashti, by means of a royal divorce, what do you think I should do?"
"Have a party! You're single now!"
"Besides that, Haman. I need a queen. Someone who is 1000 times better than that vile woman whom with I once shared marital relations."

It was now that the audience started rolling on the floor with laughter.

"Yoo-hoo. King Ahashverosh! I can be your queen!"
"Well, hello. Who might you be?"
"Call me Esther."
"Maybe I can call you my wife."

The audience continued to laugh hysterically at the "romantic" exchange.

"I'd be honored, your majesty."
"Call me Ahashverosh."

There was more hooting and hollering and even some cat-calls as the two actors were moving closer.

"I'll call you my husband."

They moved even closer.

"Sounds like a plan...Esther."

I suddenly realized what was happening.

"Shit! Pull the curtain down!!!"
"Why?"
"Because they aren't acting! Just do it!"

The curtain came down as the two love-birds were about to smooch. The audience laughed, for they assumed that it was just an illusion.

"Why'd you close the curtain?"
"To keep up the illusion. That was highly inappropriate. It wasn't even in the script!"
"It was in our script."
"You guys rewrote the play?"
"Back in Shakesperian times, men always played the leading lady."
"And they kissed?"
"Why wouldn't they?"
"Because it's gross."

I couldn't tell if the two of them were gay or just really passionate actors.

"It's not gross to us."

That answered my question. They were definitely gay.

"Well, this has been...educational."
"Mac, we need to open the curtain and get the next scene going."
"Okay. JT and Josh, you are both great actors. However, I am asking you to not kiss on stage."
"Okay, fine."
"I'll just have to meet you after the show, Josh."
"Do what you have to do. But get on stage. Now!"

The next scene was between Esther and Mordecai.

"Hello, Uncle."
"Hello, Neice. How are you?"
"I am well. I just got married."
"Mazel Tov."

Suddenly, Haman entered.

"Does this man mean to harm you, fair Queen?"
"Not at all, good astrologer. This man is my uncle."
"Uncle?"
"How do you do? Mordecai is the name."
"He must be an imposter, your highness. This man is a Jew."

The audience started booing at Haman, as they likely would during Purim.

"And I'm not sure if you've heard, but I recently decreed that all Jews will be killed. Including this man, your supposed Uncle Mordecai."
"No! You can't!"
"I can. I'm the king's right-hand man, you see."
"Not so fast!"

The king appeared.

"Haman, by the power of my royal highness, I sentence you to death!"

The audience began to cheer as the gallows were brought out onto the stage. The play ended with a black-out as Haman stepped into the noose.

After the show, the whole cast, as well as me and Ben, were getting all sorts of praise. Josh and JT were getting the most praise for the "illusion" that they presented on stage.

At the after-party, there were all types of foods and sodas. My twin brother Darrin approached me to discuss our younger brother's performance.

"So...it wasn't exactly acting, was it?"
"Nope. I think they are an item."

We immediately saw JT and Josh leave the room together. Darrin raised his glass.

"To the happy couple."
"Cheers."

I looked over my shoulder to see that my dad and Rabbi Moon were posing for a picture together. Afterwards, Jerry Sternberg, the synagogue president, approached the two of them.

"Fantastic performances to both of you."
"Thanks, Jerry."
"Yeah, it was a lot of fun."
"It looked like a lot of fun. Perfect casting too."

He paused.

"It was almost...believable."

He walked away, and my dad's good mood evaporated.

"What do you think he meant by that, Michael?"
"I'm not sure."

I looked at my father and then at Darrin.

"But I have a feeling that it isn't good."

My father's facial expression displayed the same paranoia that I had seen on his face since Rabbi Moon was first hired. It wasn't a facial expression that I enjoyed seeing. At that moment, I had a strange feeling that I would be seeing that facial expression consistently for quite a while thereafter.

Sincerely,
Mac-Attack

A Valentines Day Game in the Life of the Mac-Attack

Happy Single-Awareness Day!!!

