The days following Carrie Wilcox's proposition went by slowly. I would sit at home, thinking about calling her, but I remembered the advice that was given to me by my father, Big Al:
"Brush your teeth after every meal, Michael."
No, not that advice. This advice:
"This girl might have STDs."
Yup, that was the advice that I needed to remember. I mean, I knew Carrie didn't have any STDs, but the concept that she could, especially knowing who she had been dating at the time, scared the attack right out of the Mac.
There couldn't have been a better time for the Beginning of Summer Bash. It was during the second week of summer. This obesely overweight guy from USY, Brian Berg (But he just goes by B), always has a big beginning of summer blowout. It was always a tradition for me and Ben (along with my twin brother Darrin and our friend Melinda) to go to this party. We weren't all big fans of B, but his parties were fun. Somehow, the guy was able to get all the hottest girls to show up.
Something you may need to know about B: He is obsessed with the entire concept of the Mac-Attack. In fact, B was the one guy that made me wish that I didn't have a reputation at all, however, he also worked really hard to keep my reputation a good reputation. I guess it doesn't hurt to have a fan.
Melinda, as always, was the designated driver. We pulled into B's driveway around 7:15, that way we could be fashionably late, but not too late. The party seemed to be even hotter than it was the year before. There was a chocolate fountain, a nacho cheese fountain, and a soda fountain (literally, a fountain that was pouring all types of Cokes, Sprites, and Dr. Peppers). The food was always good. I guessed that since B eats so much all the time, he knew a lot about food.
"MY MAIN MAN MAC-ATTACK!!!" I heard in the distance. There he was. An overweight guy, head the size of a watermelon, sideburns that ran down his whole cheeks, and a Los Angeles Dodgers jersey. This was B, my biggest fan (literally and figuratively).
"How you been, B? I haven't seen ya since Convention." I responded politely.
Suddenly, simultaneously, my party companions Darrin, Melinda, and Ben all said: "Is that a Nacho cheese fountain? Let's take a look!"
B put his arm around me and walked me around the house. There was a swimming pool full of girls; in all my years of going to B's party, I have never gone in the pool.
Suddenly, this beautiful girl got out of the pool. She was wearing a tight, navy blue string bikini top and tight bottoms. She had blonde hair and the eyes like an arctic fox.
"B, honey, who is your friend?"
B smiled proudly, as if it were a big deal that he was friends with me.
"Nikki, this is my very close personal friend Michael Maccabbi, aka, the Mac-Attack."
The goddess from the water spoke: "Hey there, Mac-Attack."
This was one of those moments where it was really good to be me.
"B, you didn't tell me you had a girl." I said, hoping that maybe he would say: "She's not my girl, but she's your's if you want her."
"Yup, Nikki's my one and only," B responded. I was then treated to the hardly lawful sight of a big fat guy making out with a blonde beauty.
I couldn't comprehend. Was this B's way of showing me that, yes he was fat and overobsessive, but he can date girls as hot as the ones I can date?
Just then, Ben came walking my way with a huge plate of nachos.
"Hey, Mac, you should really check out that fountain and DUHHHH..." He began drooling like a rabbid dog when he laid eyes on Nikki.
B looked at Ben: "Ben, my girl Nikki. Nikki, this is Ben."
She touched his shoulder and said: "Nice to meet you, Ben."
Ben dropped his nachos. "Mac...a word!"
Ben and I went to the side. Like me, he wasn't really fully understanding.
"B...and her...tongue...bikini...eyes..."
"Yes, Ben, I can't beleive it either."
"But...B...and her..."
"Yeah. I'm shocked."
But then it hit me:
At Convention, B was trying to figure out how to get a girl. I explained my approach: Meet them, joke around with them a little, get her alone, start talking about deep life philosophies, and then you are in. I told him it could work for anyone.
I guess it worked for him as well. At least Nikki wasn't the only hot girl at the party. In fact, I suddenly saw a girl in the distance who was all too familiar.
Carrie Wilcox in the flesh. This was a very...strange surprise.
"Uh, B, can I talk to you a sec?"
"Anything for you, Mac-Attack."
"See that girl," I said. "The one in the purple skirt."
"Yeah," B said to me. "She's friends with one of Nikki's friends. Uh, Karen Wilson or something."
"That's Carrie Wilcox, B."
"Oh. What a nice name."
I couldn't believe that Carrie was there. I also couldn't believe that B would be stupid enough to invite her to his party.
I was so mad that I even said his full name: "BRIAN!!!"
B looked at me strangely.
"Okay, sorry. Do you know her, Mac?"
"Yeah, I know her. She's the girl who I, uh, who I..." (I suddenly remembered that I had a reputation and that I couldn't just go around saying that I turned down sex from a hot girl.)
And then, in half-truth, "She's a stalker. I hot stalker. I, uh, have a restraining order against her."
B looked at me strangely, and then: "Okay. I'll escort her out."
But then--"Michael Maccabbi. Long time, no talk, baby."
Carrie wrapped her arms around me. She then proceeded to graze my lips with her's.
"Have you thought more about my proposition?"
B looked at me strangely. In fact, it wasn't just B looking at me; it was the whole party!
Ben and Melinda tried to get there to save me, but the both tripped. Darrin was busy singing karaoke, so he barely noticed me and Carrie. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed B whisper something to Nikki. Nikki then walked over to the pool and whispered something to one of her bikini-clad friends.
Btw, this all happened while Carrie approached me, kissed me, and asked me the question. Before I could answer, Nikki's bikini-clad friend walked over to the scene. She was even hotter than Nikki. Brown hair, hazel eyes, and a sparkling smile.
"Back away from my boyfriend!!!"
People were silent, and most importantly, I was extremely confused right now. I didn't recall ever meeting this girl, let alone asking her to be my girlfriend!
Then it hit me: this girl was saving my ass!
"Uh, yes Carrie. This is my girlfriend, uh, her name is..."
"Rivka. Rivka Pasternak."
"That's right," I said. "Rivka is my girlfriend now, Carrie."
Carrie looked confused, and then embarrassed.
"Mac, I don't understand. I thought we had something."
I put my arm around my "girlfriend" and said: "You also had something with your boyfriend...all of them."
Carrie looked like she couldn't believe it (which was probably okay, since Rivka wasn't actually my girlfriend),
but even still, Carrie picked up her purse and left. Nobody followed her out.
Soon after that, everyone went back to having a good time. I ran up to B.
"Dude, you really saved me there. How can I thank you?"
"Don't thank me, Mac-Attack," B told me. "Rivka has wanted to meet you since Convention."
Then it hit me. The girl that B wanted at Convention; it was Rivka!
"So she's your Convention girl?" I asked him.
"Yeah, but she was more into you...like they all are."
I stood there, as B walked away, and just stared in awe. I quickly ran to find Rivka.
As she was leaving, I said her name. She turned around.
"Thanks for saving me, Rivka. Maybe we can hang out some time."
"That would be nice, Mac-Attack," she said, "But I'm going back to San Diego tomorrow. Maybe I will see you at a Regional event some time."
She kinda half-kissed me and walked away. Suddenly, after days of confusion, I finally felt like myself again. I guess I'm kinda glad that we went to B's party that night. In fact I was even kinda glad to have a friend like Brian Berg...
But let's not get ahead of ourselves!
Sincerely,
Mac-Attack
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