By Single-Awareness Day, I mean Valentines Day. I hate Valentines Day. Seriously, there is no day out of the entire year that I hate more. It's funny because you're probably thinking "This guy is a player. I'm sure he always has someone on Valentines Day", well you're WRONG. It's actually a pretty lonely day because most women don't just want a hook-up on Valentines Day. They actually prefer to sit at home and watch romantic comedies starring Hugh Grant. As for me, I usually end up looking through my phone book to call some girl who I probably won't ever see agan, but who I once had a good time with.

About a month ago, I found out that there would be a USY event in Los Angeles over Valentines Day this year. I also found out that the weekend would conclude with a basketball game between Team Phoenix and the Los Angeles A-Team, led by my good friend Jake Josephson. The Thursday before the weekend, we had our final team meeting before travelling to L.A.

"Okay, bring it in."

Ben and I had been spending the last two weeks focusing on getting a good game-plan going. We hoped that some of the new plays that he wrote out would work.

"Now, one thing we did really well against Team Vegas was managing the clock during the game. We need to continue doing that. Make all your lay-ups, and take your time with free throws. If you see a shot, take it. If you don't see a shot, you need to pass the ball to someone who does."
"These guys won't be as tough as the boys from Vegas. We aren't the underdogs now, but don't get cocky. These guys are good. The result of this game will determine what seed we'll be in the Passover Tournament."
"And also, this isn't our home court. Whatever you do, do not show these boys too much respect out there. The general population will be rooting for the home-team. Let's give them something to be disappointed about!"

We got some cheers from our teammates as we brought our hands in.

The team started cheering again.

"Take your laps and hit the showers! We'll see you all at the airport tomorrow. 11 AM; don't be late!"

Ben sat down at the bench and started reviewing the playbook.

"Ben, stop worrying. We've got this game."
"How sure can you be, Mac?"
"Jake Josephson is a great guy, but the only sport he really knows about is Tonsil Hockey."

I was alluding to Jake's relationship with our friend (and Regional USY President) Tara Hudson.

"Yeah, he does know a lot about that...although he may be out of practice."
"Huh?"
"I talked to Gahl last night...Jake and Tara broke up."
"Haha. That's very funny."
"I'm not joking. They broke up last week."
"You're telling me that the captains of Team PDA are no longer together?"
"Isn't that what I just said?"
"That's weird. I just talked to Tara three days ago. She didn't say anything about it."
"How long did you guys talk for?"
"5 minutes."
"There you go."
"I was calling to find out the procedure for the weekend. I do it before every USY Weekend."
"I'm sure you didn't talk about your break-up with Melinda."
"We didn't talk about anything personal. There wasn't time."
"So you didn't ask how things were with Jake."
"No--oh, that's why she didn't say anything about it."
"DING DING DING! We have a winner! Charlie, tell him what he's won!"
"Ben, who the fuck is Charlie?"
"Nevermind."

Just then, Ben's girlfriend Sam Bernstein approached the bench and kissed her man.

"Hey."
"You ready to go?"
"Yeah. I'm ready."

My best friend hugged me.

"See you at the airport."
"Yeah, dude. I love you, no homo."
"No homo, love you too."

As I got ready to go to sleep that night, I suddenly felt my phone vibrate. I saw that I had a text from a 702 number.

"Who could be texting me from Nevada?"

I looked at the text message. It said "Guess Who".

"I have no idea who."

I texted the mystery person back: "Who?"

About a minute later, I got a text saying: "Who's the coolest girl you ever met from Las Vegas?"

I thought for a minute. Suddenly, I decided to venture one possible guess: "Brittany Zieglar? Is that you?"

I got a text back with nothing but a :).

I dialed the number into my phone and called her.

"Hello, Mac-Attack."
"Brittany, wow. It's been months."
"I know."
"How'd you get my number? I never gave it to you?"
"I have my ways...half the girls in my chapter have your number."

I had almost forgotten that I was no stranger to the beautiful women of Kehilat B'Nai Yisrael in Vegas.

"Of course."
"So, I'm sorry I couldn't be at the big game last month. How did it feel to take down that pussy Steve?"
"Schuckman? Well, he sure showed us that you are what you eat. He is a pussy."
"Cute."
"I thought it was funny."
"It was."
"Alright."

It was such a random encounter. Brittany Zieglar was definitely the last woman I would've expected to hear from. The last time I had seen her was in September, over the course of the USY Camping Trip. We had a few moments, but nothing happened between the two of us. I'd be lying if I said she hadn't entered my mind since then.

"So, will you be there this weekend?"
"In L.A.?"
"No; in Peru. Of course I mean L.A."
"Yes, I will be there."
"What a coincidence. So will I."
"Hey, you'll get to see my basketball game."
"Lucky me."

I looked at the time and saw that it was almost midnight.

"I hate to cut this short, but it's late and I got a flight to catch in the morning."
"Goodnight, then. I'll see you in L.A."

I got chills as I hung up the phone. She had a sexy voice, and she was even sexier in person. Her hair was long and had incredible shade of blonde. Her lips looked soft and her eyes were perfectly blue. She was one of those free-spirit types, with a very 60s-esque wardrobe. It worked for her, though. There was nothing about her physical appearance that wasn't absolutely perfect.

I decided to discuss the matter with Ben while we were on the flight to Los Angeles.

"We have a game in 48 hours. And you're thinking about a GIRL?"
"Ben, the Los Angeles A-Team should be the least of our concerns right now. They got their asses kicked by San Diego, and San Diego sucks."
"Not the point, Mac."
"Listen, Ben. I dont know what to do. I mean, she seemed interested on the phone, but she's always been somewhat indifferent to me. I can't tell if she's teasing."
"She is pretty hot."
"That's an understatement, Ben."

We got to L.A. about an hour later, in time for lunch. Ben and I met up with our friends Gahl Sinai and Max Altman. As we sat and ate our kosher pizza, Jake Josephson approached us.

"Hi."

He looked depressed.

"How are ya, Jake?"
"Eh."

He was obviously devastated over his break-up with Tara.

"Have a seat, Jake. Eat some kosher pizza."
"Eh."

It was quiet before Max, Gahl and I got up and left Ben alone with our heartbroken friend.

"Um, so, you ready for the game? I think--"
"I MISS TARA!"

Jake began crying as he held onto Ben.

"Um, there there?"

As Jake cried on Ben, I was with my California wingmen looking for Brittany Zieglar.

"You're telling me that the Vegas Hippie wants you?"
"It's weird, I know."
"Well, the Vegas kids arrived about 15 minutes ago. She shouldn't be far."

We continued to walk around looking for her. Suddenly, the subject of the game came up.

"So, you think you'll win against our boys?"
"I'm confident. How much does Jake know about basketball?"
"Not a lot, but his assistant coach does."
"Do you guys know him?"
"Yeah, he's in our chapter. Scary dude."
"Really. How scary could he be?"

Suddenly, a very muscular teenager with an estimated height of 6 feet and 4 inches approached us.

"Sinai. Altman."
"Rosenberg."
"Rosenberg."
"Rosenberg? As in Alex Rosenberg?"
"Yeah. Who are you?"
"Michael Maccabbi."

We had met one weekend several years ago at a USY weekend.

"Kadima Kinnus in 5th grade. We were bunk mates."

He seemed to vaguely remember.

"Ah, the Mac-Attack. Right?"
"Yeah."

I put my hand out for him to shake it. He gave a strange look.

"You're the Assistant Coach for Team Phoenix?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I'm the Assistant Coach for Los Angeles. You're going down!"

He very quickly walked away with a horrible look on his face.

"So...that's the assistant coach?"
"He's also the point guard."
"Great. With a guy like that, how did they lose to San Diego?"
"He sat out. His hand was hurt."
"And it's better now?"
"Yup."
"Great."

In the midst of everything, I suddenly heard the voice of an angel calling my name.

"Mac-Attack!"

I turned around and she jumped into my arms. Brittany Zieglar, in the flesh.

"Hello, Brittany."
"How are you?"
"Stressed."
"I'll bet I can help with that."

The tone of her voice was very seductive.

"I'd like you to help with that."

Before she could help with that, Ben came running to me. He was out of breath.


"We need to have a team meeting."
"Now?"
"Now."


I looked at Brittany.



"We'll catch up later."


I kissed her on the cheek and went off with Ben. We gathered the team around.


"Okay, everyone. I was just introduced to the Assistant Coach for Los Angeles...we're screwed."


Ben got down into the fetal position and started shaking.


"Okay, guys. Ben is panicking right now. But that doesn't mean you guys should follow his example."


Instead of listening to me, they all began to panic. After about five minutes, I got out my whistle and blew it at them.


"Off your asses, RIGHT NOW."


They followed orders. Ben slowly got up as well.


"Now listen to me! That intimidation tactic might work with some, but NOT with us. DO YOU HEAR ME?"


They didn't react.


"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"


They all said: "Yes, Coach."


"Now, we have a game to play on Sunday. We have 48 hours to rest up for it. You can do one of two things: 1. You can pussy out and can forfeit the game because you're scared and you have no pride!!!"


I was really steaming up at this point. My face was red and I felt like I was gonna throw a chair at them. However, there was no chair around so I couldn't.


"Or, you can go with the second option. You can show up on Sunday and play the way that I know you can. ARE YOU GUYS GONNA ACT LIKE A BUNCH OF LITTLE BITCHES??? ARE YOU???"


They were speechless.


"If you are, then why the hell did you guys even come here?"


I started walking out.


"I don't know about you, but I'll be playing basketball on Sunday. If you guys care to join me, you're more than welcome to."


I spent the rest of the night feeling very out of my element. I had stressed myself out to the point that it was really hard to have fun. The next day went by really slowly. I spent some time with Brittany that night during the dance, but I was distracted.


"You seem distracted."
"That's because I am."


She got real close to me.


"What can I do to ease your distraction?"


In the corner of my eye, I saw Gahl, Max and Ben making lewd gestures at me.


"Let's dance."
"You just read my mind."


As we heard Lady GaGa's "Bad Romance", we danced and it took my mind off of things. Brittany was different than any girl I'd ever been with. I just felt so alive when I was with her. I mean, with my last girlfriend, Melinda, I was head-over-heels in love and we had a very passionate relationship. Brittany was way different, though. Even though I wasn't exactly over Melinda yet, Brittany made it easy to forget about my still-broken heart for a little while.


At the end of the night, her and I went outside and talked.


"I didn't know you could dance so well."
"There's a lot you don't know."
"Like what?"


With that, she got really close and she kissed me gently. I pulled away after a few seconds.


"I recently got out of a relationship."
"I know. Melinda Moskowitz."


I broke away from her.


"I like you, Brittany. I like you a lot, actually."
"And I like you. That's why I kissed you."
"It's just not gonna work. At least not right now."


She looked at me.


"So it's true. You really have changed, haven't you?"
"I suppose so."


We walked away from each other. I went to sleep that night with her on my mind. The way her lips felt against mine. For nearly a month, I had longed for the feeling of a beautiful woman's lips connecting with mine. It's the greatest feeling in the world. And I couldn't help feeling like I should've just let the kiss happen instead of pulling away in the middle. I wanted to kiss her so badly, but for some reason I just couldn't.


The next day was the big day. Yes, it was Valentines Day, but it was also the day of our big game. I got to the locker room early to go over my game-notes. Ben got in shortly after I did. I hadn't spoken to him since Friday.


"Hey, Coach."
"I'm almost shocked to see you here."
"I almost didn't come."


It was quiet.


"Listen, Mac, I freaked out. I know I did. But you seemed to have so much confidence on Friday. I just knew this morning that if I let you down, things would never be the same."


I got up and we hugged.


"If it makes you feel any better, I'm just as scared as you are. This guy must be good. But we're still favored to win this game. That is, if the team shows up."


As if on cue, they all entered.


"Good morning."


They all nodded.


"Well what are you all standing around for? Get dressed and let's kick some ass!"
"YEAH!!!"



It didn't take long for them to get pumped up. And once the game started, it didn't take long for us to start getting momentum.


As the second half was about to start, Rosenberg ran up to me.


"You're mine, Maccabbi!"
"I'm sorry disappoint you, Rosenberg, but I already have a Valentine."


I looked up in the stands and saw Brittany, who I had been thinking of all night. She waved.


"Okay, team. We're up by 10, and we want to keep this momentum. Remember, when we played Vegas, we were down by 10. We came back, and these guys can come back too. So keep the pressure on, and try your best to stay on offense."
"And just so you guys know, I'm gonna be sitting this half out unless there's an injury. Follow Ben's lead and we can put this one away."


The buzzer rang.


"LET'S DO IT!!!"


The Los Angeles A-Team seemed a little fired up during the second half. They were really starting to bring the pressure. A couple fouls and free throws kept us with a comfortable lead, but my athletes were starting to get tired. It was only a matter of time before their energy started dying and the other team started mounting a comeback.


"Time out!"


The A-Team was only down by 4 now with five minutes left in the game.


"You're making it really easy for them to score these points. Drink some water."
"Mac, we can't do it."
"Yes, you can. I know you can."
"I feel like I'm gonna pass out."


She legitimately seemed out of breath. All of them did.


"Sam, sit out for the remainder of the game."
"What?"
"I'm going in. Adam and Bobby, sub in for Chad and Larry."


I looked at Ben.


"I'm gonna get myself to the three point line. Get the ball to me. I'm gonna put this thing away."
"You got it, Coach."


Rosenberg gave me a snide look as he saw me enter the court.


"Now you're playing?"
"What of it?"
"You're gonna get TAKEN DOWN."
"Do your worst."


And as soon as I got the ball, he did. Specifically, he knocked me down as I went to make the three-point shot. I was on the ground for a while before I got up with an aching back and neck.


The referee walked up to me after I was up.


"You got two free throws."


He handed me the ball and I tried to shake off the pain. I took a shot and it went in. The pain was becoming a lot to handle. I took the second shot and I somehow made it. We were now up by 6 with 3 minutes and 30 seconds to go. I couldn't stand up straight. I felt like the Hunchback of Notre Dame (a very attractive hunchback, I may add). Ben called a time-out.


"What's going on?"
"It's my back. I must have fell hard."
"Okay, hit the bench."
"What?"
"Have a seat. I can't have you playing the rest of this game."
"We've gotta put this thing away, Ben. What about the shot?"
"I'll worry about the shot, Mac. As it is, we're up by 6. We have a little bit of breathing room. In the meantime, there are some heating pads in the locker room. Grab one and then sit out the rest of the game. Your back will thank you for it later."
"Alright."


I did as my coach told me. When I came back, there were 32 seconds left and our lead was down to 3. The clock continued to tick as Jake Josephson was fouled. He made both his free throws (with sudden encouragement from his recent ex-girlfriend). Our lead was now down to 1 with 17 seconds left. We got the ball back and Ben began to manage the clock well. They were passing it around a lot until the clock was down to 6 seconds. Ben got the ball again right at the three-point line. He jumped and made the shot, and as the buzzer sounded, the ball went into the hoop. Team Phoenix defeated the Los Angeles A-Team!


"Yes!"


I threw down the heating pad and hugged all my teammates as we celebrated a big victory. In the corner of my eye, I saw Jake sitting alone on their team bench. He was joined by Tara Hudson.


"You played a great game."
"Good one."
"Really. Those free throws were great."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. And I was just thinking. We've been together too long to just break up over a stupid fight."


He stood up and smiled.


"I love you, Tara. Let's never fight again!"
"Deal."


They kissed and all seemed to be right with the world.


"That was quite a fall you took."


I turned around and Brittany was standing before me.


"Did you enjoy the game?"
"I did. You're a good basketball player."
"I think I like coaching more."


I looked around and saw all my athletes, still celebrating the victory.


"Congratulations."
"Thanks, Brittany."


We hugged, and then we kissed for a second.


"Stay in touch. I wouldn't wanna wait another 25 years before I talk to you again."
"Don't worry. You'll be seeing me."


I smiled before I started heading toward the locker room.


"Hey, Mac."


I turned around.


"Happy Valentines Day."


I nodded and smiled at her. I then headed up to the locker room and changed clothes.


The flight back to Arizona was quiet. The team was starting to wind down and I was busy with my thoughts. I thought about the game, of course, but I mostly thought of Brittany. I hoped that I would see her again some time in the near future. I figured that it would be really nice to finish up that kiss.


Sincerely,
Mac-Attack